(Clearwisdom.net) I am a veteran practitioner; I started practicing in 1996. Through all the ups and downs in my cultivation, I have had regrets when I did not do so well. But I have become more rational, determined, and mature. I would like to share with everyone my understanding on how to continuously purify one's self while doing the three things so that no loophole can be exploited. I will also share my thoughts on how to let our true nature to help others come forth to save more sentient beings during the Fa-rectification.
I am very busy at work. Also, I need to harmonize my family environment. I feel time passes by very fast every day and I must make time for everything. I usually study the Fa in the evenings. I spend a couple of hours distributing truth-clarifying materials after work. When I first started to clarify the truth face-to-face, I had some difficulties. Some people missed opportunities to learn the truth because I had an attachment to protecting myself. I realized that it was the people whom I work with I had difficulty with. It was easier for me to clarify the truth to strangers, and the results were usually good, too. Why was that? If it was only selfishness, why didn't I have any trouble clarifying the truth to strangers when my mind was pure and I just wanted to tell them the truth and ask them to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP)? I asked myself, "Why am I afraid? What am I having problems with?" A thought came to me, "They might tell my husband if I clarify the truth to them [people at work] and I won't have peace at home again."
I had found the root of my problems, but my heart felt very heavy at the same time. I was troubled by the fact that I still could not resolve the problem with my own family.
During my cultivation, I have had a strong attachment to family comfort. Since July 20, 1999, when the persecution started, I have been illegally arrested several times for appealing for ustice for Falun Gong in Beijing. Later I was again arrested and detained for six months because I did not completely negate the old force's arrangement. On the surface, it was a result of fellow practitioners at a material production site not cultivating their speech. During my detention, the old forces took advantage of my loophole: the attachment to sentimentality. My husband tried to commit suicide and was rushed to a hospital by his colleagues. My mother almost had a mental breakdown. Ever since I returned home, my attachment to sentiments toward my family has been a strong obstacle on my path of cultivation.
In order to force me to give up the practice, my family members did everything they could think of. It was as if they wouldn't stop until they succeeded in keeping me from practicing. At that time, I felt very depressed because I did not meet the Fa's standard at my level. I was at the limit of what I could bear and felt as if I was a jar full of water: add more water and it would spill over. At the beginning, I kept it a secret from my family when I did the three things. I knew it was wrong, but could not break through. I knew in my heart that there is no shortcut in cultivation. Every level has its standard. If I did not get rid of the attachments, if I could not change the human notions that were formed over thousands of years, if I could not assimilate to the Fa's requirement at each level, I would not able to raise my level. And any human attachment is an obstacle for returning to one's true self.
Sometimes, I thought, "What if Teacher was next me?" One glance from Teacher would help me get rid of all my attachments because they would all dissolve in Teacher's compassionate field. It is just like a wood chip dropped into a blast furnace of molten steel, instantly lost. But that wouldn't be me cultivating, it would be Teacher helping me. This attachment has not been eliminated by my cultivation. That is an omission. Teacher talked about taking the Fa as teacher. The only thing I should do is study the Fa more.
After the report on organ harvesting from living Falun Gong practitioners in Sujiatun was made public, I was told that a transplant had just been performed in the hospital where I work. It was in the newspaper, too. Several days earlier, some practitioners went to the hospital to send forth righteous thoughts and saw many police vehicles outside and many plainclothes police outside the surgery room. I did not even know about it at the time. I didn't think it was a coincidence that other practitioners told me about it. I realized I have a responsibility. Soon after, there was a lunch gathering of hospital staff. I had an opportunity to speak with a hospital administrator. I asked him directly, "Have you heard about the overseas report on Sujiatun Hospital harvesting organs from living Falun Gong practitioners and then destroying the bodies to cover up the evidence?" He said it was not possible. I continued, "I also practice Falun Gong. I am paying close attention to this matter. Do you know the source of the organ for the transplant our hospital did? Was it legal?" He said, "I can guarantee you that the organ was not from a Falun Gong practitioner." I said, "Please join everyone with a sense of justice to pay attention to this matter." He said he would.
