(Clearwisdom.net) I am a teacher, and I started practicing Falun Gong in 1997. I was very excited. Because I started practicing so late in my life I often cried. However after listening to the lecture in which Teacher says that latecomers would not be left behind, I calmed down. During my cultivation, I have been very strict with myself. If I am very busy at work, I make good use of my time to study the Fa, and if I have a lot of household chores to do, I squeeze in time to study the Fa and do the exercises by getting up very early. Even though I had a lot of interference from my family, I kept my actions and words consistent with a practitioner's standard. I participated in activities spreading the Fa. Many times I went to the countryside to spread the Fa. I also attended every single experience-sharing meeting. Since I felt I was completely assimilated to Dafa, I felt extraordinarily happy.
My heart for cultivation has never changed, even after the persecution began. I have been arrested four times for validating the Fa, and apparently part of the reason is that I didn't have an in-depth understanding of the Fa. But I didn't dare slack off for even a little bit on the road of cultivation. While working, I was doing Dafa work. I also have to look after my family, and so I have always been busy.
Due to not being able to balance well the relationship between cultivation and family, especially during the Fa-rectification period, and due to being busy with Dafa work, I didn't spend too much time at home. Consequently, I heard complaints from my husband, and sometimes my son didn't listen to me.
By not paying enough attention to my family for such a long time, I gave the evil a chance to take advantage, and my family ran into conflicts. My child was obsessed with playing video games, especially playing games with monsters. I knew that it didn't do him any good, but he didn't listen to me. After a while, he became more obsessed with the games, and he also became very agitated after playing them. When we talked to him, he appeared to be impatient, and he even started swearing at us. He showed no respect to his parents. If we were strict with him, he said that we didn't treat him well. In addition, he didn't study hard enough. He only wanted to have fun. Because I didn't find the fundamental problem within myself, even though I sent forth righteous thoughts, it didn't have a very good effect. For the past year, my husband had his friend, a teacher, have tried to persuade our son that these things are bad. He tried everything but it ended up being useless. Also his teacher and classmates all said that he was not doing well. This situation had been going on for nearly a year and my husband swore and cursed almost every day because of him. Actually he was trying very hard to find a way to solve the problem, however nothing worked. Especially since New Year's Day, from a fight between the three of us, I truly came to understand the seriousness of this problem. I understood that I wasn't doing well in my cultivation.
After New Year's Day in 2006, I began to concentrate on studying the Fa in order to find where I fell short, and to dig out what my fundamental attachments were. Through studying the Fa, I came to understand that for a long period of time I didn't look inside when confronted by conflicts, and I didn't improve from my Fa studies on time, instead, I was trying to use external forces, seeking outside, and seeking ordinary people to solve my problems for me. What kind of behavior is that for a practitioner?! When a problem arises, there are certain factors involved for improving ourselves. I came to realize that I had some extreme opinions in dealing with my family issues.
Home Is Also a Place For Cultivation
After I obtained the Fa, I started treating Dafa work as the most important thing to do. In comparison, I felt that family came next. Everything is for the Fa. I thought, "I'll break away from every obstacle." However, what I missed was cultivation. Family environment is also a place for cultivation. For a long time, I had been cherishing this biased notion, so I had slacked off and I didn't treat myself as a practitioner. I always showed my laziness at home, and I always found excuses such as being too occupied with Fa-rectification work, so it was ok not to do the exercises enough. I always forgave myself, so I didn't do the five sets of exercises every day. After I sent forth righteous thoughts, I always wanted to take a nap for a little while. This " little while" soon became a half an hour or an hour. Much time was lost in that manner, and I didn't clean up the sleep demon. Studying the Fa and doing the exercises are something practitioners must do, you can't just study the Fa without doing the exercises, your body will not change. I could feel clearly that since I didn't do the exercises enough I felt tired while sending forth righteous thoughts.
I Have Strong Sentimentality Towards My Family
Regarding my family, I always thought that they were my family, this one is my son, and this one is my husband. I never treated them as sentient beings to be saved. When I came across a conflict, I didn't look inside. I was always too much involved in the conflict. Sometimes I didn't even cultivate speech, so that I hurt my family. I also didn't control myself well during conflicts, and mixed myself with ordinary people. I did things on impulse, and lacked patience. I always thought that when it came to doing Dafa work, they didn't understand me. Instead they caused interference, so that I felt resentment, I felt that something was wrong inside. Apparently this field is not good. When my husband had misunderstandings towards Dafa, I often fought with him, and I didn't do well or explain to others with kindness. When we had disagreements I dealt with them the same way an ordinary person would. I didn't speak a word, and gave them the silent treatment. Or I criticized them, "You are poisoned too much and your notions are too solid." Without realizing it, I easily gave definitions to ordinary people. I didn't let them see or feel the beauty of Dafa. How we perform as practitioners is embodied in our every word and every action in ordinary human society. No matter what we say, if we don't act properly, it won't do. So only behaving as practitioners is true cultivation.
