(Clearwisdom.net) I was diagnosed with breast cancer in the summer of 2004. During my treatment, I learned Falun Dafa. After my operation, I started to cultivate. Prior to that, I had problems with my husband and I left home for over three years. After I learned Falun Dafa, I understood why human beings are human beings and why humans have illnesses and tribulations. Three months after I learned the Fa, in my dream, I felt that Teacher Li had taken away the bad beings from me. They have left me. I know that Teacher Li removed the bad things from my body and my dimensional field.
Through studying the Fa, I realized that cultivators should think about other people first at all times. Divorce is a product of the deviated culture. As a practitioner, I should not do it. But I did not want to go back to my husband. Fellow practitioners shared with me from the Fa’s perspective. As a true practitioner, one has to face reality. A complicated environment is our cultivation environment. You have nothing to cultivate if no one makes trouble for you. If you can step out of it, you are a cultivator. Otherwise, you are an ordinary person. So, I went back home. I told myself that it was Teacher and Dafa that saved me. My life belongs to Dafa. No matter what other people say, they will not bother me. At first, my husband found fault with me all the time. I kept reminding myself to "not strike back when beaten and not swear back when sworn at." I used opportunities to talk to him about how to live and also sent forth righteous thoughts to clear out all evil elements controlling him in other dimensions.
In the beginning, I did not know any local practitioners as I learned Falun Dafa somewhere else. Then I met one local practitioner while doing truth clarification and learned about the local situation. Before the persecution began on July 20, 1999, many people were practicing. After the persecution started, many people gave up. Some very steadfast practitioners are being held and monitored with no freedom. Some others are doing very limited things. Still others are practicing at home. Due to the isolation of our city and the backward economic situation, most people do not understand the truth. And they don’t want to hear it most of the time. I had no way to get truth clarification materials. So, my daughter (also a practitioner) decided that I should get on the Internet on my own.
In April 2005, my daughter bought me a second-hand computer and a small printer. At that time, I only knew how to turn the computer on and off. Learning how to use the computer is a cultivation process for me. I am in my fifties and had very poor memory as a result of the surgery, and did not know the English alphabet. I did not know where to start.
First, I had to get rid of the concept of being "not able to learn." My fellow practitioner said to me, "Here is the computer in front of you. It’s the arrangement of Teacher Li and the need to validate the Fa. There is no reason why a practitioner cannot do it." Then I was left to figure it out by myself. As soon as I had the Internet, I begged Teacher Li to help me. It was really Teacher that did it. I do not think that I could have done it without his assistance. Gradually I was able to get online, download, and print out Teacher’s articles, "Minghui Weekly," and truth clarification materials. I printed enough for the practitioners around me. It became a production site. Everyone was improving fast. Everyone tried to contribute and pay for the operation of the site. I found that as soon as I had problems in my xinxing, it reflected in the performance of the equipment. The computer and printer would not work or would not go on-line.
This summer, the police came to my place to check on the number of people living in my home. The Telecommunications Bureau came to ask about my phone bill, asking where I was calling and to whom and why it cost so much. I said I was calling my daughter and son. They also asked if I had installed broadband Internet access. I realized that I had loopholes and was being monitored. I told my fellow practitioner and they sent forth righteous thoughts for me and also helped me to look inward.
Then, when I turned on the computer it started to scan. I knew that Teacher was giving me a hint to look inward. When I was reading the Minghui articles, with Teacher’s guidance, I realized my fundamental attachment. Not only did I go into Dafa for healing my illness, I came in because I wanted to leave this world. I used Dafa as a means to my goal of salvation. I found my fundamental attachment after two years of cultivation. It was Teacher Li that helped me do that. Then everything that happened to me earlier no longer seemed to matter.
I tried to submit my name to quit the CPP on-line. Simply because I added the character "person" in my submission, I failed every time. This character "person" not only wasted my own energy, but also added unnecessary troubles to fellow practitioners. It also increased the safety risks. I had become attached to it, which affected my participation in Fa-rectification. Only numbers were required, but I had to add the character "person." Why? Isn’t this my state of mind? I was presumptuous, arrogant and over-confident.
Last night, I felt some guidance from Teacher Li. I felt that I should look at myself from within the Fa. Today, I realized that it was the extra, unnecessary character of "person/human" that I added in. As soon as I got rid of it, I was able to send out my submission. The character represents my human mentalities, the characteristics of the old forces, and sentimentality. It was so difficult to get rid of it. I had thoughts of being wronged and being treated unfairly. No matter how hard I tried to suppress it, I still had them.
One evening last October, I went out to distribute truth clarification materials. Before I left, my thoughts were not righteous. Then I said to myself, "I have had this fear for so long. If I don’t get rid of it, I will never be able to go out. Why don’t I go anyway?"
I passed three traffic lights, every one of which had several people standing around it. But it did not bother me, so I continued to walk forward. When I got to my destination, I saw two guys standing on the corner. I did not pay much attention to that either. I just thought to myself, "how come there are so many people out this evening?" When I was about to walk around the corner, I heard a police siren, but did not pay attention to that either. In fact, Teacher was cautioning me. Then when I was about to make a turn, I saw a car parked not too far away with its lights on. I thought it was someone picking up guests from the hotel. So, I just ignored it. Then I saw two households with lights on and people inside. I took out a copy of the truth clarification material and was about to put it in through the slot when a beam of lights shined on me. I realized that I was being followed. I put in the material and continued to walk ahead, sending forth righteous thoughts at the same time. I was a little uncertain at that time. The lights followed me and I wanted to find a place to hide. Then the car started. I said to myself, I have done nothing wrong by distributing the materials. My materials are for saving sentient beings and they cannot fall into their hands. I am here to assist the Teacher in rectifying the Fa. It cannot be in their hands. At that point, the car stopped and the lights were turned off. I knew that Teacher saved me.
I finished my task and went home smoothly. I did not see anyone after that. Later, I found out that it was a massive operation with police everywhere to arrest practitioners. I realized that when we have righteous thoughts, Teacher will do everything for us. But, if our righteous thoughts are not so strong, the evil will have loopholes to take advantage of. If we have sufficient righteous thoughts, Teacher can protect us and the evil has no excuses to obstruct him. Teacher is always with us, protecting us.
One day at around two p.m., I was sleepy and I wanted to sleep for half an hour. But I was afraid that I might oversleep. So, I said to Teacher, "Could you remind me to wake up please." What happened was that I woke up exactly after half an hour. I was very clear-minded too. I know that this is not right and I should not have bothered Teacher to do this. But through this, I did realize that Teacher is around us, protecting us mercifully. Teacher cherishes us more than we cherish ourselves. What excuses do we have not to do better?
I have done poorly. I still have fear and I have not put down fame, self-interest and all emotions. I have not done a good job saving sentient beings. But I still want to say to those who have not stepped forward, please do so. This is the one and only chance that we have. It will not happen again.
Due to my limited levels, please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
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