(Clearwisdom.net) I am one of those practitioners who cannot see or feel anything in their cultivation. However, I just believe in Master and the Fa, and my cultivation progresses from understanding the Fa. Whether I am a wise person or not, I just follow the path of "When a wise person hears the Tao, this person will practice it diligently" on my cultivation journey.
My feelings are so mixed today when I think of what I have gone through and conquered on this journey of cultivation. In the past, I had various kinds of diseases, and I learned some qigong. My health problems did not get any better, but got worse and worse. It was really a hard time for me. In February 1998, I was fortunate enough to start practicing Falun Dafa. At that time, my true self knew that I had obtained a priceless treasure, one that I had been looking for for many years. I eagerly read through Zhuan Falun in three days. I was in tears as I read. Then I read the rest of the Dafa books. I realized that this was the law of the universe. I began cultivating diligently and my diseases quickly disappeared. I became healthy and energetic. Each morning I carried a tape player to the exercise site and practiced with others. I was a happy cultivator in this pure land.
Starting on July 20, 1999, the Party began persecuting Falun Gong. We no longer had a peaceful cultivation environment. Pressure came from all directions. My family members first said, "You can turn in two books, making a gesture, and can keep the rest of the Dafa books." "No, I will not turn in a single book," I firmly replied. It was Dafa that saved me and let me escape from a bitter environment. These books are more precious than my life. I hid the books in a safe place. Then I prepared a few changes of clothes, anticipating the worst. If the authorities came to search my house, I could go with them but they would not get the books. Perhaps my determination to protect the Dafa books at any cost made a difference; they did not search my house and I studied the Fa and did the exercises as usual.
In 2000, during the Chinese New Year holidays, I went to Beijing to appeal and was illegally detained for a month. On the second day in the detention center, two police officers came to interrogate me. I felt I was a good citizen who practiced "Truth-Compassion-Forbearance" and had not done anything wrong, so I decided not to cooperate with them, regardless of the kinds of tricks they tried to play. I also recited Master's poem "Benevolent Might" from Hong Yin:
"Dafa is what you carry everywhere,
Zhen Shan Ren, rooted in the mind;
A great Arhat walks the earth,
Gods and demons fear with awe." (verified)
I was taken aside, and they explained their purpose. I just replied, "I refuse to answer." "OK, you may leave now," they said. After I came back to my cell, I thought of Master and felt the mighty power of Dafa helping me get through this test. Tears came to my eyes.
After 15 days of illegal detention, the 610 Office people came to ask me if I would continue to practice. I said, "Definitely! It is such a wonderful practice, I will stick to it to the end." Then they asked me to turn in my Dafa books. I said, "I will not give them to you even if you want my head." Thus they extended my detention by 15 more days.
After I was released, they often came to my home to disturb me. Friends and relatives tried to persuade me to lie to them, saying that I had quit the practice, and that I could then continue practicing quietly and nobody would know about it. I explained to them that I could not tell lies and that Master has taught us to speak the truth, behave truthfully, be a true person and, finally, to return to one's true self. "This is a wonderful practice, I want to cultivate openly with nobody influencing me."
At that time, some people influenced by CCP propaganda criticized us, saying, "Falun Gong practitioners disregard their families and are selfish." We could only kindly explain to them, "If the persecution of Falun Gong did not happen, who would go to Beijing to appeal and who would bother to clarify the facts? They detain us, causing misfortune to our families and relatives, and then put the blame on us. Isn't this a robber's logic?" My family also tried to persuade me to quit the practice to avoid facing such a cruel persecution. They suggested that I play Mahjong or trade stocks, where nobody would interfere. I felt sad when I heard this. I remember the older generation used to view the worst kind of people as having the following habits: "Eating, drinking, prostitution and gambling." You want me to play Mahjong, isn't that gambling? You want me to behave like a bad person, I will not do it!
Right after the beginning of 2001, the 610 Office people gathered eight practitioners that had appealed in Beijing to attend a brainwashing session. For the retirees, each had to make a deposit of 2000 yuan. After a few days, they told us to a write a report or make a verbal statement. Two young practitioners said, "Falun Dafa is good!" They were sent to a forced labor camp the next day. I wrote two sentences: "Falun Dafa is the law of the universe. To cherish Dafa is to cherish my life." They got mad when they read that, saying, "After a few days' brainwashing, you've become more stubborn." I just smiled. To be honest, there was a little fear in my mind. I was afraid that if they sent me to the labor camp, how could I study the Fa, do the exercises, and clarify the facts?
