(Clearwisdom.net) After reading "Study the Fa Well, and Getting Rid of Attachments is Not Hard" which is the title to Teacher's comments to a practitioner's article, I found that fear has hindered many practitioners, especially those who have gone astray in their cultivation but who have awakened to their errors and started to practice once again. Here I would like to share my understanding of fear.
Since the persecution against Falun Gong officially started on July 20, 1999, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) has been escalating its persecution of the practice and those who cultivate in Falun Gong. The environment for cultivation turned tough and my "fear' surfaced. I thought to myself, 'the CCP is so evil, if I am steadfast with my belief in Falun Gong, what's going to happen to my job and my residency status in Beijing?' (I found a job in Beijing the year after I graduated.)
Back then, I had only been practicing for a short period of time and so I wasn't very clear on the principles of Falun Gong. I just knew that Falun Gong is good, so good that I could give up anything so long as I could keep practicing. I just knew to study the Falun Gong teachings diligently, but fear still held a strong presence in my mind.
In late October of 1999, the CCP slandered Falun Gong as an "evil cult." I knew that the CCP was lying. It was as if they were trying saying that what was once black is now white, and so I knew that I should go out to let people know the truth!
With this in mind I went to peacefully and lawfully appeal to the government with a fellow practitioner. When I was in the taxi on the way to the appeal office, fear seemed to overwhelm me. My heart beat increased abruptly, and I felt weak wile walking. But I have determined to prove that Falun Gong is good. With this idea in mind, we could both feel our fear gradually diminishing.
When we arrived at the Appeals Office at Fuyou Street, we no longer had any fear. We asked police officers where the appeals office is, which scared them and prompted them to ask: "Why are you here. Hasn't the government stated that Falun Gong is a cult?" Upon hearing this we said with full of energy and righteousness: "We are practitioners of Falun Gong. We are the ones who really have the right to speak. We know the practice is good, and so we have come here to ask the government to be reasonable towards this matter." In the process, I clearly felt that my fear had greatly subsided and could no longer control me.
After the first appeal, just as other fellow practitioners, I lost my job and home. One day at the end of 1999, I stayed at a fellow practitioner's home. Since there were practitioners from abroad onsite, scores of police officers surrounded the room and broke in, waking us up. When that light was turned on I could see a lot of wicked looking police officers in front of us, my heart beat increased suddenly and I even started to quiver due to fear. But right at that moment, a strong righteous thought appeared in my mind. I asked myself: "What I am afraid of?" Right as I had that thought, I felt the strong fear which had been confusing and interfering with my thoughts forced away and destroyed. My mind became clear and I could think clearly as the fear had disappeared. My heart beat returned to normal instantly. After I was freed that time I no longer held any fear as I passed through Tiananmen Square. This event led me to realize that fear is actually a substance.
In May of 2005, I again went to Tiananmen Square where I held a banner with "Falun Gong Is Righteous" on it. This time, fear once again appeared in my mind. After I was arrested and detained in a detention center, due to the horrible conditions and the fact that no other practitioners were there, I felt very bad and it seemed that I had reached the limits of my endurance. At that moment, the side of me which has assimilated to Falun Dafa manifested, this side of me is not only powerful, magnificent, and compassionate, it also carried huge energy with it, while my human side was fearful. But through the eyes of my divine side, my human mind was very weak and pitiful. This state lasted for one day, enabling me to overcome those hardships. In the process, I realized that the substance "fear" could only control my human concepts. Just as Teacher told us, fear exists in different dimensions and it is something that we need to get rid of in every dimension. But the more microscopic it is the harder it is to remove. However as I carry on cultivating and my belief in Falun Gong is being reinforced, fear can longer influence my thoughts and becomes weaker and weaker.
The above is part of my experience in overcoming fear. Later on, due to fear, I made mistakes in my way of cultivation. But based on strong belief to Teacher and Falun Gong, I overcame my difficulties and once again found the right path.
August 27, 2005
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