(Clearwisdom.net) I have been cultivating for ten years. For years, I sensed having strong attachments to showing off, and being zealous and combatant. After a long time of cultivation, these attachments became weaker and weaker as my xinxing level improved, and I assimilated to Dafa step by step. However, I never realized I had a strong attachment to jealousy.
Although Master has said that "...jealousy is displayed very strongly in China," (Zhuan Falun, 2000 translation version) I thought it never concerned me. I thought that in my whole life other people were jealous of me instead of the other way around. I thought the so-called "jealousy of those who have wisdom or skill" belonged to those who do not have wisdom or skill, while I am one with wisdom. I had been under other people's jealousy my whole life, so how could I be jealous of others? Among everyday people, my shortcoming was being "proud" of myself. How could I be envious of others? I perceived that this issue was not serious.
Recently however, I suddenly discovered that jealousy is indeed one of the most serious attachments in my cultivation. It is unspeakably strong and stays inside me. Every day during Fa study, I casually opened the book to the section on "Jealousy." I finally calmed down, looked inward, and found my problem. I found that I was jealous of one of my former colleagues. I always thought that this person's ability was ordinary. He did not have genuine ability and knowledge, and got his promotion through his connections and channels. Later, when I heard he became an important figure in another company, I acted as though I wasn't convinced, and immediately said, "I know that person. He does not have any ability. He just relies on his petty cleverness and connections. Nowadays, it is difficult to find the real thing" etc. When I got home and began studying the Fa, the "Jealousy" section came to my view. I found that I indeed had the attachment to jealousy - I was jealous of my colleague. Master said,
"A few years ago, absolute egalitarianism was practiced, and it has disordered people's thinking and values. Let me give you a specific example. In the workplace, a person may feel that others are not as capable as he. Whatever he does, he does it well. He finds himself indeed remarkable."
"Nevertheless, there may be another person in the same working group or sharing the same office with him who is quite incapable of doing anything or is good for nothing. Yet one day this incompetent person gets a promotion instead of him and even becomes his supervisor. He will feel in his heart that it is unfair and complain to his boss and coworkers, feeling very upset and quite jealous." (Zhuan Falun)
I felt this teaching was right about me. I realized this attachment and tried my best to eliminate it.
After a while, I saw a practitioner writing articles. Without much effort, over 10 articles he wrote were published on the Minghui website. I had sent them all in to the website. Although I know this practitioner is diligent in cultivation and has a high xinxing level, and the articles are really good, I still have .....
Thinking of the past few years, I really was jealous of fellow practitioners. There was a local Fa conference with many participating practitioners. I had a non-righteous thought, thinking they must have some loopholes. When I saw that many practitioners were illegally arrested, besides feeling pain, I somehow had a faint thought that I was right. I did not think any further to see if I had any jealousy. I saw a practitioner having some supernatural power, which was quite powerful. He could read your thought and when you had trouble, he could help you eliminate the evil and let you know where you did wrong. I still felt unconvinced, thinking he did not cultivate as well as me, and he also had many noticeable attachments. How could he have the qualifications to correct me? Although I received sincere help from fellow practitioners, I was still jealous of him without being even aware of it, not realizing my strong attachment of jealousy.
Every day when I studied the Fa, Master hinted at my attachment to jealousy. I tried hard but just could not remove it. Sometimes it became very serious and I felt really bothered. How could I be able to reach my cultivation target? Moreover, I could not even tolerate any good comments for others or even others' children. I would feel uncomfortable whenever I heard praises for other people. During that time, every day I heard people making good comments for other people, even for those whom I felt were not so good. I heard people praising them, saying they were better than me, which really made me mad. I always felt jealous of everyone. Even when a child was making a phone call to his father, I would think unusually - shouldn't the child call his mother instead?
When I found that my attachment to jealousy had become so excessive, I felt hopeless. I felt that I was covered in jealousy and my true nature could not get out, and no matter how hard I tried, I just could not remove it. One day I opened Zhuan Falun and a paragraph came into my view,
"Some people also know that it is not good, but they just cannot quit. In fact, let me tell you that they do not have correct thoughts to guide themselves, and it will not be easy for them to quit that way. As a practitioner, why don't you take it as an attachment to be abandoned, and see if you can quit. I advise everyone that if you truly want to practice cultivation you should quit smoking from now on, and it is guaranteed that you can quit." (Zhuan Falun)
Indeed, Master hinted to me in this way when I saw myself trapped in a situation but still wanting to cultivate in Dafa. Master asked me to try and quit being jealous just like He asked smoking people to quit smoking. I began seriously "quitting" my jealousy. I monitored it all the time. When it came out, I would strongly resist it. I found it was definitely not me, but my attachment. The reason I could not remove it was because I treated it as a part of myself. I was trying to eliminate it at the same time as I was protecting and covering it, fearing it would affect my image. Then how could I be able to remove it? I should expose it, let people see it, and then see if it will still be able to control me.
One day I sat down with another practitioner. The atmosphere was very peaceful. I suddenly realized that I had been jealous of him, so I sought inward to see if I still had any jealousy left. I searched for a while and did not find any. I tried harder, but still found nothing. My mind was so clear, and the feeling was so good... how wonderful it is when jealousy does no longer exists. I definitely had jealousy in the past, the jealousy was "...so strong that it has become natural and one does not even feel it." (Zhuan Falun)
Of course, the process of removing jealousy goes by layers. It may come out again in the future. However, I know how to "quit" my jealousy. Master has warned us,
"The issue of jealousy is very serious as it directly involves the matter of whether you can complete cultivation practice. If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit--absolutely not."
"Today I am telling practitioners that you should not keep yourselves in the dark without being enlightened to it. The goal that you intend to achieve is to practice cultivation toward high levels. The attachment of jealousy must be relinquished, so I have singled out the issue in this lecture." (Zhuan Falun)
February 23, 2006
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