(Clearwisdom.net) I am a being with missions to accomplish that has also come to cultivate. However, I have only paid attention to my missions. I did my best to send forth righteous thoughts and tell the truth about Falun Dafa to people, but I ignored the fact that I also came to cultivate. I should cultivate myself well and fulfill my missions at the same time.
I felt upset when a fellow practitioner established a small material production site in our area and I was not notified. I felt upset when a fellow practitioner brought another practitioner some truth clarification materials at his convenience and he did not ask me to pass out those materials. When a fellow practitioner was sick of me, I didn't look inside and dig out my attachments. When I was unsure of a fellow practitioner's words and actions, I didn't realize that it could be taken advantage of by the old forces to create gaps between us and split our united body. When a fellow practitioner pointed out to me that I lacked a conscience, I didn't think that Teacher, all gods in the universe, and all sentient beings were looking at me with eager expectation.
The conflicts in front of me were like a wall that became wider and taller. When the material production site needed help, I didn't choose to stay and left. What I felt were my own grievances, unhappiness, and loneliness.
In anguish, I asked myself, "Haven't I studied the Fa enough? Why did this still happen?" I continued studying the Fa with a pure and calm heart. Finally, I found the reason: I hadn't cultivated myself well. I ignored the fact that I am a being that came to cultivate. What I had done strengthened my sense of self, but cultivation requires one to let go of oneself.
Teacher told us in "Buddha-Nature and Demon-Nature" from Essentials For Further Advancement, "One's Buddha-nature is Shan, and it manifests itself as compassion, thinking of others before acting, and the ability to endure suffering."
I suddenly understand how much of our Teacher's expectations were included in this sentence of the Fa. I will cultivate myself well to make up for my past mistakes. Only if I cultivate myself well am I able to fulfill the missions I have agreed to shoulder.
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