When I got home that evening, my husband had already heard about it. He was very angry, "You are getting bolder and bolder. You even talked to your boss. I cannot live like this. You should consider what we should do." He then told my mother about it. My mother was scared to death. Everyone was pointing at me. My head was clear. I knew that this situation was caused by my attachment. Even though there was interference from the old forces, they wouldn't be able to do anything if I did not have the attachment. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate interference from other dimensions. At the same time, I said firmly, "No matter what you think of what I did today, as long as the CCP has not stopped the persecution of Falun Gong, I will expose the persecution non-stop."
When I said that, my heart felt so light. Finally, I had broken through this obstacle and felt wonderful, without any restrictions. In fact, why do people suffer? The physical suffering is only one part of it. It is actually because people have too many attachments; they worry about everything. When they want to let go but cannot, they suffer. When people really let go, life is much more relaxed and free.
I have one colleague that in the past I did not clarify the truth to. Although I talked to her before, she just wouldn't withdraw from the CCP. In a few days, she would be transferred to another department. One day I suddenly thought that I must help her understand. There must be a reason that she and I had worked together for many years. I must save her. I said to her earnestly, "Please withdraw from the CCP. If someday you are pushed to the edge of destruction because you did not withdraw from the CCP, I would be very, very sad because I did not fulfill my duty. We have been together for so long, and you still don't understand. I didn't do enough!" I said it from bottom of my heart as if my heart was truly worried for her. She must have felt that I really wanted her to be well. She finally withdrew from the CCP. Our righteous thoughts can change everyday people.
Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.:"
"As I've said, everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts."
I think people's reluctance to withdraw from the CCP is also a true reflection of our xinxing. Because we all have many attachments that we have not gotten rid of, we are still interfered with by our human notions. We have not met the requirement of the Fa at our levels. We are not at the level where we can truly realize the sacred mission we are shouldering. Therefore, we are not diligent in the three things and we are being tied down by all sorts of attachments.
In fact, this is still an issue within personal cultivation. When you don't have so much attachment, you will be purer and your level will be higher, and there will be less interference when doing the three things. When you reach that level, you will do the best you can. I often think: "What would I do if I were a compassionate god today?" Teacher asked us to cultivate ourselves so that we are selfless and only think of others. Did I behave accordingly? A protector of the universe would give up his own life for the beings of the universe. If I were in that position, would I be able to do it? If I were a pure and great god, my first thought should be: "I am the only hope for these people to know the truth and recognize the nature of the CCP. I must make them understand, no matter what method I use."
In fact, many practitioners are not doing so well. That is a direct connection between raising one's level and studying the Fa. How well we do in the three things and how much effort we put in is directly related to our own level. It is possible when one understands the Fa at different levels and one's level elevates that it will be reflected in how much effort one puts in doing the three things. That's what I said when some practitioners complained to me about others. Because we are at different levels, it manifests in different states when it comes to doing the three things. Therefore, it is very, very important for us to study the Fa. Teacher always tells us to study the Fa more every time he talks with us, but some practitioners still do not pay attention to it. When we are doing the three things, it also includes elements of improving ourselves.
We are one body. If you cannot make truth-clarification materials, you can distribute them. You can clarify the truth to people face-to-face. You can make phone calls. You can send faxes. You can broadcast truth-clarifying videos via TV signals. You can transfer materials, coordinate, get on the Internet, and collect useful information. These are all powerful. As long as we put our hearts in it, we will be able to save more sentient beings. Usually it is because we have attachments and we cannot treat them with righteous thoughts, and thus we become indolent.
Sometimes I hear practitioners making excuses, saying, "That's the old forces' interference." I want to ask, "Why do the old forces interfere with you? Why can the old forces interfere with you?" Although we do not acknowledge the existence of the old forces, it does not mean we can be relaxed about our own improvement. There are elements for us to improve through encountering the interference.
I had a dream a few days ago. I dreamed of standing in front of a huge Buddha, and there are many people standing in front of me. My heart told me that everything was about to end. I thought to myself: "Among all the people in front of me, whom I have clarified the truth to, and whom have I not?" Suddenly I felt uncontrollable sadness from the depth of my heart. I said, "What do I do? They are going to be destroyed. What do I do?" I broke down and cried. I woke up crying. The tears on my face made the dream feel so real and it made me work harder to fulfill my responsibility.
I hope every practitioner can pay attention to his/her own improvement, be able to take on the responsibility that Teacher gave us, make best use of time, and do well in the three things.
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