Treating Conflicts With a Human Heart
When seeing my son behaving badly, in order to correct his action, I talked to him using ordinary human principles, trying to make him behave. However, he ended up complaining about us, saying that his parents didn't treat him well. I was still looking outward, and I said that he had no ethics, and didn't respect his parents. In addition, since my tone didn't sound kind enough, he didn't listen to me. On the other hand, some human attachments popped up. I felt that he was too stubborn, and his thoughts were biased and deviated. Afterwards, I calmed down and starting reflecting on myself in terms of educating children. We should pay attention to our methods. I was arrested four times, and after I returned home I didn't have enough time to look after him, so he didn't study the Fa enough. Plus with pollution from ordinary human society, his behavior changed for the worse. Because I was preoccupied with work, I didn't have much time to communicate with either my son or my husband. After returning home, it would be very late, and I felt sleepy after chatting with them for only a short while. Sometimes I didn't want to do my household chores so I tried to put it off. My husband said, "Look at you. There is no way you look like a practitioner. You can't even compare with us, I don't want to be a practitioner. You are so selfish. You don't care about our family, only yourself." When I heard this, I understood that I hadn't been strict enough with myself, and that I had used Dafa as an excuse. I said to myself, "What else do you know? All you know is some basic living stuff like oil, rice and salt. Our Dafa practitioners are busy saving people, which you will never understand." Due to this kind of mentality, sometimes when my husband argued with me, I talked back in a strong way. I said that he didn't understand me. We had different opinions, etc. Even though I hurt them so much, I didn't feel it.
When I finally calmed down and found my shortcomings I felt so scared, and it took me such a long time to finally realize that when conflicts arise in the family it means that we have omissions. However, I had been looking outwards. I asked myself, "Am I a true practitioner? Practitioners should behave the same way wherever they are, but look at me? I behave one way outside, while I behave another way at home. If I keep going like this, I would be..." I didn't dare to think further. I should cheer up, start over, and correct my biased behavior, so that I can improve from the Fa, cultivate diligently and validate the Fa through my actions.
I had been studying the Fa diligently for a few days and I had been sending forth a lot of righteous thoughts, trying to eliminate all evil factors behind my relatives and friends, and disintegrate all of the dark minions and rotten demons, destroying all elements of the Communist evil specter. I was strict with myself, and kind to my family. I now treat them as sentient beings to be saved instead of just my husband and my son. I try to communicate with them more, and maintain a calm heart of benevolence. When I do things, I do them for their benefit, and I let go of my attachments when doing Dafa work. I follow the course of nature, and if something is supposed to be done, I do it. And I frankly share with them on my shortcomings. I try my best to get rid of bad notions. In addition, for the past few days, I did a thorough clean-up at my home. Whenever I came across something to do with the Communist Party, I burned it. What I didn't expect was that even though I spent a lot of time looking for them, I didn't find them all. In addition, I got rid of the game books and game discs (such as monster world, game world, etc.). I also eliminated all evil factors behind them. At the beginning, my husband didn't understand me. I reasoned things out with him, and told him that they were harmful, very bad, and interfered with children. Later my husband took my side on this issue.
In a few days, bad things turned into good things. I have completely changed my notions, and I looked deep inside. As a result, my family's attitude has changed, and my environment has changed as well. My son started listening to the Fa with me and watching truth-clarification CDs. (Before, due to interference, when I played Teacher's lecture, he always turned it off and put in his music instead. He also didn't want to watch truth-clarification VCDs.) When I mentioned to him that he should not play videogames, he overreacted and said negative things. I wasn't taken in as I understood that it wasn't he who said those words, but his notions. So I started sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil factors behind him, and he became a good kid. Also, my husband made up his mind to cultivate Dafa, and asked me to teach him the exercises. He also lets our son study the Fa with me.
I recalled what Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005,"
"The path of Dafa disciples' cultivation is such that your cultivation doesn't involve breaking from the secular world, it's that kind of path. So, as you cultivate in the society of ordinary people, you are either being polluted by ordinary society or you are changing ordinary society. And that's for sure."
I truly feel the meaning of it. Also through my own experience I hope that those practitioners who have conflicts at home quickly look inside. Isn't it because we slack off in some respect? Or we have strong attachments towards our family? Isn't it because we haven't found our fundamental attachments? We can't wait any longer, we can't see it drag on and on. For Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples, our mission is to save sentient beings, then as to our relatives and friends, they should be the first ones saved by us. Because they have frequent contact with us, they have more opportunities to get to know the truth. Let us use our compassion that is cultivated from Dafa to change them!
I hope that fellow practitioners pay attention to their children, because they have predestined relationships with Dafa. We should not neglect them because we are busy, especially for those kids who become obsessed with video games.
The above is only my personal understanding, if anything is inappropriate, fellow practitioners, please kindly point those things out to me.
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