(Clearwisdom.net) When I previously saw Minghui/Clearwisdom articles in which Dafa practitioners discussed how to eliminate their fundamental attachments, I also tried to search for my own fundamental attachments. I felt that I had none, because when I initially obtained the Fa, I just wanted to cultivate and return to my true self, and I was not after ordinary people's pursuits. So I felt that I did not have problems in this regard, and thus stopped thinking about the issue. However, I often felt puzzled because my cultivation state is drastically different from its state before the persecution started on July 20, 1999.
I am a woman, almost 40 years old, and I have cultivated in Dafa for ten years. After the persecution started, I was illegally detained for three years. After I determinedly came out of detention in 2002, I learned how to use a computer and worked in a large truth-clarification materials production site. Later we dismantled this large truth-clarification materials site. I then set up a materials site in my own home and worked together with several practitioners near me. I prepared truth-clarification materials, clarified the truth, spread the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, and persuaded people to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its related organizations. I kept doing the three things and seemed to have closely followed the progress of Master's Fa rectification, and be able to "Follow Teacher closely, steadfastly cultivating Dafa." ("The Knowing Heart" from Essentials for Further Advancement II) However, I often felt that my cultivation state was quite different from what I had known before the persecution. That is, I no longer had the state of being able to cultivate myself diligently. However, I did not know why I just could not change this sluggish cultivation state, and why I could not return to the diligent state.
Let me talk about studying the Fa and cultivating my heart. In the past, when I studied, I could often see the deeper meanings of the Fa. During my Fa studies, when I read the same sentence of the Fa, new understandings often suddenly came to my mind. It was hard for me to forget that kind of amazing enlightenment. In the past, I joined the group exercises in the morning or evening. After the evening exercises, I then went to the evening group Fa study. When I got back home, I often continued to read the Fa and was even reluctant to lay down the book. I could almost recite every new article Master had published. I also liked to hand copy the teachings. For Zhuan Falun alone, I had copied the book over four times. At that time, before I went to sleep, I meditated almost every day until well past midnight. Sometimes, I meditated until dawn. By then I would think that I had meditated for six years in some other dimension. Speaking about cultivating the heart, I knew to look within myself, and when I encountered tribulations, I immediately thought about what attachments of mine were being targeted for elimination. I believe that many fellow practitioners had also experienced this and could still clearly remember that kind of cultivation state.
However, during the several years after the persecution started, I had not cultivated myself as diligently as before. I did not know what I was preoccupied with, as once I studied the Fa, my mind would drift away. Once I sent forth righteous thoughts, my mind would run wild. Oftentimes, in one week I only practiced the exercises several times. What was worse was that for a long time I did not know to genuinely cultivate myself. I searched externally when I encountered tribulations. I did not listen to the others' criticism or suggestions. I always felt that my idea was good. If someone did not accept my truth clarification after several attempts, I become angry. I was so angry that I sometimes wanted to start a fight. The situation would be fine again after several days. In the end, I lost my temper and my demon side became very frightening. Therefore, the benevolent image that I had maintained in front of others was just my own false pretension, and it did not come out naturally from my compassionate heart. It was all fake. I had not complied with "Truthfulness." When I read Master's new articles in which Master pointed out the various problems that practitioners may have, I felt that every sentence of Master's seemed to be about me. I then felt very ashamed and became a little better. However, my problems gradually came out again.
It was not until recently that I calmed myself down and thought about why I had become so agitated. After searching within myself many times, I finally found the root cause, which was that my fundamental attachment had not been eliminated yet.
Regarding studying the Fa, which is one of the three things that Dafa practitioners need to do well, I always tried to return to the cultivation state that I had before, but I failed. I felt very perplexed. I also kept doing the other two things, but the effectiveness was not very good. Now I feel that most of the time I did Dafa work like an ordinary person. I felt at a loss when I tried to find the cause of my problems. Later, with a hint from our benevolent Master, I finally found the root cause of my problems and suddenly enlightened in this regard.
I remembered several lines that a fellow practitioner had shared about fundamental attachments in her article. She basically said that her fundamental attachment was her pursuing the benefits that exist in heaven. When I first read this idea, I thought that this could not be counted as an attachment. What was the problem of pursuing the wonderfulness of heaven? I seemed to have this pursuit too. I was not interested in ordinary people's things at all. Sometimes I longed for the wonderful things in heaven, but what was wrong with my doing so? But now I understand that this pursuit was the root cause of my problems, and it was also my fundamental attachment. That is, I became attached to the things in heaven. When that fellow practitioner found and wrote about this attachment, I did not enlighten then, and let it slip by. This attachment had gradually formed without my awareness of its existence.
