(Clearwisdom.net) I had pain in my legs for many months and it only recently improved. I was sure that I had omissions of which the evil forces took advantage. For quite a while, I could not even double-cross my legs for the sitting meditation. I studied the Fa, sent forth righteous thoughts, and helped people to quit the Chinese Communist Party. I even thought that I did more than other practitioners around me, so why did this happen to me?
I realized that I covered up my attachment by studying the Fa and doing my share of Dafa work. I believed that I should have upgraded myself accordingly because I studied the Fa every day and clarified the truth to sentient beings. This "cause and effect" notion concealed the true essence of cultivation. On the second page of Zhuan Falun, Master states, "...the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments." I studied the Fa and made truth-clarification materials every day. At times I clarified the truth on the Internet until midnight, but when I went to bed, I had all kinds of desires and fantasies, and sometimes I even did something unmentionable.
Even though I knew that a cultivator should not have desires like ordinary people do, I could not help fantasizing. Sometimes, I thought that I had already studied and clarified the truth enough, and I should just relax. Occasionally, I worried about whether I had upgraded myself or not. Of course, that was all selfishness. I should have taken Dafa work as a Dafa disciple's responsibility, but I used it as a bargaining tool. As long as I studied the Fa, I was raising my xinxing level, and as long as I clarified the truth and saved sentient beings, I was upgrading myself. I took those steps as the contents of my cultivation and forgot its essence. This also explains my shallow understanding of the Fa principles. Have I carried out what Teacher said in "Solid Cultivation" in Hong Yin?
"Let each and every thing
be measured against the Fa."
Why am I able to realize that it is my attachment but yet am not able to eliminate it?
Before July 20, 1999, I felt that I eliminiated a lot of my desires, and I did not know why a few years later, I became far less diligent and forgot to cherish my precious time. In "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be," Teacher said,
"And yet a small number of students-veteran students, even-have to differing degrees exhibited a despondent state and slackened in their resolve to be diligent. They haven't realized that this is an attachment to the duration of Fa-rectification, or is caused by interference from incorrect, acquired notions, which results in their gaps being exploited by interfering factors that the old forces left behind early on in the surface of the human dimension, wicked specters, or rotten demons-things that have magnified and strengthened those attachments and human notions-all of which has brought about this despondent state."
The old forces are watching every move and every thought of Dafa disciples, and magnify all our attachments. If we focus on losses and gains, comfort, and dealing with our problems with ordinary notions, we are falling right into their traps.
Why would human beings be possessed by animal spirits? In Zhuan Falun ("Lecture Three") Master says,
"There is a principle in our universe that normally other people cannot interfere with whatever one pursues and wants for oneself. The animal takes advantage of this loophole, 'If he wants something, I’ll supply him. It isn’t wrong for me to help him, is it?' The animal will give it to him. Initially, the animal does not dare to possess him, and it will first give him some energy to try out. One day, the person will suddenly find himself with the energy that he has been seeking, and he can also heal illnesses. Upon seeing that it works, the animal will use it like a musical prelude, 'Since he wants it, I’ll attach to his body. That way I can give him more things and do it easily.'"
The evil sees our attachments, and takes advantage of our loopholes. It then strengthens our human notions. If we fail to measure our notions and the methods to solve our problems with the Fa, then in reality we consent to the arrangements of the old forces. Thus the evil would remain in our environment and interfere with us as if we were processed by an animal spirit.
At a certain point, my mind was controlled by the evil. After I finished producing truth-clarification materials, I would look at ordinary people's websites, and sometimes even looked at pornography. Afterwards, I felt remorseful that my cultivation was so poor, and found various excuses to forgive myself. As I stated in the beginning of this article, I used the responsibilities and Fa-study to forgive myself.
What should I do? I could not continue to be in this despondent state. The old forces not only magnified my attachment to desires but also added more pain to my knee joints. For a while I even experienced difficulty when walking to work, and many people asked me what the problem was. I was too embarrassed and also afraid that I would bring shame to Dafa. I was alarmed and knew that I had to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the old forces, but my righteous thoughts seemed to be quite weak and not effective at all. It is so true that when I did not cultivate within the Fa, I would not have strong energy. Master said, "One's gong level is as high as one's xinxing level, and this is an absolute truth."("Lecture One" from Zhuan Falun). One cannot find the real cause if one just gets rid of interference for the sake of getting rid of it. We must solidly assimilate to the Dafa principles-- Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance-- then we can have the supernormal capabilities from Dafa, and then we can eliminate the evil forces effectively. If we truly assimilate to Dafa, then our bodies will change accordingly, and we will have the energy to eliminate the evil forces. Sending forth righteous thoughts and the actions of a real cultivator will then be effective.
I know that I have nurtured the evil forces for too long. All cultivators have strong energy, but when we continuously follow our human notions and attachments to settle our affairs, we are actually providing the evil forces with energy. When we act and think according to our acquired notions, we can create an evil being in our imagination. The life of an ordinary person is controlled by the evil forces and therefore accrues karma, whereas cultivators should know the principles of the Fa, and see through the delusion of the secular world from a higher level. We can continuously eliminate unrighteous thoughts and thus purify ourselves.
I started to restrain my thoughts and actions intentionally, and used the Fa to measure my every thought. I wanted to know whether it measured up to the requirements of the Fa or what Teacher said. At night, I fell asleep while reciting the Fa or listening to Dafa music. I noticed that my desires were getting weaker and weaker, and realized how wonderful it was having an innocent heart, and how sad and miserable it is having my attachments. The pain in my legs was getting better, and I could double-cross my legs again. I knew then that I had regained myself.
Now I know that our righteous thoughts come from firmly believing in Teacher and the Fa. Firmly believing in Teacher and the Fa is also the key issue to whether we can step into the future. We are the lives from the old universe, and its essence is selfishness. If we don't follow Teacher's requests or the requirements of the Fa it means that we do not believe in Teacher wholeheartedly and we are truly being disrespectful to Dafa. As a result, we are following the arrangements of the old forces and the pattern of the old universe.
With an opportunity that comes only once in ten thousand years, are we truly following Teacher's every word and diligently applying it to our daily lives? When we really understand this rare opportunity, we should believe in Teacher without any doubt, and respect our new lives coming from Dafa. We should have righteous thoughts that are invincible, and walk back home solid like a rock. We shoulder the responsibilities of validating Dafa and saving sentient beings like real Dafa disciples, and should never let Teacher and the countless sentient beings down.
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