(Clearwisdom.net)
I have been practicing Falun Gong for close to 10 years. For a young woman in her 20s it is natural to pursue beauty, but for a Dafa practitioner, every action must be measured against the Fa. We must check our actions against the standard set by the Fa. I have encountered numerous tests on this attachment. Sometimes I passed the test well, and sometimes I didn't do so well. Somehow I never let go of this attachment completely. I realized that this attachment is very critical, and I must let go of it.
I always thought I handled the attachment of sentimentality between members of the opposite sex well. First of all I am still young, and I never gave the opposite sex that much attention in my heart. Furthermore, a lot of people have very dirty thoughts nowadays, and it is not easy to find people who have the same ideas about relationships as I do. As a practitioner, I gave cultivation in the Fa Rectification Period top priority in my life, and accordingly took sentimentality towards the opposite sex lightly. Despite this, however, my attachment of beauty-obsession remained very strong.
I actually began to develop the sentimentality of being obsessed with beauty as early as when I started to recognize the world at four or five years old. I liked to wear pretty dresses and put on my mother's makeup. Whenever we visited other people I would always check out the wife's make-up table. My parents scolded me for doing that. Later on when I studied at school I became a kind of tomboy, and joined in all sorts of physical activities. I seemed to let go of the attachment to beauty for several years, but as soon as I got into high school, this attachment reared its ugly head again.
My family was relatively well-off, so my father always gave me a substantial allowance. I got used to the bad habit of spending money carelessly. After I started cultivating in Dafa, even though I knew I was a practitioner, I did not adhere to Master's teachings. Sometimes I behaved just like a non-practitioner. After cultivating for a period of time in China, I came to study in the United States. In this new environment, I placed more rigorous demands on myself in order to walk a righteous path during the Fa Rectification Period. I could feel that I was rapidly rising in level. However, I still did not cleanly pass the tests related to the attachment of being obsessed with beauty.
A few days ago I went to buy a mobile phone with another practitioner. One of the sales clerks in the store complemented me, saying everyone in the store thought that I was very pretty. Between his words I could sense his admiration. This was not the first time people had complimented me on my appearance since I came to the United States. Sometimes Westerners that were total strangers would approach my aunt and me, asking me to become their son's bride. Even though Chinese people are more introverted, many friends also expressed their special admiration towards me. I accepted their complements and gave it no further thought. I got used to the special treatment others lavished on me. At school, there was always someone who would carry out my requests. At home, my father pampered me. When I was an intern at a company, my boss also went out of his way to treat me nicely. A seemingly minor attachment of being aware of self-beauty started to root deeply in my heart. With it, additional attachments began to develop, such as the attachments to showing-off, struggle and confrontation, and contending with others.
As an average person one can have many admirers, but as a cultivator, it must be treated as a very serious matter. It is an attachment, a very bad attachment that I realized I must get rid of along my path of cultivation.
After I came to the United States, a practitioner who could see with his celestial eye told me that this attachment of mine was accumulated through generation after generation of previous incarnations. I enjoyed being wealthy, glamorous, and pretty, and thus accumulated many bad attachments. Many were also arranged by the old forces. When I eradicated this attachment, I also denied the old forces' arrangements. I realized that those bad attachments did not belong to me. When a certain attachment was very difficult to eradicate and painful to let go of, quite often that attachment was deeply-rooted, and severely reinforced by the old forces. However, we are practitioners during the Fa Rectification Period, and we study the Fa of the Cosmos. If we are determined to let go of it, we can do it.
We are Dafa disciples during the Fa Rectification Period. Our goal in cultivation is to attain selflessness, serving others ahead of oneself. In fact, all bad attachments stem from the attachment to self. Cultivation is the process of continuously getting rid of those attachments and assimilating to the Fa of the Cosmos. The more we assimilate to the Fa, the better we have cultivated ourselves. Every time I saw a pretty dress, I knew that I must let go of my attachment, yet it was so difficult and painful for my heart to let it go. I knew it was my attachment to beauty, yet I just could not help but want to buy it, so much did I love that dress. Why was it this way?
In the cultivation story of Buddha Sakyamuni there was an account of how demons transformed into beautiful women to seduce him. Buddha Sakyamuni was unmoved by the women, and further, he displayed for all to see what they really looked like inside, revealing that the intestines of these so-called beauties were full of maggots and pus. The demons were terrified and ran away. Only a cultivator can deeply understand the deeper meaning of beauty and ugliness.
Master has arranged a path of cultivation that allows each cultivator to reach consummation. However, whether we can reach consummation is up to us, ourselves. When tribulations come, it is up to us whether we choose to overcome them or not. Master has already told us how to overcome the tribulations, but if we stubbornly refuse to overcome them and only care about our own self-centered interests, then there is nothing Master can do. Master said:
"The master leads you through the door, but cultivation is up to you. It all depends on how you cultivate yourself." ("Transformation of Karma" in Lecture Four of Zhuan Falun)
In fact, the hardest part to get rid of was all due to selfishness, where we are only concerned about selfish motives. I wrote this experience-sharing article so that other practitioners who might have stumbled along the way can seize the opportunity and catch up with the rest of us.
Master said:
"Once the illusion that you cannot let go of disappears, you will realize what you have lost." ("Practicing Cultivation After Retirement" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Above is just my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
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Category: Improving Oneself
