(Clearwisdom.net) In past years I have not been able to do well in relationships with family members. Not until yesterday did a significant change happen.
After coming to learn the truth about the persecution of Dafa in 2004, I resumed my practice. At that time, I was too engrossed and hurried to clarify the truth. Although my family members had heavy fear, I still went ahead and clarified the truth to everyone we met, even in front of my family. My wife wanted to protect our family, so she always tried to stop me from doing this. My wife always worried that I would be arrested. She was so concerned that she would accompany me wherever I went, determined to stop me from clarifying the truth. When unable to accompany me, she or my father-in-law often called me on my cell phone asking me where I was and asking me to come home soon. In my heart I often complained about their being overly concerned about me and interfering with my truth-clarification.
I have had several conflicts with my family members. Every time, I would not admit being wrong (acting just like an everyday person). However, comparing my behavior to the requirements of the Fa, I realized I was wrong. Being angry means I did not do things according to Compassion or Tolerance. I apologized to my wife each time after the conflict. I considered myself wrong only because I was judging by the requirement for a practitioner rather than an everyday person. I also thought that although I had done wrong, she had done so as well. In fact, thinking this means I did not let go of it in my heart.
Through these tribulations, I could tell the capacity of my heart was enlarged, becoming more compassionate and tolerant. Still, I unwittingly tended to complain about others and think about their bad tempers. I knew practitioners' thoughts have power, and thinking that way was no good to my family members. So I tried my best to let go of those thoughts, or tried not to think that way.
However, I found their tempers became worse and worse, not only towards me, but also among themselves. In fact, my parents-in-law quarreled even more between each other. They also restricted my going outside, and often asked me where I was going and what I was going to do. I was wondering why they did that to me, why they had bad tempers, why their quarrels were overheard by me, and why hearing their arguments made me feel upset? Did I do something wrong?
Without finding the exact attachment, I just thought those were tests for me, to examine if I really followed the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance. I thought that it might be something I had to endure on my cultivation path. The complaints about them, although unwitting at the beginning, also started to accumulate and aggravate. The more complaints I had, the bigger the barrier grew between us. I realized something went wrong, but what is it? I often fretted over this.
Eventually, the conflicts reached an extreme two nights ago. Something trivial triggered an argument. Then, both my father-in-law and my wife started to criticize me. Very soon, I became clearheaded, and stopped arguing with them. My mother-in-law came by and said to me, "His [father-in-law's] bad temper was caused by you; my arguing with him was also because of you."
Those words seemed to be from Teacher, although they were spoken through my mother-in-law's mouth. I knew I was wrong and I regretted being unable to maintain my xinxing and negatively affecting their attitude towards Dafa. For a long time, I have been worrying something bad would happen. Right after this conflict, my wife asked for a divorce. Yesterday morning she took a half-day off and we sat down to discuss the divorce. My parents-in-law and my wife's sister were also there. They talked about my shortcomings, and how much my parents-in-law cared about me.
In the past, I always felt annoyed whenever my father-in-law brought up such topics. The annoyance bothered me constantly, and I did not know how to get rid of it. During the discussions, however, they talked about my father-in-law being in tears when I went overseas. I have to admit that he has been caring for me all the time. His restricting me was also due to fear that I might be arrested. Before my practice, my parents-in-law did not have such bad tempers. But I have been complaining about him so much on this matter. They are in fact caring for me, probably helping me to eliminate my karma for me to improve. Thinking about this, the long-standing barrier between us in my heart disappeared. The feeling of annoyance was also gone. The family conflicts were thus resolved.
I would like to thank Teacher for helping me get rid of this attachment. I think that the attachment was able to be eliminated because of my faith in Teacher and Dafa. Teacher has already helped set up our cultivation path, and we can make it as long as we want to. Therefore, with determined faith in Teacher and Dafa, we can overcome any obstacles.
October 15, 2006
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Category: Improving Oneself
