(Clearwisdom.net) On July 21, 2006, there was an article entitled "The Prideful Eagle" on Clearwisdom.net (http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2006/8/2/76265.html). This fellow practitioner was awakened to the fact that "pride" could harm others, so when one prides oneself on you, you have to endure, or you could bring it up nicely and politely without worrying too much about offending that person. I feel what he expressed was right, but what is the underlying cause of "pride"? Let me look back on the paragraph of our Teacher's Fa on this subject:
"Jealous types look down upon others and don't allow others to surpass them. When they see someone more capable than they, their minds lose all perspective, they find it unbearable, and they deny the fact. ("Eliminating Jealousy" from Falun Gong)
My understanding is that jealousy is one of the main causes of pride.
I began my cultivation practice just a few months prior to July 20, 1999, the date when the persecution started. My husband said that the foundation of my cultivation practice was not solid. At home I could get very angry and explode while arguing about little things. Even though I have never stopped cultivation practice in the face of evil intervention after all these years, I vaguely feel that there is a problem with my xinxing, like a flower vase that has a crack which will eventually ruin the whole thing. It's so hard to face myself. When a problem arises, I unknowingly make excuses for myself. One day I came to realize that while I thought I had completely eliminated my jealousy through cultivation, in reality I had only eliminated some of it. It is like a fully grown tree, where only some branches and leaves are well-maintained, but the root and the main trunk are untouched. Past scenes were flowing by in my mind. The fact of the matter is, what I didn't do right was because of my "pride" that was caused, in some way, by jealousy.
At work, in order to satisfy my own sense of personal well-being, when someone had success or did a good thing, I always thought that this person must have done something such as giving gifts to make it happen. Of course, nowadays when you want to get something done in China, more often than not it does involve some kind of behind the scenes activities. But as a Dafa practitioner, is it okay just to think of others' having bad behavior or wrongdoing and not think of their being diligent and hard working?
"A person may have practiced qigong for over twenty years without developing any supernormal abilities, while another person has obtained them soon after beginning the practice. This person will then find it unfair: "I've practiced for over twenty years without developing any supernormal abilities, and he has developed them. What sort of supernormal abilities has he got?" This person will be infuriated: "He's got spirit or animal possession and is experiencing cultivation insanity!" ("Jealousy" from Zhuan Falun)
What is the difference between my state of mind and that person's state of mind as our Teacher indicated above? People's actions must have a karmic relationship or retribution of reincarnation. As a Dafa practitioner, my state of mind should be compassionate and focused on saving sentient beings. When someone becomes famous or rich, I try to defame that person in my mind. This state of mind hides jealousy.
Only a few days ago, an "accidental" thing made me really confront my own jealousy. I accidentally overheard in my office that our boss sent a new colleague out on a business trip, which greatly upset me. The financial compensation for this kind of business trip could include both travel and actual work hours. I felt this opportunity should be mine, because I have been working in this office for many years and still haven't had this kind of opportunity. At the time I thought of it, I realized that this was jealousy, and the kind of jealousy that is deeply rooted in my head. I had removed some of it, but very soon it grew back again.
I knew that thinking about my work situation regularly could create thought karma, but occasionally I still thought, "This is not fair to me." I felt very pained and asked from my heart for our Teacher to help me eliminate my jealousy. I read the lecture on "Jealousy" in Zhuan Falun over and over again. Later, I recited the chapter, one paragraph after another. A few days later I found that my previous thoughts on that were mainly the reflection of jealousy, but at that time I didn't realize it.
I want to thank our great Teacher who made me realize this jealousy through indications and great compassion, because if I were an everyday person, this kind of thought would have accompanied me throughout my life without my knowing it. As a regular person, jealousy can not only harm oneself, but also hinder oneself from living peacefully with others. But as a practitioner, the problem could be more serious.
"Jealousy is a huge obstacle in cultivation and one that has a large impact on practitioners. It directly impacts a practitioner's gong potency, harms fellow cultivators, and seriously interferes with our ascension in cultivation." ("Eliminating Jealousy" from Falun Gong)
Teacher also said,
"There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit—absolutely not." (Zhuan Falun)
The above is some of my understanding in cultivation. Please kindly correct me if I am wrong.
August 6, 2006
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