(Clearwisdon.net)

1. When our minds are clearly based on the Fa and are unimpeded during Fa study, then we can have a righteous mindset and righteous conduct to offer people salvation

My recent cultivation condition was quite bad. It seemed that time went by so fast that I could barely catch my breath—an entire busy week made my head spin. I had not done well with the things Dafa requires of us. I let myself fall into problem situations and had to spend my time solving problems. I did things based on human mindsets and took many twists and turns. My hand was lopsided when sending forth righteous thoughts. I had totally lost my righteous mind. Why did this happen to me? Because I did not calm my mind when studying the Fa.

When I initially arrived at the truth materials production site, I was able to calm my mind every day for Fa study and for reciting the Fa, as well as for sending forth righteous thoughts at every hour. However, with the passing of time I had some odd attachments to time and gradually eased up. I had previously studied three lectures of Fa each day, later I decreased it to two lectures a day, and now I only study one lecture a day. Even for studying this one lecture I was unable to calm myself. Because I didn’t properly comprehend the impact of Fa-study, I felt sleepy after a while when reading the Fa—sometimes even dizzy—and my main consciousness was clouded. When other people were reading the Fa I began to doze off, and sometimes I even dropped the book. The situation couldn’t have been worse, but I did not realize it then.

Once when I was reading the Fa I felt really sleepy and dozed off. Then, suddenly I felt someone nudging my shoulder. I awoke immediately. I knew it must be Teacher reminding me. The feeling I had was one of merciful power; it was light, but it shook my heart. Words fail to describe the sensation. Another time when I had fallen asleep while reading the Fa I put the book down. Lying on the bed just after I closed my eyes I saw a very ugly looking female laughing evilly at me. Then I saw some people arrive and kneel down before me. Aren't they all the beings in my world? I got up immediately. I knew that it was our merciful Master reminding me again. I realized if we don't do the three things well it means that many beings lives are at stake! I opened the book and continued to study the Fa again and my drowsiness disappeared. The same thing occasionally happened later on.

Master said,

Now I have realized that having this kind of attitude during Fa study is a sign of irreverence toward Teacher and the Fa. It is a sin! Our merciful Teacher gives us many opportunities to correct our mistakes.

Because I had not treated Fa study seriously enough, many undesirable attachments—some I could see, and others I could not see—emerged at the same time. The hardest attachment for me to overcome is vanity; I like to show off and can’t give up my preoccupation with ego. After all, it represents the yearning for recognition and renown. Because I didn’t get rid of these attachments for a long time, I lost many opportunities to offer people salvation. For example, I usually pay a lot of attention to my looks. I look in the mirror many times to see whether or not I am looking older. I don’t like to go out in the summer, because I am afraid to get a sunburn. Teacher hinted several times: many mirrors had broken into pieces, many hats and umbrellas were missing. I realized my attachments but still did not want to let go of them. Sometimes when I worked outside and thought I was not well-enough dressed, I was afraid that I would encounter someone I knew. Sometimes if I met someone I knew I would lower my head and pass quickly.

One time I ran into a colleague who was a good friend. I had not seen her for almost six years because I had been incarcerated and persecuted in a labor camp. As soon as she saw me, she seemed dumbfounded and stared at me. I glanced at her and passed by. Because she knows my situation, I didn’t want to bring up everything about myself. And I was also afraid that she would say, "How could you be like this?" After I returned home, I could do nothing. I felt so guilty. I closed my eyes and shut out the world. I always make excuses that I have no time for clarifying the truth to people. Our compassionate Teacher brings people into my life from time to time, but I missed the chances each time. My human notions kept me tied down, and I forgot my reasons for being in this world.

