(Clearwisdom.net) I am a 78-year-old Falun Dafa practitioner. I was sickly and weak before I practiced Falun Dafa. I was tormented by various kinds of ailments for nearly four decades. I took countless pills and none really helped me. I also tried different qigong but there was no obvious effect. Sometimes my condition worsened and I felt terrible. I lost faith in life.
Fortunately, I came across Falun Dafa in late 1995 and began to practice formally in early 1996. I didn’t have a good understanding of Dafa’s profound principles at first and simply joined the morning group exercises and weekly Fa study. Over time my “xinxing” improved and I became healthy. The changes in me surprised everyone who knew me. Prior to Dafa practice I once visited a relative who lived on the ground floor. I panted all the way to her home. After I practiced Dafa I again visited her. She said, “Is that you?” I said, “Yes, it’s me.” She carefully looked me over and mumbled to herself, “How come she looks different from the patient who came to my home last time?”
My friends often say to me, “Before, you were barely alive. No one expected you to last as long as you have. You're now in such excellent health!” My daughter-in-law always tells people, “My mother-in-law has changed into a completely different person. She never used to care about us, but now she is so nice to me! She is better than my own family!” People witnessed the changes in me. I became healthy; my xinxing improved, as did my relationship with my family after I began the cultivation.
Before cultivating, I was partially deaf and farsighted. My memory had deteriorated to such an extent that I could remember almost nothing. My legs felt like they were filled with lead. I was cold all the time and was overall in a fragile state. Now I walk swiftly with light steps, and climbing five flights of stairs is nothing to me. My eyesight and hearing have both improved. I no longer need eyeglasses when reading books and newspapers. I am able to think clearly, my memory came back at an amazing rate, and various signs of aging disappeared. People cannot believe that I am 78 years old. I never would have dreamed before that I could make it this far. Dafa gave me wisdom. Teacher cleansed my body, and the mighty power of Dafa manifested through me.
I have practiced Dafa for more than ten years. Along the way I have stumbled and fallen, I took detours on the path of cultivation, and I make mistakes quite a bit, but eventually I have made it through. I often say to Teacher in my heart, “I took detours because I did not have rock-solid belief in Teacher and Dafa. I didn’t study the Fa deeply, I let Teacher and Dafa down.” I feel terrible regret and shame. Now, I often remind myself, “Do you believe in Teacher and Dafa, absolutely and with no doubt?” and I think, “I will cultivate Dafa with determination, follow Teacher until the end. I will practice cultivation no matter what tribulations or difficulties arise!”
I often think about the incredible glory and honor associated with the title “Fa rectification period Dafa disciple.” I ask myself, “Are you worthy of this glory? Are you truly helping Teacher to rectify the Fa and rescue sentient beings? Can you fulfill your prehistoric mission?” Teacher tells us to look inward when there are conflicts. I will most certainly look inward as Teacher has instructed us.
Occasionally, some practitioners tell me that I am a good practitioner. I think, “You are only looking at the surface. I know that I don’t have a deep understanding of Dafa and I still have lots of human notions. How can you say that I practice well?” Other times I get upset when people criticize me. I have lots of omissions and fall short when compared to practitioners who cultivate well. I can only find those gaps by looking inward, correcting myself in order to live up to the standards for a Dafa practitioner and not disappoint Teacher for all of his suffering on our behalf. Teacher repeatedly tells us during each lecture that we must study the Fa well and study the Fa a lot. I definitely increasingly feel that Fa study is the foundation for everything. We have to improve on the Fa and assimilate to the Fa before we can return to our true, original selves and ascend in cultivation. So what do I do during cultivation?
