(Clearwisdom.net) I read many experience sharing articles in Minghui Weekly about eliminating fundamental attachments, and realized that I should think about my fundamental attachments.
I always thought that I did not have any fundamental attachments, even though I read about them in practitioners' sharing articles or Teacher's articles. I started practicing Falun Dafa just because I thought Dafa was good and not because I had any other intentions, such as healing diseases. I started the path of cultivation practice in December 1998. Seven months later, on July 20, the persecution began.
I went to our provincial government to appeal for Dafa with several local practitioners on July 20. Afterwards, evil propaganda seemed to blanket heaven and earth. I was at a loss for a short while, but after thinking about it with a calm mind, I believed that there was nothing wrong with practicing Dafa and I firmly devoted myself to cultivating regardless of the interference. I began to go out to distribute truth-clarifying materials. Then I began to produce materials with local practitioners. I went to Tiananmen Square to display a banner and tell people "Falun Dafa is good." I was detained at a detention center four times. Starting in 2001, I had to become homeless for more than one year to avoid further persecution. During this time, I did what I should do as a Dafa practitioner.
At first, during these years' cultivation practice during the Fa-rectification period, I just worked on breaking through the setbacks relying on enthusiasm, and I didn't pay much attention to Fa study. If I fell down, I would stand up very quickly and go on with what I was supposed to do. I gradually realized the importance of Fa study. I became more and more rational and my understanding based on the Fa became more and more clear. During this period, I had no doubts about my righteous belief in Falun Dafa. I thought that I was doing everything according to Teacher's teachings, and I thought that I had no fundamental attachments. I didn't even think about it.
However, other practitioners' experience sharing articles reminded me of this problem, and I began to think about it calmly. I was startled when I really thought about it. I found that I had not recognized my fundamental problem that existed when I first started the practice. For example, when I was in middle school, it occurred to me that there must be a lot of black qi in a person's body. I thought that if the black stuff could be removed, people would become smart and beautiful. When I studied Zhuan Falun the first time, I read,
"The cause of your illness has been removed, and what remains is only this bit of black qi that will come out on its own to let you suffer some and have some pain." (Zhuan Falun)
I was very surprised and thought that my childhood dream could be realized. I was very happy and thought that this book was quite good, and that it was not an ordinary book.
I talked about this with other practitioners more than once during my practice, implying that I had a predestined relationship with Falun Dafa and that my inborn quality was quite good. I had a very good feeling about it. I realized that the standpoint of the good feeling about myself was human notions. Actually, I wanted to become smart and beautiful, exploiting Dafa. I blindly thought that I practiced very well, and I didn't recognize my hidden human notions.
For another example, when I clarified the truth, I always said that Falun Dafa was very good and it changed me into a compassionate, opened-minded and educated person. In the end, I would say that I had always wanted to be such a person. This standpoint was again a human notion. From the bottom of my heart, I still wanted to achieve a human purpose through practicing Dafa.
When I clarified the truth, I always said, "Falun Dafa is good. It helped me to take fame and personal interest lightly. My family became harmonious, and I became physically and mentally healthy. I am optimistic and have a calm mind. All these bring true happiness which can not be replaced by money and fame." I told people that this resulted from my practicing Dafa. It was true that I wanted to validate the Fa, but deep in my heart, what I pursued was still the so-called human happiness and how to live well without troubles. But this is not the purpose of the practice.
Now, I clearly realize through Fa study that the ultimate goal of cultivation practice is to attain the Tao and complete cultivation. This is the reason why we suffer in human society and under the persecution. We have to eliminate all human notions and attachments. Instead, I had wanted to gain something good in human society through cultivation practice.
This was my fundamental attachment. On one hand, I wanted to obtain the Buddha Fa, but on the other hand, I would not let go of human notions. How could that work? Cultivation practice involves letting go of human notions. How could I obtain the Buddha Fa and not let go of human notions? And how filthy was the thought of achieving a human purpose by exploiting Dafa? I was so ashamed.
I also discovered my attachment to fame. The root of the attachment was that I wanted to be successful and outstanding in human society. I still had the notions of longing for a car, a house and a comfortable life. So, in the beginning years of the persecution, I had a sense of inferiority and felt uncomfortable when I met with my former colleagues or classmates because I had lost my good job and so-called brilliant future. I still had this notion recently. One practitioner told me, "We practitioners have the greatest life in this universe. We are the luckiest. No ordinary person is as lucky as we are. So, why would you have a feeling of inferiority?"
Yes, it is true. As practitioners, we should not be attached to personal gain and loss, and we should not pursue comfort in human society. We may have financial difficulties and no social status. We may be laughed at and misunderstood. But, when we become devoted in Buddhist cultivation practice and let go of human pursuits, we can firmly believe in Dafa and make great progress in practice. Then, we can enlighten to the incomparable purity and greatness of Dafa. I discovered these fundamental attachments, but what was more important was to do the three things well in the Fa-rectification practice, let go of these attachments in cultivating solidly, and genuinely meet the criterion.
Please correct me if there is anything inappropriate.
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