(Clearwisdon.net) If I recall correctly, my husband and I went back his hometown in 1997 for Chinese New Year. Grandmother handed me a book regarding Falun Gong when she noticed my poor health. She mentioned that Falun Gong was good and that practicing Falun Gong could strengthen one's health. I did not know anything about Falun Gong then. I took the book back with me, put it on the bookshelf, and did not even bother to look at it.
While on vacation on May 2, 1998, we received an unexpected phone call, saying that my mother-in-law was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer and diabetes. I watched my husband pace back and forth in the living room. He kept saying, "I will soon lose my mother." He was in tears and looked very sad.
One of our Dafa-practicing relatives then went and talked to my mother-in-law, along with other practitioners. I heard that my mother-in-law could see Teacher’s fashen and also that she saw many things from other dimensions. After thinking it over, my mother-in-law stopped taking medicine and started practicing Falun Gong. She soon regained her health, almost to the point of a person who is perfectly healthy. This incident made me think deeply about the power of Falun Gong.
Experiencing his mother's awesome recovery through Falun Gong, my husband started the practice. Within three months, his hypothyroid symptoms disappeared. I picked up the book Zhuan Falun from time to time and read it. I eventually read the book three times and seemed to understand and believe what the book said. My thoughts, though, were still: "Make a living first before considering Buddhahood" as well as: "It would be a good thing if I could have better health." Nevertheless, I did not become a practitioner at that point, even though I was introduced to Dafa. I was still locked in the prison of human thoughts and under the influence of the old forces.
Soon thereafter, on July 20, 1999, the Chinese Communist Party started the ruthless persecution of Falun Gong, which resulted in my husband's being arrested three times
After his first arrest, he was sent to a drug rehabilitation center. I was flustered, agitated, fearful, and confused. I collected all the Dafa books and materials and dumped them into the garbage can. I also said something bad about Dafa and Teacher.
My husband returned three days later. My fearful and trembling heart was calmed. The next day I had my period, but the flow resembled running water; it would not stop. This went on for several days. My husband told me I had committed a sin by throwing the Dafa books into the garbage and by verbally abusing Dafa and Teacher. I did not realize what I had done. I concentrated on my physical problems and chastised my husband about what nonsense he had said.
Someone reported my husband to 610 Office agents, who then arrested him for the second time while he was clarifying the truth. I felt that the sky had collapsed once again and did not know what I should do. I went home and held our son, weeping bitterly and sadly. The next day, the 610 agents ordered me to submit to an interrogation at their office. I told them how my husband had started practicing and why he practiced—because he had seen his mother recover after beginning the practice. How could he not believe in it? But I also told them of another practitioner who had visited us.
The authorities requested to search our home. I agreed and brought them to my house. They confiscated many Dafa books, tapes, and Teacher’s new articles. I realized then that human thoughts were completely controlling me, which pushed me to simply protect my family and me. My wholehearted effort was focused on nothing else but to get my husband freed as soon as possible.
Following this incident I was severely ill for several days. The officials later told me that my husband would be detained for a short term of 15 days, instead of being sentenced to forced labor. I was mistakenly grateful then for what these 610 Office agents did for us. I was under the illusion that they even really cared for others.
My husband's third arrest came about because of an act of deception by people from his workplace. He was sent to a brainwashing center and was then under house arrest for more than two months. I brought our son to visit him weekly. The section head of the center told me that it would cost 300,000 yuan for him to complete his "class." I thought, "Why did the government bother to do this? My husband had regained his health after starting the practice. Why can he not practice?" Back then I did not understand, was afraid of asking, and was resentful on account of the mental anguish my husband had caused me.
More evil persecution took place, and I was unable to get closer to Dafa. My husband continued practicing Dafa, but I could not accept it. Instead, I thought practicing Dafa had brought us bad luck. My husband and I then frequently ran into conflicts and had daily arguments.
In 2004, our son started elementary school. Because of our cramped quarters, our son slept with us in the same room. One day I chatted idly with my husband and said, "The boy is growing and we need to give him his own space. It is time to get a bigger place." My husband responded without any hesitation, "Buy an apartment? You don’t even know how much money we have." His response hurt me so much. We started a big fight that continued on and off for a year. My husband believed that, as a practitioner, one should not seek a higher living standard. We should feel grateful for what we had. I felt his role and responsibility as the head of the household was to earn money and support the family. Even a Dafa practitioner should desire to have a good life. Without fully understanding Dafa, I lost my confidence in it. Every one of my thoughts questioned why practitioners did things the way they did. Didn't Falun Gong practitioners need to lead normal lives? I was full of doubts and hatred.
