(Clearwisdom.net) Every weekend I study the Fa with other practitioners of Bayern State. Last night, a new practitioner wanted to come and study the Fa with us. Initially, I was somewhat reluctant when I received his phone call. However, I was able to calm down during the study to a good state that I had not reached for a long time. My xinxing improved during our discussion as I found a big mistake in my cultivation: I treat my attachments as myself.
For a long time I was unable to defeat the interference of sleepiness. My impatience toward my family really made me disappointed. When my husband woke me up this morning, initially "I" did not want to get up. Because he opened the door, letting the light come in and our daughter was still sleeping, I got angry at him.
In the bathroom, I thought about the things that happened a week before. My husband woke me up early in the morning and we practiced the exercises together. However, I felt so tired that I could not finish all the exercises without sitting down at times. Later, I felt sad and started to examine "my" attachments. I remembered what I had understood the previous night. In front of the mirror, I thought, "That is not me. The tired feeling is not me." Suddenly, I felt energetic and the negative material was breaking apart.
Last night, I read an article written by a practitioner from China. It pointed out my problem precisely. We cannot treat the bad ideas from outside influences--karma and other forms of interference--as ourselves. Otherwise, our righteous thoughts would not effectively eliminate them. Master said in Zhuan Falun:
"Nobody will intervene if you want something yourself. As long as it is what you want, nobody will intervene. My fashen will stop you and give you hints. If it finds out that you are always like that, it will no longer take care of you. How can one be forced to practice cultivation?"("Your Mind Must Be Right," Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun)
Several days ago, I saw that my loopholes matched the arrangements of the old forces. I saw a scene from heaven with my third eye. Those gods who swore to assist Master in Fa-rectification flew toward the human world, and I was the last one on the road and only tried my best to follow them. The old forces said to me, "You cannot go with them, because you are one of us."
I do not accept the old forces' arrangements! I am a Dafa disciple. I am surrounded by Master's great mercy and I am a particle of Dafa.
I understand that many thoughts are not mine, such as, "'I am afraid of making phone calls," "I don't believe that I could do well for the marketing work of Falun Gong practitioners' media," "Why couldn't I defeat the demon of lust?" "Why am I still attached to fame and profit?" and "We could not work together."
Through studying the Fa well and purifying our minds, we will become more capable of saving sentient beings and meeting Master's benevolent hopes.
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