Although I study the Fa every day, at first I only made sure I read the book without a hitch but didn’t really understand the profound Fa principles. My understanding was limited to the literal meaning of the words. I read the book “Zhuan Falun” many, many times, but one thought always flashed across my mind—I wanted to know the inner meaning of Dafa, but I could not. I was upset for a long time because of this. One day I suddenly realized I was pursuing it! Just as Teacher said,
“That’s why the more you want them, the less likely you’ll get them. It’s because you are seeking, and needless to say, seeking things is an attachment, and it is exactly attachments that cultivation tries to get rid of.” (“The Third Talk” in Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation version)
I gave up the attachment of pursuit and studied the Fa without any intention. After I discarded the mentality of pursuit, the principles of Dafa were gradually revealed to me. When I had previously read the Fa, I never gave much thought to the meaning of Dafa. Although I read the book many times, because I had not realized the principles and had not studied it deeply, the inner meanings escaped me. Now I am suddenly awakened and realize the reason I dropped to this ordinary society was for my selfish thoughts. Teacher wants to help us return to our true, original selves and return to the place where our true being was first created. This is [according to understanding at my level] the deeper meaning of “Truly guiding people up to high levels.” (“The First Talk” from Zhuan Falun)
In order to return to our true homes we must cultivate away selfishness. Human society is truly a maze, and human beings are on the lowest level. All human beings must suffer illness, old age and death, and go through reincarnation. This is a filthy place where we should not stay long, but we do not know it because we are mired in quests for fame, fortune and emotion. We keep creating karma during different lifetimes until we are nearly completely destroyed. Teacher is here to help us return to our true homes. We must cherish this precious opportunity of many thousands of years.
After I understood this principle, I diligently removed selfishness. People live for themselves in the old universe. Cultivators must of course discard attachments to reputation, self-interest and emotions. We must assimilate to Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance and do as Teacher tells us - cultivate into selfless and altruistic righteous beings. When conflicts arise between “him” and “me”, we must put others before ourselves. For example, sometimes when I’m ready to study the Fa or do the exercises I suddenly receive Teacher’s new articles or “truth clarification” materials. I always deliver them to fellow practitioners in a timely manner in order to help them improve themselves. When the weather gets windy, rainy or snowy, I think of overseas practitioners, young and old, who distribute fliers in the streets and clarify the truth. They sit in front of Chinese consulates to appeal and have done so for seven years. The hardships confronting me are indeed tiny compared to those overcome by fellow practitioners. I do not care about long distances or tall buildings. Some people are concerned about me because of my age, but I never think about it. I am always confident and try my best to pass information to other practitioners.
I recently studied “Don’t Be Sad” from Hong Yin Volume II. I had previously thought it was written for incarcerated practitioners. Now I know Teacher wrote it for all practitioners in the world, with the emphasis on the practitioners in Mainland China who are locked in actual cages, and who do not have freedom or human rights. They cannot hear voices from the outside, and cannot see the light of day. They are confined within the Communist Party’s cage. The Party accuses innocent people of fabricated crimes. There is no way for people to fight for themselves but to submit to the Party’s abuse and slaughter. How can we break out of this invisible cage? Only by whittling away at human notions, by clarifying the truth to awaken people’s conscience and kind thoughts, and by exposing the Party’s nature of “lies, vice and struggle” can we regain freedom and break out of this cage. This is what I have realized, although I haven’t enlightened to higher principles due to limitations at my level.
As I understand it, group Fa study is a good environment for cultivators to improve themselves. I asked several practitioners to come to my home, and we studied the Fa together. We discussed issues and exchanged opinions, and we gradually improved our xinxing. We all thought group Fa study was great! We decided to continue this practice. Our xinxing improved as we studied the Fa.
