Greetings to my fellow practitioners and greetings to Teacher.
I am honored to share with you my humble cultivation experiences today, and some truths I've enlightened to along the way. I do this in the hope that it may help others facing similar tests and attachments to see more clearly how they can improve, and be encouraged to be diligent.
I obtained the Fa in September 2003, and have been cultivating for three and a half years. I come from New Zealand, and I'm so blessed because this is the fourth spring New York Fahui I've attended. I still remember the incredible experience of my first Fahui in April 2004. I'd spent the best part of my twenty-hour flight studying Teacher's articles. I wanted to show my respect to Teacher, who might possibly teach the Fa at the conference, and I felt I should do my best to have studied all of Teacher's previously taught Fa. I soaked them up like I had a deep eternal thirst that was finally being quenched. During that week I felt like I was going up and down in an elevator, and I knew that my energy channels were opening up. At the conference I felt like an unworthy guest at a magnificent gathering of Gods and Buddhas.
At this stage of Fa-rectification my personal cultivation was thrust together with clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings very quickly. At first I stumbled along a bit, still very caught up in everyday people's attachments, but Teacher arranged for me to move in with two steadfast and diligent female Chinese practitioners. In this pure environment my cultivation level rose by leaps and bounds.
Soon after I returned from New York it was announced that Manhattan needed practitioners to come and clarify the truth on a large scale. I enlightened to many things while contemplating what was happening in Fa-rectification. I understood that the 4-5 million people in New York City were in grave danger. I believed that if Teacher says it's important, then it must be... And much more than Teacher would explain. Teacher said in Zhuan Falun,
"If I have a yard and I say only an inch of it, you may still claim that I am boasting, but what was said is in fact only a tiny portion. Because of the great gap in levels, I cannot disclose to you a bit of higher Dafa."
I considered my situation to see if I was going to extremes. The truth is I wasn't tied to anything in particular in New Zealand. I was single, I'd just completed my studies, and I was looking for a better job, but I was extremely short of cash. In fact I was still paying for my plane ticket from the New York Fahui. I decided that if I were meant to go, such a minor thing as money wouldn't stop me. I worked so hard, but couldn't come up with the money soon enough. I felt like it would be too late if I kept putting off the trip. My understanding and faith were tested. I booked the ticket anyway, though I didn't have enough money. Soon a practitioner offered to lend me the money, as she wanted to go but was at the university.
When I told my parents that I would be spending between three and six months or maybe more in New York clarifying the truth, I could hear my mother crying uncontrollably in the background as I spoke to my dad on the phone. She refused to speak to me and begged me not to go. I knew straight away that it was a test, and told my dad that I couldn't base important decisions in my life on my mother's emotional reactions.
I spent a weekend with them before I left. I was to catch an early morning flight from my hometown to Auckland International Airport, and from there another flight to New York. That morning neither my nor my dad's alarm went off. I suddenly woke up five minutes after my plane took off. My stomach sank. I immediately started sending forth righteous thoughts, and looked inside to see why I'd been interfered with. I realized that I was going into battle, and that I should have spent more time preparing by studying the Fa, but I was too relaxed at home and wasted time watching TV with my parents. I didn't know what to do. My mother took over, and after much effort, managed to get me on another flight leaving from a city one hour away. They raced me there in the car, and I just made it in time. In the end, my mother ended up saving the day.
My understanding is that since I wasn't attached to my mother's emotions, the old forces couldn't use her to stop me. In the end she was able to play a positive role.
New York and NTDTV
In New York I lived a very thrifty life, and survived on very little each month. I had heard of New Tang Dynasty television (NTDTV) and wanted to work there, as I had studied audio production, and thought I might be useful. As soon as I walked in, the head of the English Department recruited me as the third member of their news production team. I was insecure about my abilities, but felt the strong force of my pre-arranged path guiding me.
The pressure of working at the station was intense. I faced personal cultivation tribulations and severe old force interference. I swung back and forth between different understandings on how to deal with the interference.
