(Clearwisdom.net) In the past three weeks, I have repeatedly missed part of the morning Falun Gong group exercise because I got up late. I have set alarms on my three mobile phones and adjusted the volume to the highest setting, but I either failed to hear the alarms or turned them off and went back to sleep. When I finally got up, there was only enough time to practice the sitting meditation. Sometimes there was less than an hour of time for practicing the sitting meditation before it was time to send forth righteous thoughts. After sending forth righteous thoughts, I had only 30 minutes to practice the standing exercises before I had to get breakfast and go to work. Occasionally, when I did get up on time in the morning, I felt terribly sleepy at work. The next morning I would miss the alarm and morning practice again. I felt very frustrated with myself. However did I become so lazy?
I had a dream yesterday morning in which I saw two armies engaging in a deadly battle. Both sides suffered a great loss of lives and severe injuries. I stood watching their battle nonchalantly when a flood suddenly washed away both dead bodies and living soldiers. Then there came a voice questioning me, "Why didn't you go rescue them?" I replied, "They were destined to die." These words came out of my mouth right away. Then I woke up feeling shocked and no longer sleepy. It was 3:50 a.m. I immediately got out of bed and practiced the five exercises.
That morning, I felt very regretful whenever I thought of the dream. Whenever I considered myself to be doing one of the three things well, I would become complacent with myself and used my small accomplishments to hide my problems. Sometimes I even had such a ridiculous idea: I may not be the best cultivator, but I am at least better than some. In terms of clarifying the truth to people and persuading them to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its two affiliated organizations, I would become complacent once I reached the daily minimum quota I set up for myself and start paying less attention to those trying to approach me. Sometimes I even pushed them away with the excuse that I was busy. In addition, I had the notion that it would be easier to persuade a complete stranger to withdraw from the CCP than friends and colleagues. Consequently, many of my colleagues, old classmates and friends have not withdrawn from the CCP because I did not make enough effort to talk to them. I consoled myself with the thought that other practitioners would approach them some day. I had regarded saving sentient beings as a job to be done. I didn't do it out of selflessness or altruism. The dream manifested my selfishness and nonchalance. No wonder I had never reached a zenith in my personal cultivation practice. When I searched outward to improve my cultivation state, I had already missed the point of cultivation practice.
Yesterday I made up my mind to rectify my cultivation so as not to have any regret in the future. Two clients visited my office. I clarified the truth to both of them and persuaded them to withdraw from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. In addition, I finally made up my mind to clarify the truth to my department manager. In the past I worried that he might report me to his supervisor. Little did I expect to learn that he had received many Falun Gong truth-clarification materials. He had wanted to withdraw from the CCP for a long time, but he didn't know how. When he excitedly told me a long litany of the CCP's crimes, I almost burst into tears.
This morning I woke up on time at 3:50 a.m. and practiced all five exercises, feeling sharp and alert. While practicing the sitting meditation, I didn't think of the pain. I had but one thought: I must not put my legs down as long as the exercise music is playing.
I must not slack off or become nonchalant as long as the Fa-rectification period is not over.
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