I was not satisfied however, because I still could not memorize Zhuan Falun. Although I could memorize Hong Yin, Hong Yin Volume II, and Essentials for Further Advancement, when it came to Zhuan Falun, notions emerged. I thought Zhuan Falun was a thick book and would be hard to memorize. I had made a decision in the past to memorize the book, but I quit halfway. I read stories in the “Minghui Weekly” of other practitioners diligently memorizing Zhuan Falun, and it was a great impetus for me. I thought, “We are all particles within the Fa. How can I fail to memorize the book when other practitioners can do it?” Back during the individual cultivation period, Dafa practitioners in Changchun were doing a good job memorizing the book. I still cannot memorize the book after all these years because I am not diligent. Why? When I look inward, I realize that I had not listened to Teacher and did not conform to the standards for a Fa rectification period Dafa disciple. I did not want to endure hardships and wanted to live an easy life. I felt ashamed and decided to memorize Zhuan Falun, regardless. I thought, “A Fa rectification period Dafa disciple must do it.” After I made the decision, it suddenly occurred to me that I should memorize the book paragraph by paragraph. Yes! In the past, I pursued speed and ended up quitting halfway. This time Teacher saw that I was determined to memorize the Fa, so he pointed out a key point. It reinforced in my mind what Teacher had said,
“‘Cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master’—if you just have that wish you’re all set. When it comes to who’s actually doing it, it’s the master.” (“The First Talk” from Zhuan Falun)
I had to quit all the habits that stood in the way of my memorizing the Fa, such as calligraphy practice, watching TV, etc. These things consumed a lot of time and also adversely affected Fa study and memorization. Now, I have quit all those habits altogether and conduct myself according to the standards for a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple at all times.
Clarifying the truth and rescuing sentient beings is one of the “three things.” At first I didn’t realize the deep and long-term significance of this task. I simply thought, “I will do it since Teacher tells us to do it.” I was doing it as if I was completing one of Teacher's assignments. I didn’t have compassion. I was not rescuing people out of heartfelt compassion, so I slacked off instead of having a sense of urgency. With Fa study and reading fellow practitioners’ experience-sharing articles in the Minghui Weekly, I improved my understanding and realized that I was not acting according to Teacher's lessons. Dafa practitioners’ grand prehistoric vows are to assist Teacher in rectifying the Fa and rescuing sentient beings. Indeed, I felt that Dafa practitioners’ responsibilities were great. I improved my xinxing, and my compassion grew. I started clarifying the truth through various channels and in different ways. I seized every opportunity to clarify the truth when riding on trains, in cars, when shopping and selling recycled objects to the recycling company. I also went to other cities and nearby villages to hand out fliers and copies of the “Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party.” I clarified the truth face to face. I wrote letters to people and wrote words on bills to clarify the truth about Falun Gong.
Through looking inward I discovered that I was still not diligent enough. Teacher said,
“In Buddha Law cultivation you have to boldly and vigorously forge ahead.” (“The Ninth Talk” from Zhuan Falun)
However, I always seem to lag behind diligent practitioners. When we first started sending forth righteous thoughts I was doubtful. Would righteous thoughts have an effect? I didn’t take it seriously and didn’t send forth righteous thoughts at the four set times each day. I thought, “It doesn’t matter, because other Dafa practitioners in the world are sending forth righteous thoughts and I am only one person.” I didn’t even send forth righteous thoughts four times a day. I was especially drowsy at midnight and could not do it. I gradually learned the magnificent implication of sending forth righteous thoughts, as well as the reason for my drowsiness. This realization boosted my confidence. Now I don’t miss any opportunity to send forth righteous thoughts four times a day, and I also do it on the hour. I’m no longer sleepy at midnight. These incidents validate the mighty power of Dafa. One time I saw an article posted on the bulletin board at a university. The article attacked Teacher and Dafa and was written with a traditional brush. I sent forth righteous thoughts next to the article and continued to do so after going home. Several days later I went back and saw the article was replaced.
Through constantly looking inward I found lots of omissions. I corrected myself in time and improved my xinxing. Still, I have to pass trials and overcome strict tests on the path of cultivation to keep up with Fa rectification. I think we must first guarantee the quantity and quality of Fa study so we can enlighten to higher Fa principles, to be able to do well with the three things Teacher requires of us.
I have lots of feelings when I look back at the path I have taken. I started out as an ordinary person who didn’t know anything about cultivation. Like an infant learning to walk, Teacher helped me understand profound Fa principles. I changed from being slack to diligent and eventually became a Fa rectification period Dafa disciple. I realized the meaning of regarding the Fa as Teacher. Although it is not easy to do, I think I will achieve Dafa’s standards and Teacher’s requirements! I am determined and confident to do well and righteously!
The above is my limited understanding due to my level. Please benevolently point out anything inappropriate.
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