Because I could not calm down to study the Fa, I couldn’t really understand the Fa and couldn’t enlighten from the Fa. That is why my daily human notions and my attachments became stronger. I had previously always thought that I did not have jealous heart; no matter what happened, I always had good thoughts towards others. When I saw other practitioners reach a profound realization I was always very happy for them. Recently I feel that my jealous heart had also emerged. For instance, when I heard one practitioner say that another practitioner had cultivated very well, I did not like to hear it. Moreover, I used [my comprehension of the] Fa to cover it up. I pointed out that it is not necessary to say who has and has not cultivated well. This kind of talk was not based on the Fa. I thought, "I am always in contact with that practitioner, and she wasn’t like what you said and she also had attachments." Today I realized what went through my head. What a bad, jealous heart it was! It scared me. When I dug deep I found out this is due to my preoccupation with vanity. I am very concerned with what other people think of me, and I like to be a cut above others. Thus, as time passes, the jealous heart emerges. Teacher pointed out,

As my writing reached this point, I suddenly felt the unparalleled sacredness of the words of Zhuan Falun. I also realized that cultivation is very serious. If practitioners cannot position their base point correctly, and cannot calm their minds to study Fa and cultivate well, it is very dangerous. It is hard to imagine how one could validate the Fa and offer people salvation.

2. Digging out the hidden desire for fame, benefit and emotions; reflection after my computer broke down twice

After I started to study the Fa in 1998, I thought I had gotten rid of my desires for fame, benefits, and emotions. After the persecution began in 1999, I went to Beijing three times. That same year I was fired from my job and forced to divorce my husband. By that time I was convinced that I could give up anything to defend Teacher’s innocence. On the surface it seemed I had given up everything, but thinking back over these seven years I have never really let go of my attachment to emotions. Many times I stumbled, but Teacher pulled me back up every time.

Recently, my ex-husband and his family found me and asked me to come back home. By that time I had realized that I should not go to extremes anymore. I shouldn’t push them away again, but I had to be on the path that Teacher set for me. Because many people didn’t understand the situation when we separated, they said that Falun Gong practitioners abandon their families. My cultivation then had gone to extremes because of my state of cultivation at that time. So this time, when family members mentioned this, I first clarified the truth to them and told them that a divorce is not what I really wanted. According to the Fa principles, divorce is not an option. The Fa tells practitioners to treat all others well. No matter what we do, we should think of others first. When we encounter a problem we should check ourselves first. We base our conduct on "Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance." That can then help to make the family harmonious and society stable. Our divorce took place because of Jiang’s Communist regime began the persecution. We may remarry, but we should go through the legal process again. My husband said, "You lost your registered permanent residence book as well as your ID card. What should we do? Just come back. Your child has already grown up, and nobody will question our marriage." I said this would not work, because we had gone through the divorce process and were not legally married anymore. If we indulged in married life, it would not be right. Dafa won’t allow that. Dafa is the most righteous. Our practitioners will correct anything incorrect. If I did this, that would mean that I had ruined Dafa's reputation, and I could not call myself a genuine Dafa practitioner.

Although I told them this, I still could not quiet my mind. Then my computer set-up had problems, and I had to set the system up again. After that I realized how badly I let emotions drive me. For example, I always thought about my husband’s goodness during those days. When other practitioners asked me about this, I told them how well he and his family treat me. Sometimes I thought going back home was the right thing to do. It might help me to lead a normal life and clear their misunderstanding of the Fa, to meet more people, and to rescue more people. Now when I think about it I feel really horrible. If I can’t cultivate myself well and indulge in sentimentality, how can I do things right?

If one is a well-cultivated practitioner, she can shed the fear of having any attachments. To get rid of such things without omission is the higher embodiment of the Fa. She is not driven by sentimentality (qing), but she does have mercy. She will have a job and a family. She will use her power of cultivated compassion to change and correct anything around her that is not righteous. She will use her intellect to validate and harmonize the Fa and use her wisdom to clarify the truth and extensively rescue more people.

