(Clearwisdom.net) Since I began to practice Falun Dafa in 1998, I deeply realize my good fortune. I should cherish it and concentrate on studying the Fa and study more. This has always been uppermost in my mind, but when I studied the Fa, I fell asleep quickly unless I stood up and read it out loud, but then my legs got sore after a while. Because I could not break through the "sleep demons," I needed a great deal of sleep. The main reason was I feared enduring hardship, I pursued comfort, and I could not bear pain, so I wasted time not doing the three things well and felt deep regret.
Because I was interfered with by "sleep demons" during Fa study, I did not study the Fa solidly. Every time I read practitioners' articles in the "Minghui Weekly", I felt I had all the attachments that were mentioned, such as a mentality of showing off literary talent and oratory; the attachments of zealotry, greed, and selfishness; an attachment to self worth; the attachment to sentimentality; etc. I certainly had almost every attachment mentioned in practitioners' articles. While I read about practitioners analyzing themselves and looking inward, I felt so ashamed.
Sometimes I am diligent, and sometimes I am lazy. When I am diligent, my righteous thoughts are strong, I am not hungry, thirsty, or sleepy; my mind is clear, without messy thoughts; and I am full of energy. Moreover, when my righteous thoughts are very strong, I can enter into tranquility when I practice the exercises. In a class, I could let go of myself, tell students the truth in an open and honorable manner, and help students to understand the truth. At that moment, my entire universe and dimensions were full of righteous thoughts, the students listened carefully, and some even cried.
When I taught Chinese, students in two classes wrote short sentences about the truth. I also read articles from the Minghui/Clearwisdom and Pure Insight websites to students several times and gave them truth-clarification materials. I felt Teacher was beside me and mercifully protecting me and encouraging me. My mind was pure, with no other thoughts. I only wanted to validate the Fa and save sentient beings. Even though my job changed many times, due to our great and merciful Teacher's arrangements, it became more and more favorable for me to study the Fa. I used to be irrational and emotional, but now I am much more mature. More than once I said to Teacher from my innermost self and with my purest voice, "I will cherish every minute and second in the Fa-rectification period, practice diligently, and do the three things well." I often think about how gracious and noble Falun Dafa practitioners are, helping others to understand the dignity of Dafa and refusing to let any evil interfere with or persecute us in the slightest so that we may assist Teacher in Fa-rectification. Because of this thought, merciful Teacher protected me time and again, even though sometimes I was not rational in the process of clarifying the truth--even impertinent--but I only experienced surprise with no danger.
Everyone who knows me also knows I am a Falun Dafa practitioner, including the county cadres; therefore I pay special attention to my every word and act and thought, because a practitioner's image affects people's understanding of Falun Dafa. I am often encouraged by the words of a fellow practitioner: "I am not an enlightened being, but I must speak, think, and act like an enlightened being; I am not a person with great inborn quality, but I must improve my xinxing like a person with great inborn quality; I am not a fool, but I must be as virtuous as a fool; I am not an everyday person, but I must look like a normal person." Therefore, most of my fellow practitioners think that, though I am young, I am diligent and have strong righteous thoughts. This inflated my vanity and my attachment to flattery. When I talked about the good things I had done, I took delight in talking about them and craved recognition and success. I liked for others to praise me for my good literary talent and oratory, and hid my bad qualities, such an ugly heart, which was extremely dangerous! Recently I have been severely interfered with by "sleep demons," tired by the pursuit of fame, and isolated by the fear of hearing criticism. I repeatedly picked up my pen, but because I wanted to sleep a bit longer or was not confident, I helplessly put the pen down over and over again.
When summer vacation began, I decided to break through the "sleep demons" no matter what. I set the alarm for 11:50 p.m. As soon as it rang once, I immediately turned it off, sat up, and sent forth righteous thoughts. In order not to fall sleep, I had my eyes open when sending forth righteous thoughts. After that, I did all five sets of exercises. Because it was quiet late at night, I felt very good, as if I no longer needed sleep, so I did the five sets of exercises again. Four hours passed in a flash. I felt more energetic, so I read the book till 6 a.m. Then I sent forth righteous thoughts. After that, my human notions came out: "I have done enough! I need more sleep!" I slept till after 8 a.m. When I woke up, I quickly studied the Fa again. A day later, my entire body was sore, I had no strength, and my left eye became red. I said to myself, "Practicing the exercises and studying the Fa are the best way to rest! How can I be so tired?" I calmed down and looked inward. It was because I had the thought that I needed more sleep in the morning, so the "sleep demons" once again took advantage of me, and my divine thought of regarding practicing the exercises and studying the Fa as the best rest instantly fell away, to be replaced by the human thought of needing more sleep. How could it not be so?
In recent days I have only been sleeping two to three hours before sending forth righteous thoughts at midnight. Then I use the rest of night to practice the exercises and study the Fa. I don't feel sleepy during the day. I am energetic and have plenty of time. Thinking about before, because I had an insatiable desire for sleep, I did not do the three things well enough, especially when I was busy at work during the day. I could not guarantee my Fa study and exercise time. I was attached to myself and fell into that sentiment. Therefore, I was often depressed, ashamed, and uncomfortable. This made made even more tired, an uncontrollable feeling that was difficult to rein in. This vicious cycle made me so anxious! I knew I had to overcome it, but I could not bear the hardship. My willpower was not strong, and I could not break through, so I indulged the "sleep demons." My inflated vanity made it difficult for me to confide in other practitioners. It was too painful.
When I went to a fellow practitioner's home, Teacher used my son to give me a hint. My son told the fellow practitioner, "My mom falls asleep during Fa study, sending forth righteous thoughts, and doing the exercises, because she loves sleep." My "shortcoming" was exposed for the first time. I blushed but I quickly became clear-minded, got rid of my human thoughts, and was truly grateful that my son had uncovered my "shortcoming." This enabled me to recall my divine state from when I was diligent and had strong righteous thoughts. Why couldn't I achieve it now?
"When disciples have ample righteous thoughts
Master has the power to turn back the tide" (from "The Master-Disciple Bond" in Hong Yin II)
After I calmed down to study the Fa, I enlightened that as long as we let go
of life and death, are rock solid, have faith in Teacher and Dafa, and have
sentient beings in our minds, miracles will appear in front of us. And so I had
the experience of completely eliminating the "sleep demons."
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