(Clearwisdom.net) I was a quiet and unsocial person before I began practicing Falun Gong. People always talked about superficial things like, "You are good, and he is not good." Sometimes, however, when I saw people spending time together and chatting happily with each other, I felt quite envious of them. Because of my attachment, I wouldn’t make any contact with them. Over a long period of time, I developed a bad habit of being shy with strangers: even when somebody teased or joked with me, I remained shy and blushed.
After I obtained Dafa, I realized that that behavior was not good and that it was caused by my attachments and human notions. It was also a great obstacle for me in clarifying the truth of Falun Gong and saving sentient beings. By continuously studying the Fa, I was able to change some of my human notions and get rid of some attachments. However, my cultivation state was still not good.
I remember during 2001 and 2002 that my cultivation state was extremely bad. At that time, I didn’t even dare to interact with strangers. I was so afraid of them, feeling as if they were all laughing at me. Once, a group of people were chatting and making jokes, paying no attention to me. I went over to greet them, but they pretended they didn't hear me. The more fear I had, the more upset I felt. When I clarified the truth to them, my righteous thoughts were not strong enough. I was superficial and felt like there was a rabbit jumping in my heart. I wondered, "How could I save sentient beings like this?"
All of this was caused by my unrighteous mind. Only by studying the Fa could I change it. Therefore, I studied the Fa more and more and spent more time sending forth righteous thoughts. And I judged everything according to the criteria of Dafa.
Master said:
"That person puts you in an awful situation among everyday people, and he is the party that has gained at your expense. The worse the situation he puts you in and the greater its impact, the more you will endure and the more de he will lose. Such de will all be given to you."
"... you might have mistreated them in your previous life. You feel wronged, 'Why are they treating me like that?' Well, why did you treat them like that before?" (Zhuan Falun)
After understanding the Fa principles and developing the right attitude, I regarded myself as a cultivator at all times and achieved my prehistoric great wish to save sentient beings.
On my way to the market one day, I went to a barbershop to get a haircut. There, I clarified the truth to many people and they understood that Falun Dafa is good. I was really happy and it also made me feel more confident in clarifying the truth. Ever since then, I have increased my Fa study and searched inward when problems arose. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all negative factors in my field, totally negated all the arrangements of the old forces, and eliminated my bad mindset. In this way, I was able to change my cultivation environment.
As I was writing this article, my thought karma still emerged. It said, "Aren't you afraid of being laughed at if you write this?" I responded, "No, these are bad things and I must eliminate them."
This is only my understanding at my level.
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