Not too long ago, my emotions and show-off mentality emerged again. It happened subconsciously because I had gotten a certain satisfaction from doing things for the Fa and rescuing people. When I returned, I bragged to other practitioners about what I had done. As a result the evil used my omission, and my computer broke again. This happened because I neglected to look inside and was unable to cultivate myself well. After this happened I was still clinging to outside reasons. Superficially it seemed to have happened because another practitioner infected my computer with a Trojan virus when he saved files on my computer. But,essentially it was because I had a xinxing problem. Digging deep, I could see my attachment for fame and, even worse, it was seeking fame in Dafa. When sharing what I did with fellow practitioners, instead of validating the Fa, I was validating myself. For just that small achievement, I praised myself and began to feel that I had a good understanding of the Fa and considered myself to be always right. I felt as if everything originated from my contribution, totally forgetting that that wisdom came from the Fa and from Teacher’s grace. When the computer had a problem, I finally began to realize it. I learned a huge lesson. For a long time after that I didn’t want to talk about anything.

I always thought that I did not have any problems with self-interest. I believed I would never care about any advantages I could get, but this also reflected outward in my cultivation. Big advantages I can let pass, but sometimes some small benefit would occupy my mind. When I spend my own money I am always frugal. But when I buy things for work at the truth-clarification materials site and spend other practitioners' money I am extravagant. A lot of paper and other materials are wasted. When some key issue comes up, I still stick up for my own benefit, forgetting that the other practitioners who simplify their diet and daily expenses have saved this money. I was unworthy of the other practitioners' sincerity and trust.

When evil came to disturb me one time when I was still diligent in cultivation, I sent forth righteous thought at least 20 times a day. One night about 2:00 a.m. I was sending forth righteous thoughts when evil came to disturb my thoughts. It said, "You have to cultivate with double effort, otherwise you will not reach Consummation. Cultivation is very difficult." I was disappointed at once and felt dejected, as if I were bumping my head into a wall. I thought I had gone through a lot of hardships already and had given up everything; what else could I do to reach Consummation? At the time, Teacher hinted to me that I should make a clear distinction between good and evil. I realized these thoughts came from the evil in other dimensions, disturbing me. I continued to send forth righteous thoughts to clear the demons away. Although that thought stayed in me for very short time, it still showed that I was bargaining with the Fa. I wanted the Fa to reward me. Because I had this kind of bad thought, the evil came to disturb me.

3. The process of rescuing other practitioners is a process of clarifying the truth and of rescuing people as well as cultivating ourselves

I used to be indifferent on the issue of rescuing the fellow practitioners. In 2005, the police caught one of my practitioner relatives. I went to the police station with this practitioner's son to ask them to release the practitioner. A policeman said the chief had gone to a meeting and was not present. The son said we shouldn’t wait there, that we should go back and make a banner. I agreed with him. By putting up a banner on the street we could clarify the truth to more people.

After we made the banner and went to the street, her two sons said we should hold it. When we unfurled the banner, a lot of people followed us. They asked us what had happened. I began to tell them the truth about the persecution one of my relatives had experienced, that many practitioners were being tortured to death, and about the organ harvesting from living practitioners for profit. A lot of people who knew my relative said that Falun Gong practitioners are very kind. Some people cursed the CCP and head Jiang Zemin. They said this country was sure to collapse. The CCP did all these bad things. A 60-year-old lady with tears in her eyes exclaimed at how painful it was for these two children (of my relative)! Then the two boys took the banner and went to the police station ahead of me. I was clarifying the truth as I walked a distance behind them. When I arrived at the police station, there were many people around. I rushed over and saw these two boys lying on the ground. Then I saw the police chief driving away. I started to clarify the truth to the people who had gathered. I saw that a lot of people were weeping. They told me the police had cruelly beaten these children. They said the police are all monsters and I should sue them. Some told me they would testify for me anytime. When I saw these people’s righteous minds I was moved.

