(Clearwisdom.net) I'm a Dafa practitioner who lives in the countryside. I was very actively involved in persuading people to withdraw from the CCP. I talked about that to almost everybody I met. Every day, there were four to five people that I talked to who withdrew from the CCP. I was able to send forth righteous thoughts during the four set times every day. I often shared experiences with practitioners and helped more fellow practitioners to step forward to validate the Fa. Because I put the Fa in the foremost position, I had sufficient time to study the Fa and everything went very smoothly for me.
Recently, due to my human desires and wanting to have things in an easy way, I was slacking on the three things Master asks us to do. When I finally realized it, I had wasted some very precious time. I would like to share my experience here to alarm fellow practitioners who have similar experiences so we don't have regrets and are able to advance quickly.
Recently, when it was time for me to study the Fa, I often listened to the lectures on my MP3 player. I stopped reading all other Dafa books except Master's new lectures. I didn't correctly balance the relationship between studying the Fa and my daily life. Sometimes, I was planning to study the Fa after I was done with my chores. But it ended up that I would not finish with my chores nor start studying the Fa. I wasted quite a lot of time. No matter whether it was daytime or night time, I felt sleepy as soon as I started reading Dafa books. I started thinking: How many hours did I sleep last night? Did I take a nap at noon? I thought my mind would become clearer after rest. I slacked off in sending forth righteous thoughts and didn't realize that this was interference from karma and the demon of sleep. When I lay down, I went to sleep right away and sometimes even slept for two to three hours. The more I slept, the more I wanted to sleep. When I woke up, I felt very upset with myself.
I was also slacking off in practicing the exercises and clarifying the truth. Or when I did some things for validating the Fa, it would be self comforting and for the self-importance of feeling like I clarified the truth, persuaded many people to withdraw from the CCP and did the three things. I felt I had been following the Fa. So I started slacking off, and without noticing, I went on the path the old forces arranged. The thought karma and different desires all started affecting me. I even walked back into the human dye vat. My righteous thoughts became weaker and weaker. Sometimes I couldn't even control myself. My attachments to fame and money, jealousy, the mentality of showing off, and competitive mentality all came out. It was very dangerous now that I recall everything.
Master gave me hints several times. And I still didn't get it. I listened to my MP3 every day. While I was doing the work in the field, I was chatting with others. I took care of cows and planted vegetables. I should have had enough time to study the Fa. But I didn't put the Fa in the foremost place. I was just going through the motions when I sent forth righteous thoughts. Although I still continued to send forth righteous thoughts at the four set times every day. Every time, however, I couldn't even erect my palm. Sometimes I even fell asleep. After the time was over, I woke up. I've been very busy every day with my work. I didn't have enough impact any more when clarifying the truth.
Once, it was raining. All of a sudden, my house started leaking. I thought I must have some issues with my Xinxing. So I started studying the Fa with a calm mind and looking for loopholes. After I found my shortcomings, when it rained again, the house no longer leaked. But I still wasn't able to break through the interference. I kept listening to my MP3. As I was listening, all of a sudden, it was playing one sentence over and over again: "Think about it, these people are so busy every day that they can't cultivate any more... think about it, these people are so busy every day that they can't cultivate any more."
I knew it was Master trying to give me hints. But I still couldn't start being diligent again. A while later, one day, my wife (also a practitioner) and I were milking the cows. Right before we started, we found out that the milk had leaked out and it was all on the ground. My wife said, "I told you to milk them earlier and you didn't do it. See, now it's all gone."
The second day, we went to the barn early in the morning. There was still no milk. My wife didn't have any excuses to place on me this time. When I shared this with a fellow practitioner, he immediately said to me, "Seize your opportunity now! What you are getting is trash. What you are losing is the white substance. Don't you feel regret?" Because I listened to my MP3 every day, unknowingly, I even had the thought of giving up on cultivation. Fortunately our benevolent Master gave me hints again; when I was listening to the MP3, it stopped at one sentence again, "Turn your head back now... turn your head back now..."
One day, it was very cloudy. It was supposed to be a day to study the Fa at home because even many non-practitioners wouldn't go to work on the farm that day. But unknowingly, my karma found some work for me and didn't let me study the Fa. I couldn't help but getting the hoe and walking to the farm. It started raining right when I got there. So I walked back home and studied the Fa for a little while. But I couldn't calm down. I then planned to drive the truck to get the dirt out. But when I drove out of the village, I found that I forgot to get the shovel. So I returned to get the shovel and put the dirt in the truck. Then on my way home, I lost my shovel. The work should have taken at most one hour. But I wasted almost half a day.
I wrote this article over three months ago because I didn't feel I cultivated well enough and felt ashamed and I didn't feel I had any good experiences to share with fellow practitioners. But through discussions with practitioners and calmly studying the Fa, I followed what Master said:
"Pause for a moment of self-reflection,
and increase your righteous thoughts
Thoroughly analyze your shortcomings,
and progress with renewed diligence" ("Rational and Awake" in Hong Yin II)
I finally was able to break through the tribulations and finish this article. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
I would also like to remind fellow practitioners to let go of human notions and finish whatever truth clarification work you didn't finish. Let's all share our cultivation experience and learn our lessons so we can advance together.
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