(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Dafa relatively late. When the persecution started, my understanding of Fa was still very shallow and limited. Many people around me stopped practicing when faced with persecution. Only some continued. At the time, I thought that I continued because I fully believed in Teacher and the Fa.
For several years, while validating the Fa, I was imprisoned and suffered financial losses due to persecution. I made mistakes, but I continued to study the Fa and practice the exercises. I still thought that I resolutely believed in Teacher and the Fa. However, several local practitioners who had started practicing before me did not suffer as much tribulation as I did; I thought I was diligent and steadfast. I did not understand that my tribulations were caused by my lack of diligence. Suddenly last year, I realized that my belief in Teacher and Fa was not complete. I was disheartened by what I enlightened to.
I am in my fifties. I have only one daughter who was born when I was in my thirties. So, I loved her very much and was very attached to her. She also practices Falun Dafa, but she works far away. I worried about her every day. Thus, I called her or sent her instant messages via computer every day. Some times I sent her up to nine messages per day. Such a strong attachment! Yet, I did not notice at all.
Last year, through studying the Fa and memorizing the Fa, I enlightened to this attachment. My daughter cultivates Dafa, and she has Teacher's law body protecting her. Yet, I worried about her daily. Doesn't that mean that I did not truly believe in Teacher and the Fa? At least, in this matter, I did not truly believe--I instead believed in myself. Even everyday people say, "Water from far cannot help thirst close by." If she had a sudden problem, what could I have done being at such a distance? Teacher treats every student as a disciple. Teacher's law body is next to all disciples. I had a strong attachment and worried about unnecessary issues, which only left loopholes for the old forces to take advantage of.
It really was like that. When I visited my daughter, I saw that she rarely studied the Fa and did not practice the exercises either. I was worried more and nagged her every day. I did not realize that it was my sentimentality that was pulling her down. When I saw that she did not listen to me, I stepped back and reflected: not all practitioners' children cultivate Dafa. She used to cultivate, and we went to Beijing together and validated the Fa. She will have a good future. Later, through Fa study, I stopped worrying about her. I concentrated on my own cultivation. I did my best in doing the three things. Sometimes, I still thought that I was finally able to feel relaxed about my daughter. At the time, I did not yet realize that I had some conditions to my peace of mind. Though, I had improved somewhat.
One day, when I was studying the Fa, I realized that my fears about my daughter were indeed rooted in not truly believing in Teacher and Dafa. I was shocked and felt guilty. How disrespectful I was to have reservations toward Teacher and Fa! And this was mainly caused by sentimentality. This sentiment is filthy and dangerous. On one side, it pulled my daughter down, and on the other side, it kept me from moving up.
Once I enlightened to this aspect of the problem, it was easier to overcome the situation. As I mentioned, I used to send her up to nine messages per day. Now, I do not think to send her one message in nine days. I feel so light in my heart. I no longer feel tired in my mind, and my physical body also changed. I feel much younger now, and do not feel tired when going upstairs or working. Doing the three things also became smoother. I truly experienced "Light are the boats, quick the travel with attachments cast aside" (Hong Yin Volume II , "Self-Evident is the Heart," Translation A)
Once I rid myself of the attachment, my daughter restarted studying the Fa, doing the exercises and doing the three things. From this experience, I enlightened that believing in Teacher and the Fa must not stop at a superficial level. Only when we truly believe from within, our hearts are then with the Fa, and within our cultivation state we will experience "After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!" (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Nine, 2000 translation) The difference between "believing" and "truly believing" is like the difference between heaven and earth.
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