After I returned I looked into myself, trying to find what I had not done well. Why did they beat these children? I discovered later on that that police chief was new at his job. He didn’t know the truth, because our truth-clarification efforts had not been sufficient. Based on this incident I started to write articles to disclose the local evildoers and clarify the truth. A truth clarification flyer was produced immediately. I read it several times and sent it out that night. When I was riding along the road, I was imagining how people might react after they read the truth, and how they might awaken. I also imagined what their family members might think when they heard about the policemen's vices and how people would praise Dafa practitioners and praise Dafa, and so on. Suddenly my bike crashed into a drainage ditch. It went one way and I went another. I became dizzy and found it difficult to get up. Then I saw that the bag filled with the truth clarification materials was in the water. I worried about it and got up immediately to get the bag. Luckily, all the materials were put in a plastic bag, so they didn’t get dirty or wet. But the bike was broken and my legs and arms hurt a little. I realized that what had been playing in my mind caused trouble because I had not yet abandoned the attachments. I was driven by pursuit and emotion and a combative mind. I didn’t have the compassion and grace of a practitioner.

I returned home and met with other practitioners. They were also indignant about the policemen beating the children. Some said we should sue them and serve them with a sentence. When I heard their feelings, I told them what had happened to me and showed them the places where I had gotten hurt. We finally realized that pursuit and being set on a specific outcome is not a good way to rescue other practitioners. Our purpose and base point is to clarify the truth to people. If we do this well, the fellow practitioner will naturally be rescued. Everything we do should leave people with beauty to awaken their consciences, and at the same time we should warn the evildoers with compassion and rationality in order for them to be saved. In the process of rescuing the fellow practitioner, I found many hidden attachments and thus improved myself in the Fa.

4. Walk righteously every step; our every word and action is to save people

Recently, a practitioner from somewhere else was severely abused under the persecution and died in our city. He was released on bail for medical treatment, but by that time he had already been injured by savage torture. Since his family didn’t know much about the truth, the local practitioners were afraid the police would abduct him from his own home again, so they took him to their place. His family members couldn’t understand them and said they would report them to the police. After he died, the practitioners at our place spoke with local practitioners and decided how to arrange the funeral affairs. We discussed this based on the Fa and decided to clarify the truth to his family.

At that point I truly let go of everything about myself. I went with two other practitioners to this practitioner’s hometown. We first communicated with local practitioners. They agreed to send forth righteous thoughts to support us. The next day when we got to practitioner’s home we met with his mother first. When we mentioned her son she became a bit emotional. Speaking with her we found out she had had a heart attack and had high blood pressure. She also had a wrong, preconceived notion about us. What should we do? We not only had to tell her of her son’s death but also had to clarify the truth to her. We worried about her health and were afraid she could not endure what we had to say. This was very hard. The other two practitioners did very well. They were clarifying the truth to her the whole time. They told her how we took care of her son on a daily basis as well as of his health. Finally, we found a proper opportunity and told her the bad news.

She collapsed on the bed immediately after she heard this. One can imagine the scenario. All their family members arrived after that, but we practitioners were very calm. We were sending forth righteous thoughts while answering the questions they asked. They had started talking about suing us when the phone rang. The person who had answered the phone said, "Don’t do that. That is not morally right." All of us understood what was going on, but none of us had been moved. We knew this outcome was the result of our truth clarification and sending righteous thoughts.

As soon as his cousin came back into the room, she pointed to us as she already knew something about us and asked, "What kind of people you are?" She was quite angry and also asked us for the names of local practitioners. We were sending forth righteous thoughts in our minds and tried to influence her by our words and behavior. Then we clarified the truth to her, telling her of the persecution and the CCP's viciousness, and we spoke of the grace of Dafa. Gradually, her attitude turned amiable. We discovered that she is actually a very kind person. She was deluded by the evil CCP's deceitful propaganda. At 4:00 a.m. the family agreed for us to leave and asked us to send the body back to his hometown. We overcame risks and tests that day. If we had done or thought anything not righteous, we might have encountered big problems. Because of our truth clarification, some of the family members agreed to quit the CCP.

That night, two of the family members went with us to arrange bringing the body back. One of them said he had not believed in anything in his whole life. We had heard that he was a member of a local mob, also well-known in the local area. We continued to clarify the truth in our car. Since it was a long ride, we had enough time to explain everything clearly. Finally he said that when he had first met us he felt what we said to be very honest and understandable. He said he didn’t know there were kind people like us in this world. He said he wanted to read Zhuan Falun. When we got back to our city that night, six or seven practitioners came out to help. Everything the fellow practitioners did for them was kept in their minds.

