(Clearwisdom.net) It has been almost ten years since my husband and I started practicing Falun Dafa. During these ten years, I did not go through xinxing tests very well. Just as Teacher said in "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be":
"But as cultivation is lived out, when the suffering bears down on you and conflicts come up that hit upon the deepest part of you--and especially when it rattles the rigid notions you have--the test is really hard to pass. It can even be to the point that you know full well it's a test but still can't let go of your attachments."
Sometimes my husband did not practice the exercises and I would think that he didn't practice diligently. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said that he only practiced because of me. I knew he didn't mean it. Instead, he was sarcastic toward me. I looked inward and found that I believed that I was always right. I felt very sad. Sometimes my husband slept when it was time for sending forth righteous thoughts. I reminded him to keep a strong main consciousness. He replied, "I am not as diligent as you. You practice very well and I am not doing well." I was upset with him but thought that I must be tolerant. Once I told him that he should read the articles from the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. He said, "You don't have to tell me what to do. Let me practice on my own."
I recited to him Teacher's teaching in Zhuan Falun:
"Somebody once said to me, "Teacher, it's good enough to just be a good ordinary person. Who could get that far in cultivation?" I was so sad to hear that! I didn't say anything to him. There are all types of characters out there. There's only so much he can comprehend, and nobody can do anything about it--it's the person who comprehends it who gains."
He replied, "Do not push the Fa on me. I will give up practicing if you do it again." Therefore, I immediately apologized to him. I burst into tears and thought he was far from being diligent. I blamed him in my heart, knowing that Falun Dafa was so precious, Teacher was so merciful, and our responsibilities were so important, so why did he not cherish it?
I could not get rid of my human notions and human way of thinking during these ten years. The human notions formed substances in other dimensions and displayed them into this human world. I was never able to discover my attachments because I was looking inward with attachments and notions.
Several days ago, my husband went to bed first after we had sent forth righteous thoughts at midnight. With my divine side, I thought about Teacher's poem, "Fulfill a Wish:"
"With one heart, coming to this human world,
Earlier having acquired the Fa.
Fly over to the heavenly paradise in the future,
Carefree, with the Fa boundless."(Hong Yin)
I realized that my husband and I were two representatives from two different celestial bodies. We started practicing Falun Dafa together and we assimilated and validated the Fa together. Afterwards, we would go back to our own celestial body separately. We had a predestined relationship so that we could improve better together. Teacher said of great enlightened beings in "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston":
"They are in a state of immense tolerance, of mercy toward all beings, and of being able to understand everything with kindness. To put it in human terms, they're always able to be understanding of others."
What was I not able to put aside or get rid off? Teacher taught us the great truth of the Fa. Teacher is so merciful and tolerant. I was moved to tears. In my heart I felt great tolerance and my attachments were eliminated. At that moment, I could only think of my husband's good sides. He always thought of others first and was enthusiastic being able to share with other practitioners.
I discovered my fundamental attachments. They were jealousy, showing off, selfishness, thinking highly of myself and looking down upon others, being bossy and always looking at my husband's shortcomings. These attachments formed into the notion that "he was not diligent," which in turn made him feel inferior and he developed the notion that, "I don't practice well." He was thus confused about his practice state and I misunderstood his notion as being his true self. I knew that I had attachments and I had to look inward, but I could not get rid of qing and always looked at things from that perspective.
Falun Dafa is so magnificent. When I looked inward and discovered my attachments, things changed. Within two days, my husband volunteered and wanted to set up a Fa-study group. He suggested that we both study the Fa, share experiences, clarify the truth and produce truth-clarification materials together.
My experience is that we should only see the good qualities of others and discover our own attachments with tolerance and forbearance. Only with a tolerant heart are we able to conform to the Fa.
2006-1-07
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