(Clearwisdom.net) Several days ago, I heard some things from fellow practitioners. They said that someone who claims to be practitioner was looking for practitioners who started practicing Falun Gong during the first ten years, has strong righteous thoughts and is capable of breaking through difficulties, saying that they wanted to do some "important project." It was said that this person's mental state was not quite right, and this person said and did many things that did not conform to the principles of Dafa. Moreover, this person had already made several practitioners (who were not diligent) follow him. I have been giving some thoughts to this based on my personal experience. I have put these thoughts in writing so that fellow practitioners can comment on and correct anything that is not based on the Fa.
I have been staggering along the path of cultivation for eight years, and my husband has been continuously giving me hardship. I tolerated the hardship with tears in my eyes for years, but I have not been able to break through this barrier. Even though I had been persistently doing the three things, I often felt exhausted. One day last Fall, my husband found an excuse and scolded me again with curse words. At that moment, I felt that some thing was blocking something in my chest, and for several days after that, I sighed deep breaths even in my dreams. I kept asking in my mind, "Why is this happening?"
Since I started practicing Falun Gong, my husband's temperament kept getting worse and he did not want to take any responsibility for the family. When he brought home his very limited salary, he sometimes haggled with me about his supporting the family. Because it was he who brought home Zhuan Falun for me at the beginning, I have been thankful to him in my mind. I did the housework which he did not want to do; all the housework was loaded on me. I even had to build brick walls for the restroom. Over time I helplessly got used to the situation and maintained a kind of superficial peace with him, but in my mind I felt grief and bitterness. I have been looking for the root cause of the situation. At times I understood that it was persecution by the old forces. I sent forth righteous thoughts, but I did not see the effect. I later realized that when I was sending forth righteous thoughts, I actually did so from a selfish point of view. I was trying to change my situation; I was not benevolent deep in my mind. I was feeling grief and resentment towards my husband, who I felt was being manipulated by evil forces to persecute me.
When I felt bitterness in my mind I would recite the Fa,
"A wicked person is born of jealousy.
Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.
A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.
With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.
An enlightened person has no attachments at all.
He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions."("Realms" in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I recited it over and over again. I suddenly came to realize that my feeling of "grievance" is my complaining about unfairness towards myself, and it comes from jealousy. The more I felt grief, the more the evil forces would use him to cause me pain. I would then feel even more grief, and my jealous mentality would then be more enhanced. This was putting my husband in a dangerous position because of the karma he created when he was used by the evil elements to persecute Dafa practitioners. The one who should truly feel grief is him! We all came for the Fa, and this predestined opportunity in thousands of years is for all of us. I will not let his chance of being saved be ruined by my attachments.
I immediately sat cross-legged and raised my hand. I asked for Master's strength and to discard my jealous mentality. At that moment, I felt that my body was light and clear. Tears ran down my face from my feeling sorry toward my husband and sorry for my not diligently following Master's teaching. Tears also came from the joyful feeling of being in the Fa.
Since then, my husband changed into a totally new person, and our small family has been filled with peace and harmony. This is something that could not have been achieved by ordinary means.
I calmed my mind and asked myself, "Since I started practicing Falun Gong in 1999, I have continued to demand of myself that I be 'diligent.' I would skip meals to do Dafa work, and I would help fellow practitioners. In daily life I have tried my best to do well so that people would have a correct understanding towards Dafa. But why did I often feel tired, and why did I feel grief? Why didn't I know that I had a jealous mentality, and where my problem lied?"
I came to realize that I was still fundamentally attached to being an ordinary person, and I was manipulated by the ordinary mentality. An ordinary person is always led by ordinary human notions and always influenced by qing because all of that is arranged for ordinary people.
Having an attachment to being an ordinary person, one would judge things with an ordinary mentality because his mind is among ordinary people.
If one has no desire to pursue anything in the human world, would he still be attached to "fame, profit and sentiments?" Master once taught us that the attachments to fame and profit are the most difficult ones to discard. We should pay attention at all times. I remember that I once submitted an article to the Minghui website. After I finished writing it, I tried to figure out a nickname as the author. I thought for two days, but I still could not make up my mind. In the evening I watched the a DVD with my family in which Guan Guimin sang "Truthfulness-Benevolence-Tolerance." The name of the soloist listed in the credits was "a Dafa disciple." Mr. Guan Guimin, who is famous among people, chose "Dafa disciple" as the name of the soloist instead of his name. However, I, a farm woman, spent two days trying to choose a nickname for myself as the author; I was really attached to myself. I saw where I fell short from my fellow practitioner.
