(Clearwisdom.net) I had a very bad headache last night. It felt like I was hovering between life and death. This situation has appeared from time to time and seriously interfered with my doing the three things. It also caused my attachment of fear to instinctively surface. The headache must be from an attachment or a wrong notion. I set a goal to find the root cause and eradicate it.
Yesterday my husband wanted to go out to clarify the truth. He needed my help, but I wanted to take our child out to play. I didn't send forth righteous thoughts and my husband did not clarify the truth smoothly. I started to get a headache in the afternoon and by evening it became severe. The old forces took advantage of my loopholes, because my mind was not firm.
As I dug more deeply, I found that I hadn't done the three things well lately. I didn't consistently study the Fa, do the exercises, or clarify the truth. Everyday people's notions and attachments were on my mind. My thoughts were all about my current job dissatisfaction. I had wanted to find a more lucrative job, and I wasted a lot of time pursuing it. In the end, I wasted great amounts of money, time and energy. Had my seeking fame, wealth and comfort caused this? Wasn't this a strong attachment? Didn't it give the old forces an excuse to persecute me?
Another attachment was my concern about my weight and my looks. I weighed myself every day and bought magazines about how to lose weight. I followed the tips and tricks described in the magazines. One of the tips had to do with Yoga. These things were not in accordance to Dafa standards and should be eradicated. But I even bought them.
Also I get angry easily. I had an argument with my husband a few days ago, because we disagreed on how to discipline our child. I threw a tantrum and couldn't control myself. I thought I knew what he was thinking, but he said I was wrong. It didn't matter, as I continued to act on what I thought he was thinking, instead of asking him. This made the conflict very intense. After it was over, I felt very disappointed with myself and discouraged. Now that I think about it, isn't my getting angry a loophole for the evil to take advantage of?
It was because I wasn't aware of my attachments that the evil was able to take advantage of me and why my headache was totally out of control. In the beginning, my husband would massage my head just like everyday people to solve the problem. It seemed to work for a while and I started to rely on it. My headaches soon started again and were more intense. Massage and rubbing no longer helped, but instead increased the pain. There was no way out and I could only endure it. Later, I couldn't sit still when we both sent forth-righteous thoughts. I thought my capabilities were poor. Even my karma in these areas was huge, but I didn't think the headaches should have gotten this bad. What was behind my severe headaches? Many of my thoughts and behaviors didn't meet the standard of Dafa, so the old forces were able to take advantage of me repeatedly.
This experience has helped me dig out many of my attachments, so I could get rid of them and the elements of the old forces. I will study the Fa, pay attention to my every thought and truly cultivate myself.
This is my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
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Category: Improving Oneself