When I initially started my cultivation, I wanted to wholeheartedly and unconditionally cultivate myself. At that time, if I asked myself why I cultivated myself, I replied with a pure and simple thought, "Return to one's true self, and only through assimilation into the Fa can a life's existence be meaningful." Therefore, at that time I had genuinely cultivated myself, and Dafa had revealed the Fa's deeper meanings to a genuine cultivator. Although my cultivation was amidst tribulations at that time, I could experience the wonderfulness of constantly upgrading myself through genuine cultivation. It seemed that I was put in a mechanism that always made me diligently cultivate myself, and I could feel its wonderfulness. However, during the past several years, if I asked myself again why I cultivated myself, I would find that my mind was filled with some impure thoughts. What I had on my mind was no longer that pure, simple thought. That pure, simple thought had become vague and unreal because unknowingly, I started to think more about the things that I could get after I reached consummation. Benefits such as my cultivation realm, mighty virtue, glory, being respected by the sentient beings, heaven's sacredness, and my own beautiful image after consummation, and so forth. That is to say, these things had gradually replaced my original thoughts for genuine cultivation. Unknowingly, the purpose of my cultivation had changed to my pursuing these things. Although I was not attached to the things in the human world, my pursuit for the things in heaven was still an attachment, that is an attachment to reaching consummation. Studying the Fa with this attachment meant that the meanings of the Fa would not be revealed to me and I would not be able to elevate myself. It was just like an ordinary person, who after reading Zhuan Falun, can only feel that the book is one that teaches people to be good persons. He cannot see the deeper meanings of the Fa, because Dafa will not be revealed to an ordinary person. Similarly, when my fundamental attachment was not eliminated, Dafa would not reveal the deeper meanings of the Fa, and I could not see what was behind the words of the Fa. So, while I studied the Fa, I kept forgetting the Fa. No matter how I studied the Fa, I could not feel any changes or elevation.
Perhaps in some people's eyes, I appeared to have cultivated myself very diligently, and I had blazed through my path regardless of life or death. However, when I understood my fundamental attachment, the shock I experienced in my heart is beyond description! Dafa is so sacred and dignified! Dafa will not casually show the deeper meanings of the Fa to an ordinary person! For a person who had cultivated him or herself with human pursuits or attachments, no matter how many years the person has cultivated, he or she cannot truly attain the Fa.
Master has told us in his lectures about the sacredness and wonderfulness of the heavens, the wonderfulness and mighty virtue of ones' reaching consummation, and the saved sentient beings' respect and gratitude bestowed upon us. Master told us these things to encourage us to cherish this opportunity that comes once in one million years, so we can more diligently cultivate ourselves and save the sentient beings. In the meantime, Master also told us a Fa principle: He does not intend to have us develop new attachments.
If what we think is just to let ourselves unconditionally assimilate into the Fa, we will then be able to always pay attention to our own shortcomings. With this mindset, we will naturally be "happy to be aware of our own shortcomings." When others criticize us, or when one of our attachments is touched, we will then be able to quickly find what we have not done well and correct it, and assimilate ourselves into the Fa. Even when we are wrongly criticized, we also need to search within ourselves, and perhaps we can find other shortcomings we have and eliminate them. If we do it this way, we are actually genuinely cultivating ourselves with diligence. In this manner, when we read Dafa books, Dafa will keep revealing to us the wonderful meanings of the Fa. Our studying the Fa and practicing the exercises will then proceed as if we are put in the mechanism of diligent cultivation. So our not wanting to listen to criticism and always searching externally during tribulations are not just a matter of an attachment of being presumptuous and arrogant. If there exist among us, many incorrect states such as not liking to practice the exercises or studying the Fa, failing to regain our confidence in cultivation after we stumble, becoming worried about our gains and losses, liking someone while disliking someone else, paying attention to our realms or the magnitude of our virtues, etc., then we should search within to see if we are genuinely cultivating ourselves. We should truly ask ourselves for what purpose are we proceeding with cultivation.
When I wrote this article, I thought, "I will make my life quickly and unconditionally assimilate into the Fa, and I am not cultivating myself to gain some things from heaven." With this pure and simple thought, my cultivation state has completely changed. When reading the Fa, Dafa has again revealed the wonderful meanings to me. When I meditate and send forth righteous thoughts, I can sit continuously for several hours. With this wondrous mechanism, I am even reluctant to take my legs down. My desired cultivation state has really come back to me.
Through this matter, I understand a different aspect of Dafa cultivation, that is, Dafa cultivation is different from any cultivation ways in history. In those historic cultivation ways, the practitioners cultivated themselves with the attachments of, "I want to cultivate to high levels and become someone great. The heavens are so great. How can I cultivate myself and get there..." They even used these pursuits to motivate their cultivation. They did not break away from the attachment of pursuit. But in Dafa cultivation, what a Dafa cultivator does is unconditionally assimilate him or herself into the characteristics of the universe.
I have personally understood that Dafa cultivation is solemn and also very strict! If one does not truly cultivate him or herself, no matter how many things he or she has done, he or she is still like an ordinary person who does Dafa work. Although one may have held and read Dafa books every day for many years, he or she may still miss the opportunity that comes only once in one million years!
Master's benevolence is boundless! As a Dafa disciple, I can only do well again and cultivate myself diligently! This is the understanding that I have gained recently. Please kindly point out anything that is improper.
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