(Clearwisdom.net) I obtained the Fa in 1996. I was very excited at that time, thinking I finally learned the true meaning of life, something that was worth even giving up my life for. However, I was arrested after July 20, 1999 and was led astray by twisted logic and gave up the practice. Several years later when I came back to Dafa cultivation and recognized that I made a big mistake, I felt confused. I had always thought I could sacrifice everything for Dafa. How could the evil forces take advantage of my omissions and lead me to enlighten along an evil path? My recent experiences and the hints from Master made me realize I had many unnoticed attachments. I understood how serious cultivation is and how any strong attachment could be dangerous.
My first attachment was that I always considered myself in the right, thinking my level was higher and I was more enlightened. I judged others with my understandings. After I started cultivation, I had a thought that if I could not reach the standard of consummation, I would rather have my body and soul become extinct; I would rather destroy myself than pollute the universe. I thought such a thought was very selfless and sacrificing and thought I had enlightened to a high level.
Now I realized that such a thought was due to my misunderstanding the Fa. I understood the Fa with an attachment to elation and showing off; such an attachment is very easy for the old forces to take advantage of. First of all, Master wants to save all sentient beings during the Fa rectification. He never says imperfect lives will be destroyed. It was my misunderstanding that lives not reaching a certain standard would become extinct. Secondly, it is hard for people in cultivation to be perfect. The old forces would say that if he/she said that he/she would rather become extinct if not reaching the standard, let us arrange it according to his/her own will. My attachment invited this tribulation. Many fellow practitioners thought people who enlightened along an evil path were mostly attached to fear and human notions. Actually, there is another group of former practitioners who enlightened along an evil path because of their strong attachments to elation and showing off. The evil took advantage of such attachments and created demonic interference from their own minds. This is why many practitioners who seemed to be firm ended-up being "transformed" by the evil.
My other strong attachment was the hidden attachment of lust. Since I started cultivation I knew human desires are attachments. On the surface I let it go and did not pay attention to it. I thought I was not after these things. However, I found that deep in my heart, I still yearned for romantic human feelings. In theory I knew I should let go of this attachment, but I could not truly let go of something I secretly thought was good and worth treasuring.
Since starting cultivation I let go of many attachments to fame and personal benefits, yet I could not let go of romantic feelings. The more I forced myself to let it go, the harder it was to let it go. The old forces took advantage of my attachment, and often arranged for the man I liked to pursue me. The purpose was to seduce me to make a mistake so that they could destroy me. Even if I did not make any big mistake, the incident often distracted me from cultivation and caused tribulations. I thought the test of lust only occurred in dreams. Now I understand that human life itself is a dream. Any tribulations we encounter are tests. If we can not let go of the attachment to lust, the evil will take advantage of the attachment to lead us astray. This is a serious lesson to learn.
These are all serious attachments, yet I did not realize them in the past and did not pay attention to these issues. I did not truly understand Master’s Fa, yet thought myself to be enlightened to a high level. I feel ashamed of myself now. From fellow practitioners’ articles, I learned that Master always minded the details of etiquette, such as putting shoes in nice order or paying attention to details when working. I thought Master was teaching us to leave a good impression of Dafa among human society. Now I understand that minding the details of etiquette is actually a way of validating Dafa in human society. Now that we came to human society, we must follow the rules of this level and be responsible to lives in this level. Not minding the details of etiquette is actually not being benevolent.
The more I cultivate, the more I experience the profound meaning and boundless benevolence of Dafa and the more I regret the mistakes I made. Now I truly understand why I have experienced so many tribulations on my cultivation path. I will follow Master’s direction to purify myself; this is the only way to show the power of Dafa and save sentient beings.
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