A while later I took a copy of Zhuan Falun and the exercise video and went there again. By that time the relative of the deceased mentioned above was eating in a restaurant. When he saw us, he came to shake our hands, saying, "Falun Dafa is good! Zhen Shan Ren is good!" I was touched. We returned to the deceased practitioner's home. When his family members heard I had arrived, they also came over. They asked me some questions. I answered them one by one. His mother-in-law eventually pointed to him (the relative who had gone with us) and told me how he had told everyone about his experience of going with us the last time. He had told her, "The people who practice Falun Gong are all very kind people. The are all selfless. Where can one find such good people?" She also said, "You influenced him and changed him. That is not easy! We appreciate you." Then I took out the copy of Zhuan Falun and the practice video and gave them to him.

He handed the book and videotape to his mother-in-law with both hands and said, "I had some alcohol today. It is disrespectful to the Dafa book. Please, take it home for me and I will definitely study it and start cultivation." I saw the purity of his mind. The lady who originally planned to sue us told me, "Now I understand everything! You are magnificent and we are insignificant."

This time everyone I had met decided to quit the CCP. They could not thank me enough! I could feel their respect for Dafa disciples. It came from deep within their hearts. This is a demonstration of Dafa's power and grand virtue.

One time on my way to a practitioner’s home I took the wrong train. When I was waiting at another station a lady sitting beside me asked where I was going. I told her about my mistake. She said things were not as easy being away from home. She suggested that I ride back with her and stay at her home for the night. It would be much easier to get a ticket the next day. I felt she was such a kind lady. On the train it turned out our seats were next to each other. I realized that my taking the wrong train was actually arranged to fulfill this predestined relationship. I started clarifying the truth to her. To my surprise she was angry and terrified and said words of disrespect toward Dafa. It seemed like she was about to turn me in right there on the train. She had burned all the truth-clarification materials that practitioners had given her and had never looked at one. I saw how dangerous her situation was. I was determined to break through my human notions and open my heart to sentient beings. Much interference was eliminated during this trip. Twice she tried to get off but was unable to. I followed her all the way to her home. She took me to her twin sister’s place. Her sister was very ill and had not been able to eat anything for several days in a row. I stayed with them for the night, told them about the truth of Dafa and about the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. I used my words and actions to validate Dafa. In the end they realized Dafa practitioners are all people of high moral values. They were pleased to make their withdrawals from the CCP.

The next morning, as I was further clarifying the truth, her sister who was previously lying in bed suddenly sat up and said, "I feel well now. My body is so light and comfortable. You are unbelievable!" I told her, "This was Dafa’s power. It is my Master who is caring for you. Dafa is to save sentient beings." She asked me immediately for a copy of Zhuan Falun. I sent it to them, together with some CDs and the Nine Commentaries.

5. Breaking through human notions and utilizing a divine being's righteous thoughts

Fa rectification is approaching the end. Many practitioners, including myself, have tried repeatedly to shed our strong human notions by studying the Fa. However, to this day, many notions still remain and they are stumbling blocks to saving sentient beings. Before I joined the truth material distribution site I would bring the truth-clarification materials with me to the police station chief after the local police had arrested Dafa disciples. I would clarify the truth to them with all my compassion. Eventually the police chief said there was no hope in working for the CCP and left the police station.

However, after I had been with the truth material production site for a while, I found myself less open and less direct than before and that I lacked righteous thoughts when doing truth clarification. Later on I realized human notions were tying me down. I felt I should take extra precautions while working there and should not bring trouble to Dafa work. I would think twice before clarifying the truth to people I met, but the concept of "thinking twice" had many human notions attached and could therefore not have the effect of saving people. Trapped by this human thought, I had much hesitation in rescuing a family member who was also a practitioner. Certain practitioners told me not to go, because the police all knew about me, and that I should place Dafa things first and avoid bringing damage to the group. I had similar human notions and the attachment to fear. I experienced some numbness about rescuing my family member. After studying the Fa and breaking through this human barrier, I found that Master had arranged everything. When I finally went to the station I encountered just the right officers and did not meet up with any I shouldn’t have.

