(Clearwisdom.net) My work environment provides opportunity for some people to be idle, so sometimes, colleagues come to sit and chat with me. Among them is a male about 50 years old. After just a couple of interactions, I started to detect that this person had developed a strong physical attraction for me, as his eyes were always fixed on my face. On the surface I maintained my composure, but in my heart I started to loathe him, and afterwards I intentionally became estranged from him. Finally I would not pay attention to him even if I was walking in his direction.
In the beginning I looked into myself and could not discover any words or deeds of mine that would cause his lust. Then I thought maybe I owed him a karmic debt from a previous lifetime and now he is causing me to suffer a tribulation because of this. Therefore, I reminded myself every day not to dislike him and to maintain my composure. But this person did not change even over a period of time, and even my colleagues found out about this matter. The situation greatly affected me and I was unable to calm down while studying the Fa.
Afterwards I thought it might be interference from the old forces and sent forth righteous thoughts every day to eradicate the evil behind him, but the situation remained as before. I felt puzzled for a while and thought, "Why am I experiencing this?" I looked into my heart more deeply and an idea jumped out, prompting me to ask myself, "If he had a pleasing appearance and I found him attractive, would I dislike him?" I honestly answered myself, "No, at least I wouldn’t dislike him so much." Isn’t this itself a manifestation of lust ?
Practitioners must use a higher standard to measure themselves and cannot use ordinary people’s standards. For example, sometimes I would hear my colleagues discussing raunchy or off-color topics and I did not maintain my xinxing. Because of sentimentality (qing) I would, without thinking, add a few words that I thought weren’t that bad. However, according to the standard of the Fa I should not have spoken those words. Also, I would subconsciously take one more look at the people of the opposite sex whose appearance was attractive, and, even though I did not indulge in fantasy, it was still coming from a heart of lust, only of a different magnitude.
Actually the interference and conflicts we encounter can all be found as attachments within ourselves. When a conflict comes, if on the surface it doesn’t seem to be my fault, I will sometimes forget to look inside and will even think about how to rectify the opposite party. On our cultivation path there is no accidental circumstance; everything is related to the improvement of xinxing. When our mentality is not upright, evil will be incurred. When we encounter conflicts, even if we cannot seem to identify "who is the guilty one," as practitioners, everyone must look inside themselves unconditionally because it’s likely there are factors related to one’s self improvement or the conflict wouldn’t have appeared. Master said, "Buddha’s light shines everywhere, propriety and righteousness harmonize everything," He also said, "...everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples’ thoughts." I am very happy to discover through this matter the specific mentalities of mine that are not good. I am working to get rid of them.
Before long, that male colleague was transferred, and when I run into him on occasion, I am able to stay very composed.
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