(Clearwisdom.net) I had the feeling that I was unable to bear any more due to being overloaded with projects validating the Fa. Earlier, I had discussed this with fellow practitioners and hoped that they could share some of my work for Dafa, but they seemed to not hear me at all. So I started to complain about it. "I need to do so many things, how can I handle all of them?" At that very moment, I was unable to describe my feeling of being lost. My situation seemed to be like a poem written by Li Bai: "I want to cross over the Yellow River but it is covered in ice; I want to climb the Taihang Mountain but it is covered in snow."
I took a break and calmly studied the Fa. As I studied, I paid attention to each thought that appeared in my mind. One thought that did not meet the standard of the Fa repeatedly emerged. As soon as it emerged, I eliminated it and then continued to study Teacher's Fa.
As I studied the Fa, I consciously eliminated my attachment to desire and lust that appeared frequently. Why was my sentimentality still so strong in the current stage of Fa-rectification? This is the first big test when a practitioner starts to cultivate. I discovered that I had not fundamentally removed my sentimentality with respect to desire and lust. As soon as the attachment arose, I immediately eliminated it and chose Dafa with righteous thoughts. I thoroughly gave up this human mentality.
Next, I discovered that while doing Dafa work, I was creating a new human mentality and this was stronger than the thought of saving people. What was the reason behind this? I discovered that when I did work for Dafa, I treated it as a job, with human notions. With respect to doing the work it seemed to be correct, but it actually did not meet the standard of the Fa in a deeper dimension. In other words, I did not completely assimilate to the Fa while validating the Fa. My attachment to a career unconsciously weakened my determination for saving people. Subsequently, I had become numb in regards to doing things for Dafa, such as exposing the facts of the persecution and rescuing fellow practitioners. As for those articles that I needed to write, I had not even started yet. As for other things that I needed to do in a timely manner, I had postponed them to a later time and some of them had been delayed for a long time.
When I complained to other practitioners, it showed my dark attachment to jealousy. I complained that some fellow practitioners did not really help me to upgrade my level; instead, they just unloaded their work on me. I was jealous that fellow practitioners had spare time to study the Fa and I was unwilling to accept that they had cultivated very well. Due to letting down my guard and not cultivating diligently, I was unable to truly improve myself. Therefore, I blamed it all on fellow practitioners not helping me the way I had hoped.
When I thought about it further, I wondered why I had so many different kinds of work to do for Dafa. Some of them were needed due to the progress of Fa-rectification, but others were created by my own attachments, such as wanting to learn more skills in order to improve my knowledge, and wanting to be in charge. Those attachments were covered with the excuse that Dafa needed more projects. I could not get protection and strengthening from the Fa because I did not do things according to the standards of the Fa. Therefore, when I was tired, I started to complain. By doing so, my situation got worse. Some projects for saving sentient beings were delayed and gradually, I became numb.
After studying the Fa for two days, I realized that Fa-rectification had made rapid progress, and practitioners needed to manifest their divine sides and save sentient beings. At that critical moment, I stayed at home and studied the Fa while having the mentality of wanting to adjust myself well through Fa study and then validating the Fa. I fell into the path of individual cultivation. I was not able to distinguish this evil persecution. I could not deny all the bad things the evil had pushed upon me. Instead, I regarded everything as attachments that I needed to remove. How could I be a practitioner in the Fa- rectification period? I should not hide in my home and study the Fa alone; instead I should go out and share and study with fellow practitioners.
During a discussion with fellow practitioners concerning the above issues, I realized that the main reason for the accumulation of these problems was that I usually had neglected to be strict in my cultivation practice and did not watch every thought and action and did not assimilate with the Fa. I always had an excuse for not practicing the five exercises, but was actually attached to laziness and seeking comfort. Therefore, I could not see the deep connotations of the Fa at different levels, nor catch up with the progress of Fa-rectification.
After realizing this, I decided to change fundamentally and I started to practice the exercises with practitioners in mainland China via the satellite broadcast. I need to completely change my human notions of seeking comfort and cultivate diligently, so that I can catch up with the progress of Fa-rectification.
As I was sending forth righteous thoughts at 5 o'clock today, I remembered some words from Teacher's article, "Stop the Evil Acts with Righteous Thoughts":
"Everything Dafa disciples are doing at present is to save the world's people and all beings, to expose the persecution, and to put an end to the persecution. So you cannot accept any of the evil's persecutory acts, and even less should you allow the evil to do whatever it wants persecuting Dafa disciples."
"Whether it's when the wicked policemen are using electric batons or when bad people are injecting drugs to persecute you, you can use your righteous thoughts to redirect the electric current or the drugs back to the person doing violence to you." (Stop the Evil Acts with Righteous Thoughts 2/15/2004)
Therefore, I sent forth righteous thoughts, "I am a disciple of Teacher Li Hongzhi. I will not follow the arrangements of others. Return all the bad things the rampant dark minions and rotten ghosts have pushed onto me right back to them and let them bear it. Completely eliminate the dark minions and rotten ghosts as well as all bad things in the cosmos." As soon as the above thoughts emerged in my mind, my heavy feeling suddenly disappeared.
During the global sending forth of righteous thoughts at 6 o'clock, I suddenly realized that the purpose for my learning technology in the past contained some selfishness. However, in that moment, I clearly realized that all the technology I learned was also a powerful tool to help fellow practitioners with Dafa work. The selfishness in my heart had disappeared and my heart was filled with joy when I helped others. Furthermore, I realized what a great honor it is to be a Dafa practitioner in the Fa- rectification period and to be able to assist Teacher. As I assimilated with the Fa at that moment, all my selfish thoughts that originated from the old cosmos were instantly eliminated.
The above are my recent understandings. Please point out any mistakes.
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Category: Improving Oneself
