(Clearwisdom.net) I have been able to come through many hardships, whether while imprisoned or at home, since the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Gong on July 20, 1999. So why do I still have attachments to the human world, especially to resentment, competitiveness, suspicion, and jealousy? I looked inwards and realized I had been studying the Fa as a formality, but not learning it from my heart. When there was a problem, I looked outside for gaps in others but not inwards for my own shortcomings. Sometimes I was impetuous and was rushing to get rid of an attachment, and as a result, I became anxious and feared that I would not be able to go back home with Teacher if I could not let go of all my attachments soon enough.
I encountered interference. I did not try to get rid of my attachments, but just endured the interference silently. I did not talk about the interference I was experiencing. I wanted to hide it for fear that others would say that I still had a lot of attachments even though I had cultivated for so many years. The old forces took advantage of this gap in me. I started to have symptoms of an illness. A month ago, some facial nerves became numb and I lost feeling in half of my face. My eyes and mouth were contorted and my whole body felt wrong. I knew it was interference by the evil. I did not acknowledge it. I did the exercises as usual, then sent forth righteous thoughts, and went out to clarify the truth about Falun Gong to save people. I met a fellow practitioner at the market. He said that my symptoms resembled those of a stroke. He encouraged me not to acknowledge the illness. I knew that I would be OK and this was just interference from the evil factors. They were trying to prevent me from doing the three things, sending righteous thoughts, and clarifying the truth.
I completely rejected the persecution and interference by the old forces. I never missed a day of Fa study or truth clarification. I kept doing everything as usual. A week later, my face returned to normal! The practitioner I met told me that he was concerned about me and had sent forth righteous thoughts for me. This month-long experience made me realize that cultivation is very serious and we can't take any attachments to Heaven. We need to listen to Teacher, calm down when studying the Fa, and study the Fa more and more to get rid of all human attachments and do the three things well.
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