What we are doing is most righteous. Master is always by our side to give hints and to remind and protect us. I truly realized the deeper meaning of Master's words:

I have heard many practitioners, including myself, speak of the dangers of working at a truth-clarification material site or of tapping into local cable system to broadcast truth-clarification programs, etc., and of how the evil will stare at you and not miss a beat to take advantage of your gaps in cultivation. Unlike handing out flyers, if you are arrested at a truth-clarification material site, you will for sure be sentenced to prison and it will be very difficult to make a breakthrough. This kind of reasoning actually showed that we had not positioned ourselves correctly. We had accepted arrangements from the old forces and treated the persecution as one launched by one group of ordinary people to suppress another group of ordinary people.

A certain practitioner in our area had been working for a truth clarifying website. The evildoers singled her out as an important target. Because of an omission in her cultivation, the website was destroyed and she was sentenced to more than ten years in prison. However, this practitioner kept her righteous mind and actions and negated the old forces' arrangements. She clarified the truth to whomever she met. On the day she was supposed to be sent to prison, she told the police that they would not succeed, and even if they did send her there she would soon be sent back. It turned out that the prison refused to accept her, no matter how hard the policemen tried, and she had to be transported back to the detention center. The local police station head was afraid to release her. He said if she was freed, he would have to go to prison. In the end, with Master’s help and rescue efforts from both Chinese and overseas practitioners as well as her own family members—and of course her own righteous thoughts—she was set free in a short time and returned to assist with Fa rectification.

There are several practitioners like her in our area. Agents from the police department had arrested some and claimed to have caught some important figures; bragged to have much evidence and tried to subject them to severe persecution. Practitioners’ righteous thoughts eliminated the evil elements in other dimensions! By positioning themselves correctly they were also rescuing these sentient beings. They clarified the truth to the policemen. Some of the police decided to withdraw from the CCP; others became afraid of facing the consequences for their evil actions. In the end, all of these practitioners were released.

Nevertheless, I’ve also seen other kinds of practitioners. When we first started to sue Jiang Zemin, about 70 or 80 practitioners in one area wrote their statements. The group effort was the best that time; but one fear-driven practitioner did not write his statement. He did not interact with practitioners much, thinking it was not safe. After a while the two big political meetings were to be held, and the police started to search for practitioners door-to-door. He was arrested because Dafa books were found in his home. Of course I’m not saying the practitioner did not cultivate well; it may have been a result of his cultivation status. I’m just emphasizing not to look at things with human mindsets.

6. Forming an indestructible body with everyone being a coordinator

Many things have happened around us over the past year. Among those cultivators who validated Dafa with us for the past several years, some were persecuted to death, some were unlawfully sentenced or sent to labor camps, and some left us and their whereabouts are unknown. Every time I think about them, familiar faces appear before my eyes and I feel sorrow and regret. Why have all of these things happened? Searching within myself first, I felt it was because we were not clear on Fa principles. Many attachments still remained and we could not raise our xinxing level; we have slacked off.

Persecution of practitioners still happens occasionally, even now, but many practitioners are able to understand things better from the standpoint of the Fa. We have strengthened our thoughts regarding forming a unified body. Everyone around us is able to treat him or herself as a coordinator and voluntarily take charge of what needs to be done. We try to be responsible for fellow cultivators and for the Fa.

I cannot hold back my tears when thinking of Master. I still remember the concluding statement of my first experience sharing paper, "Looking back at the path I’ve taken in the past four years to assist with Fa rectification, I do not know how many tears had fallen—tears of pain, of joy, and of sadness. But all of these things have become things of the past. Now I only shed tears for Master and sentient beings when I regret not doing well in cultivation."

Looking back now, this has also become part of the past. Starting today, I only want to see warm smiles from Master and from sentient beings.