(Clearwisdom.net) Yesterday, while my son played with my neighbor's child, my son did not play well with him and made him cry. When my son yelled at him, "Go away, cry baby!" I lost my temper, hit his bottom, and told him not to play with his friend any more. After a while, I asked my son if he would like to play with his friend again. My son calmly said, "Of course, but we will not play the same game." I lost my temper again since I thought that he had not listened to me and had intentionally offended me.
After dinner, I looked inward and found that I had a selfish mind regarding disciplining my son. In the past, I always blamed him for not being steadfast in studying the Fa. Actually, there was an attachment to success deeply in my mind. I felt if my son could not cultivate well, I would feel shamed before my fellow practitioners. If my son could cultivate well, then it was due to all my "efforts." To take advantage of heaven and put myself before the Fa, what a selfish mind this was! Moreover, I always complained that he did not study well and did not pay enough attention at school. I also found a dirty selfish mind behind this behavior. If my son could not study well at school, my husband would get angry at me and interfere with my doing work for Dafa. I did not teach my son with the Fa. I did not tell him that, as a practitioner, we should do well in everything. If he is a student, he should study well at school. I wanted him to study well for me, and not to give me any trouble. Actually, I did not consider my son at all. What I considered was preventing myself from suffering.
My husband looses his temper easily and my son is afraid of him. Therefore, my son always listens to him. The way my son treats me is totally different. He does not listen to me all the time. Looking at this, I found my attachment to jealousy.
The reason for losing my temper the first time was mainly because I thought that my son was giving me trouble. My first thought was: "My son made the neighbor's child cry, and my neighbor wouldn't feel happy about it. I had to apologize for him, which embarrassed me." I did not tell my son with compassion that as a practitioner, he has to be tolerant and forgiving. The reason I lost my temper the second time was because he told the truth--that it was impossible for two kids living close together not to play with each other.
In losing my temper while disciplining my child I did not treat myself as a practitioner, and did not consider my son's feelings. "Losing one's temper" occurs because an attachment or notion is activated. When my son did not listen to me, I thought to myself, "I am suffering a drastic fall in my prestige" and then I my temper. Sometimes I even thought that using "violence" was still effective.
My mind is peaceful now. In the evening when I was studying the Fa with my son, he said to me that the Fa seemed to point out many of his shortcomings. This was the first time that he has started to look inward. When I look inward, he also looks inward and actively assimilates to the Fa.
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Category: Improving Oneself