I often experienced painful menstrual periods. My health was deteriorating. I frequently had constipation and a steady growth of infected lesions appeared on my face. Life had become meaningless, and I was depressed. I could get angry and easily lose my temper. A few unpleasant words from my husband’s mouth could unleash a long string of verbal abuse from me. Quarrels became my family's routine. Our son was heartbroken and was secretly crying in the middle of night when our quarrels would awake him. It was really sad to see.
I did not know what to do but attempted something extreme. I complained of my attitudes to the other Dafa practitioners and said how I felt that I was the bitterest person in the world. That bitterness and pain were big as an ocean. I thought about divorce and did not want to go home. Finally, I found myself too tired to fight. Looking at my husband, I was astounded to see him looking younger from day to day since practicing Falun Gong. Looking at myself, on the other hand, I was almost broken because I could not let go of my selfish attachments.
With help from the other practitioners and under Teacher’s compassionate mercy, I emerged gradually from this difficult state the evil spirits had put in my path. I eventually stepped back in small increments and genuinely came to Dafa and began practicing.
Beginning the practice, I was initially quite physically sensitive. I felt some things turning in my body, some big and some small. Some of them moved fast and some moved slowly. My physical health improved, and my chronic sore throat disappeared. My injured knee, smashed by a heavy bag of flour more than ten years before, completely recovered. My sallow-toned face turned pink and healthy-looking. The dark spots on my face became lighter. It was exactly like Teacher had said:
"To tell a joke, young ladies always like to apply facial makeup and want to make their complexion fairer and better. I would say that if you truly follow a cultivation practice of mind and body, you will naturally achieve that goal. It is guaranteed that you will not need to use cosmetics." ("Lecture Five" in Zhuan Falun)
Although I had embraced Dafa practice, I still had strong attachments to fame, personal gain, and emotions that I could not let go of. Small human matters would easily get me upset. I was likely to complain of unfairness from other people's business, and got emotional and angry when I saw someone do something inhuman. I thought that I was right and I was following the [Dafa] principles. I didn’t read the Fa or practice the exercises much. Other practitioners could tell that I was not very conscientious when they spoke with me. I did not treasure the great fortune of cultivation practice and did not treasure Dafa. I was not sincere enough to practice Dafa.
Although I did so many things not in accordance with Dafa, Teacher did not shut me out and still looks after me. Teacher manifests his great compassion and tolerates me, even when I was not being reasonable. He reminded me not to fall behind or get lost. Teacher treasures my life more than I.
Recently I read the booklet Gratefully Recalling Experiences with Master. I felt I was suddenly opened up and realized how shallow and how pitiful I had been. I have not treasured Teacher’s compassion, although Teacher had helped me early on. I obtained Zhuan Falun in 1997, but I had put it on hold. In 1998, when my relative started to practice, I was still wondering. On July 20, 1999, I became afraid. I was confused and could not find the right direction. My heart, which was full of attachments, could not find serenity. In fact, Teacher has made a very good arrangement for me. I have obtained things that many people could only wish for. Teacher has untangled many hardships for me, but each time I either failed to pass the test or passed the test only with difficulty.
I had become profoundly depressed and complained, while Teacher all the while carried great burdens and faced many hardships during his lecturing. Teacher endured karma for the disciples, but he never complained. I was in tears when I read in an article that Teacher had eaten other practitioners' leftover noodles to avoid waste. Even a close relative would seldom eat other people’s leftovers, but Teacher did. My heart was tight and trembled as much as my hands. This booklet shocked me greatly.
Although I didn’t receive Dafa by listening to Teacher’s lectures in person, Dafa and I have an indissoluble bond. When I was mired in human attachments, Teacher was there and looked after me. I did something bad to Dafa and to Teacher, but Teacher did not give up on me. There is no comparison between my experiences and those of other practitioners. They have risked their lives for Dafa.
I should have been awakened by now. I have to improve myself greatly in order to not disappoint Teacher's kindnesses. Lastly, I would like to end this article by sharing the "Plum Blossoms" from Hong Yin II.
"In the chaotic world, like pure lotus flowers--
plum blossoms, a hundred million
Cold winds only accentuate their beauty
The interminable snowfall and rain
are the tears of gods,
Who look longingly for the plum blossoms’ return
Never, ever get preoccupied with worldly things
Steel your righteous thoughts
For all [that you have gone through] since ancient times,
Was for none other than this time around."
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