Another vicious person came to my home on the evening of the same day. He showed me "guarantee statements" from two "reformed" practitioners in the brainwashing center, saying that they had handed in their books and that I should follow them instead of writing such bold statements. They showed my written statement to my husband. My husband became desperate and pleaded with them, trying to get the paper back. The man said, "I shall turn it in to my superiors." "Go ahead, I've only spoken the truth and nobody can change me," I replied. The person continued to threaten me, "If you keep behaving like this, I'll send you to a brainwashing center. If that still does not work, we'll send you to jail. Do you still want to resist?" I answered, "I have been in jail. I am not even afraid of death. Your threats are nothing to me." Then I tried to clarify the facts to save him, but he was still controlled by the evil elements in other dimensions and spoke disrespectfully about Dafa. My husband also cooperated with him, asking me to stop the practice. Finally he ran out of ideas and left my home in frustration.
The next day, I remembered Master's teaching:
"What did you go there for? By going there to listen, didn't you want to seek something? If you did not listen with your ears, how could it get into your body?" ("Lecture Six" in Zhuan Falun)
I realized that I should not listen any more to their ridiculous reasonings and that I should not let them send me to the labor camp. I needed to study the Fa, do the exercises, and clarify the facts. The next morning, I left home. My mind was empty, I did not have any destination in mind, and did not know where to go. Later, without thinking, I stepped on a bus that went to the home of one of my relatives.
The news of my departure was like a bomb explosion. The authorities immediately divided into five groups, running to bus and train stations looking for me. They did not find me and sent two people to Beijing. They even threatened to make my husband pay for their airline tickets. I stayed at my relative's home for two months. Although I had contacted local practitioners, it was not as good as staying at home to validate the Fa and clarify the facts. I just felt that it was not right to stay there. I finally decided to return home.
After I got home, the 610 Office people came over. They wanted an explanation and threatened to send me to a brainwashing center. It was a difficult time for me. First, they wanted me to sign a guarantee statement, which I firmly refused to do. Then they asked the Party secretary of the retirement office and others to visit my home. They entered my home, and the secretary took out a pen and a notebook to take notes. I said, "I am not a criminal. If you came here to interrogate me, you may leave now." The secretary quickly put away his pen and notebook. Then I started to clarify the facts to them. I talked about physical fitness, mental purification, and the improvement of morality. "Dafa is so wonderful that everyone can benefit from it." Four of them plus my husband reasoned with me, but they were all defeated. They did not reach their goal and had to leave. The Party secretary said, "I'll come back later." "Do not waste your time. I will cultivate to the end and nobody can stop me," I said.
They did not show up again. The "retirement office" saw that I refused to be "reformed" and they threatened to withhold my pension and kick me out of their organization. The only thing in my mind at that time was: "Nothing in the world is important to me, I only need Dafa." My husband could not bear the pressure from all sides and said to me, "If you continue to be like this, I will not take it anymore, and we should ..." He stopped, looking sad. I knew he was talking about "divorce." I understood him, as he was just an everyday person. An everyday person's mentality is different from ours. He was pursuing happiness but we were suffering, so he could not take it anymore. This sentimentality of husband and wife could not affect my determination. I just calmed him down.
My son spoke to me in tears, "Mama, I beg you not to practice anymore. If you continue and are arrested, who will take care of me?" I became a little emotional with my son. However, I thought of Master's Fa and quickly calmed down. Then the telephone rang. I asked my son to pick up the phone. He was crying and said, "I will do it only if you quit the practice." I felt I should explain to him. I told him that Dafa had healed my health problems and that he himself had witnessed everything. I did all the housework and no longer needed them to take care of me, so they could concentrate on their work, etc. Finally I said, "My son, in the near future you will feel proud of having a mother like me." The telephone rang again, and my son picked it up. From then on, he never disturbed me again. Master's teaching enabled me to pass another test of sentimentality.
In "Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference," Master said:
"To walk this path well and progress to its end--nothing is more extraordinary. I say that because during the journey you will have hardships, tests of every sort, unforeseen ordeals, and you will have unexpected interference from all kinds of attachments and emotion. The interference will come from family, society, good friends, and even fellow cultivators. And along with this there is interference from changes in the state of human society and from human notions that were formed in society. All of those things can drag you back to being like an ordinary person. But if you can break through all of it, you can advance towards godhood. So as a cultivator, what is truly remarkable is when you can be steadfast and have righteous thoughts so firm that nothing can sway you."
After reading this paragraph, I was more clear on how to take each step correctly, how to face each test and tribulation, how to study the Fa well, how to do the three things well, and how to be diligent and save sentient beings on my cultivation journey.
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