Because my mind was among ordinary people, the mentality of doing things, being meddlesome and doing big things often interfered with my conduct, but I was not aware of it. This resulted in my being sent to a forced labor camp for one year in the Fall of 2001. During the period of the forced labor, I often had dreamed of going out with fellow practitioners to distribute fliers and to post truth-clarification materials about Falun Gong. During the daytime, I talked to the detained fellow practitioners about "the big accomplishment" in my dream. I was also absorbed in the satisfaction of doing things without waking up. I did not realize that Master was giving me a hint so that I could let go of my attachment of doing things. I should have sent forth righteous thoughts to deny the imprisonment and get out of the forced labor camp to save people. After one year detention, I was sent to a brainwashing center for more persecution.
At that time, my cultivation of letting go of the ordinary mentality had not been long, and I was not mature in cultivation. I did not look deep inside for a reason and I was interfered with by sentiment. It was Winter when I returned home, and there was almost nothing to eat and nothing to cook or use to warm up the room. My husband was in no mood to get along and was gloomy. The day when I got home, I cleaned the two rooms and gathered two full baskets of dust. All kinds of feelings came to my mind: "I did not cultivate well, and my home was like a temple a thousand years old, with dust everywhere. My ten-year-old daughter's eyes often showed the feeling of loneliness and sorrow; the look she had when she encouraged me outside the labor camp visiting room window disappeared. Outside the window of the visiting room she told me, "Mama, send more righteous thoughts, eat more and take it easy on work. Don't forget about Master." As her mother and fellow practitioner, I was bleeding in my heart and I was ashamed for not being worthy of Master's salvation. Now I finally realized that it was my fundamental attachment to ordinary human life that was haunting me. If I had found this fundamental attachment and discarded it at an earlier time, I would not have created more difficulties for Master and would not have created the barriers for my young fellow practitioner's cultivation and for my own cultivation."
Such lessons should wake us up, and by becoming truly mature, we can reduce our losses and reduce what Master endures for us. If we do not have the fundamental attachment to ordinary human life, then fame, profit and sentiment will have no effect on us. If we let go of ordinary people's mentality, sentiments will not be able to control us. Without the mind for personal interest and profit, we will not worry or be suspicious and jealous of others, and we will fear nothing. If we do not have the mentality of pursuing fame hidden deeply in our minds, what reason would we have to often think about doing "something big," for what reason would we take other people as idols and rely on them, and for what reason would we develop zealotry?
In Luyuan District, Changchun City, one after another fellow practitioners was arrested. If we could make judgments based on the Fa at all times, there probably would not be so many practitioners in the Changchun area being arrested this Spring. I am not accusing anyone here. I am saying that our minds should not be confused by "fame, profit and sentiments."
Walking on the path of helping Master during Fa-rectification, we have learned many lessons. Let's walk out of an ordinary mentality, give up selfishness and follow the Fa at all times. We will then be free from interference. Fellow practitioners who are doing coordination work should be especially careful about not sliding into the situation of doing things for fame and personal gain. About this point, I had personal experience and serious lessons. A coordinator has contact with many fellow practitioners and deals with many things. If he felt that he had a better understanding about the principles of the Fa, he might feel that he was better than others. If someone flattered him by saying, "You are really good," he might not say anything but he might feel good in his mind! If he did not wake up, more and more people would come to flatter him and come to ask for "help" from him. Actually, the person being flattered and the person doing the flattering are already half way out into thin air, as Master mentioned in "Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference."
Helping Master during the Fa-rectification and saving lives is the biggest thing we should do, and we must put our mind on saving lives. My personal understanding regarding helping Master during the Fa-rectification and saving lives is that some things can be more urgent than others, but it is not to say that some things are greater and some other things are smaller. Regardless of how we learned about it, as long as it is something a Dafa practitioner should do, we should do our best to harmonize with it and make it better. Dafa is harmonious. With our minds on the Fa, Dafa practitioners at different levels can all give a full play of their energy, and we, as a whole, are then an indestructible particle. A fellow practitioner's saying is very good--that our Master is doing the Fa-rectification and we are cultivating. Master's Fa-rectification will succeed! All the trouble has resulted from the impure elements that contradict the Fa. Only by eliminating the interference from ordinary mentalities can we do well what a Dafa practitioner of the Fa-rectification period should do.
August 1, 2007
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