(Clearwisdom.net) I still remember when I was 5 years old. I was homeless and lived in an orphanage. Out of loneliness, I often stared at the giant rocks outside the window during the middle of the night, imagining my mom could come one day and pick me up.
In 1994, I started to practice Falun Dafa and met Teacher in person. I felt I was indeed on the road back home. Cultivating Falun Dafa purified my mind and body. I was often able to see extraordinary things through my third eye.
Understanding Fa principles with a pure heart during Fa-study
Since I joined group exercise in early 1996, I have devoted myself in Dafa and acted according to Teacher's words. However, I had not felt much rapid improvement and sickness karma accompanied me. I sent forth righteous thoughts, but did not see any change. Looking within did not help, either. I was worried: Fa-rectification has reached the final stages and I was still in such a condition, how can I return home? Teacher often emphasizes the importance of Fa-study, and I know I did not do it well. But, how can I improve Fa-study?
In "To the Australia Fa Conference", Teacher said,
"Whether you are a new or veteran student, all the same you must not neglect Fa-study on account of being busy. Don't just go through the motions when you study the Fa. You should study with a concentrated mind, and you must really be studying. There have been so many lessons involving this. I hope all of you do well on the final leg of the journey."
I decided to follow Teacher's words to calm down during Fa-study. When calm, my mind was righteous and I was quickly immersed in the Fa. When studying the section of "Bigu" in Zhuan Falun, I read,
"Some people are simply attached to seeking bigu, yet this attachment has not been removed, among many other attachments of everyday people. Such a person's mouth will be watering when he sees some delicious food. Once this desire surges, he cannot control it and will be anxious to eat the food. When his appetite arises, he will want to eat; otherwise he will feel hungry. However, he will throw up if he eats. Since he cannot eat, he will become very nervous and quite scared. Many people are hospitalized and, in actuality, many people's lives are endangered."
I suddenly enlightened to the idea that Teacher was not just talking about bigu, but was also telling us how to cultivate. If one is not determined in their cultivation, he or she cannot succeed. If someone wants to try bigu out of curiosity, and eats things when their appetite arises, he is doomed to fail. If one can truly forsake drinking and eating, he will be able to bigu.
I also enlightened when reading another paragraph in Zhuan Falun,
"In ancient China, particularly prior to the establishment of religions, many practitioners employed the form of secret practice or solitary cultivation in remote mountains or caves far away from human settlements. Once they chose to do it this way, it would involve the issue of food supplies. If one did not use the bigu method, one could not practice cultivation at all and would die there of hunger or thirst. I went from Chongqing to Wuhan to teach the Fa, and I took a boat heading east on the Yangtze River. I saw some caves on both sides of the Three Gorges in the mid sections of the mountains; many well-known mountains also have these things. In the past, after climbing into a cave with the help of a rope, a practitioner would cut off the rope to practice in the cave. If this person could not succeed in cultivation, he would die inside it. Without food or water, it was under this very special circumstance that he resorted to this particular cultivation method."
From this, I realized that being a practitioner is indeed cultivating one's heart. One has to let go of curiosity, attachment to appetite, etc. and should have a true heart for cultivation. For the practitioner who went into the cave with a rope, he knew there was no water or food; he also knew he would die if he could not succeed. Still, he dared to cut the rope. This is because he was able to let go of life and death, and that showed he had a strong faith in cultivation. Although what he cut was the rope. In fact, he also cut the desire for food, as well as other numerous desires and attachments.
An ancient practitioner could have a high level. Then, how should we Dafa disciples cultivate? How should we deal with those attachments and desires? On the following day, I wanted to eat meat and was planning to buy some. Then I recalled the story in Zhuan Falun, and decided to get rid of that attachment. With that thought, I no longer felt like eating meat. When I told this story to my husband, he went out and bought 10 pounds (4.5 kg) of meat and asked me to cook it. After I finished cooking the meat, I felt that the meat was no longer attractive to me.
Calming down to study the Fa helps me a lot. In the past, I also kept many things on my mind, and was hurrying on this or that. In fact, without calming down to study the Fa, we are unable to improve. How can we do things well?
Looking for attachments and let them go
Through reading Zhuan Falun, I found many attachments that I had. They include greed, lust, jealousy, the competitive mentality, zealotry, showing off, fear, desire for fame, vanity, pursuit, seeking comfort, ego, low self-esteem, etc.
When reading "Upgrading Xinxing" in Zhuan Falun, I found an attachment that was deeply buried: holding a grudge. I disliked some people who mistreated me at work. I complained to my husband for his playing mahjong, and his forsaking cultivation. I was complaining about those practitioners who were arrested because of not listening to suggestions, and those who renounced cultivation or could not cultivate diligently. As time went by, I could not even notice the existence of these bad thoughts. In fact, the sickness karma I experienced could be related to these bad thoughts.
In Zhuan Falun, Teacher said, "To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments." As practitioners walking the path of returning to our origins, we need to get rid of these human notions. Such complaints or hatred will make us focus on the others' shortcomings, rather than on our own drawbacks. This is not our true self. We need to get rid of these attachments and be tolerant and compassionate.
With that righteous thought, the depression that had bothered me for years, was gone. The sickness karma was also lessened. I was able to calm down during meditation, and was able to do it for a longer time. When studying the Fa, there was also less interference in my mind. Miraculously, on the following day, when taking a nap after lunch, I was half sleeping and felt something stuck in my nose. I dragged them out; they were two big, round, hard balls with long threads attached to them that seemed to be rooted in my brain. I pulled them out and threw them away. Throughout the process, my eyes were closed and did not actually see anything. I think they could be the materialized form of my karma--big and deeply rooted.
I now have a deeper understandings of Teacher's helping us to eliminate karma. In Zhuan Falun, Teacher said,
"My fashen know everything--they know everything on your mind, and they can do anything. They will not take care of you if you do not practice cultivation. If you practice cultivation, they will help you all the way to the end."
Because I wanted to cultivate, wanted to get rid of the bad notions and attachments. Teacher helped me to destroy them, so that I could pull them out of my dreams. Teacher has indeed done many things for us.
Cultivating one's heart is very important. Now, after beginning to calm down and study the Fa, I know how to cultivate diligently. The road back home is closer.
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