Was it karma elimination that I had to forbear? Was I asking for it because I was scared and expected it? Could I not eliminate it due to my lack of confidence in my supernormal abilities? Was it my fault because I had gaps and attachments? If I tried to eliminate them would they laugh at me and continue to cause problems?
The interference would always come before it was time to put the news on the satellite for broadcast. So many computer problems and unexplainable things would happen. After many long and frustrating nights, I learned to be steadfast and truly believe in the importance of clarifying the truth with the news. The interference became more apparent when we had news pieces that directly clarified the truth about the evil. This only made us more resolute. When problems arose I would say, "The Fa-rectification is unstoppable. No matter what you do, you can't stop me, I'll get the news done on time for the broadcast." Time and time again this became the reality, and no matter what interference came, with solid righteous thoughts, we would come out on top. Of course it wouldn't do if I didn't look inside and consider how to overcome my attachments. Things like laziness and self-doubt, anger and frustration often appeared while doing the TV work.
Often our little English news team would question the importance of what we were doing. We didn't even know if people actually watched our programs, but English NTD has since played an important roll in Fa-rectification. When NTD's satellite operator, a French company, was being interfered with by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), English news became the window for westerners to understand NTD and our purpose. Now that the NTD Spectacular is touring internationally, many people are wondering what NTDTV is. When they check out the website, there's an entire English section for them to explore, which is another avenue for them to be saved, by watching news that exposes the evil CCP.
I managed to stay in New York for nine months, continually renewing and stretching the limits of my visitor's visa. As the time came close for me to go back to New Zealand, part of me wanted to go home to my country and family, but a big part wanted to stay and continue working at NTDTV. I told Teacher in my heart that I wanted to do what was best for Fa-rectification and saving sentient beings. I promised to give up my attachments and follow Teacher's path for me.
Becoming a Wife and Mother
Soon thereafter, a young American practitioner, who I occasionally spoke to since coming to New York, proposed me to. We got along well, and I felt I could trust him and like he was family, so I said yes. We didn't want to waste too much time dating and agreed we'd try our best to be a good husband and wife to each other. We married two months later.
Marriage has been such a powerful cultivation environment, where attachments can easily come out for weeding. One thing that has often tripped me up is feminism. I grew up in a society saturated with feminist ideology. Although I've never considered myself a feminist, it was ingrained into my thinking and behavior. Feminists believe that women are equal to men, and that men shouldn't be stronger than women or have authority over them. I consider this a communistic mentality. This has caused many social problems in society, and goes against the nature of the universe, Truthfulness, Compassion, Tolerance.
My understanding is that a wife should be subservient to the husband, and treat him with respect. This is the traditional way, but I found it very hard to put into practice. I had attachments to being right, and if he told me what I should do or that I did something wrong I couldn't accept it. I struggled to let go of my attachment to self, and when I resist that attachment it fights back, and conflict usually follows. It's just like what Teacher said at the 2004 Chicago conference,
"You know, why is it that many things, many attachments, can't be removed just like that? Why is it so hard? I've always told you that particles make up particles level by level from the microcosm all the way to surface matter. If you took a look in the extreme microcosm at the material formed by what your mind is attached to, [you'd see that] they are mountains, huge mountains, made of hard, granite-like rock, and once they are formed there's simply no way for a human being to move them." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference")
I have missed many opportunities to truly improve my xinxing this way, but when I do let go of my attachment to self and submit, I can feel a part of my old self �" a bad part, would die. It feels uncomfortable, but afterwards I can always see what a meaningless thing it was that I was attached to. It's much more harmonious to be selfless and consider others first.
Balancing being a good wife and mother to my 5-month-old baby, personal cultivation requirements such as studying the Fa and doing the exercises, and clarifying the truth to the world's people and sending righteous thoughts has stretched my capacity. Looking back I see that it can be done and I am doing it, and as I let go of more attachments the path only becomes smoother, more effective, and more efficient. This is the great power of the Buddha Fa!
Thank you Teacher! Thank you everyone!
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