(Clearwisdom.net) Yesterday, a fellow practitioner told me that she had begun to have a serious problem with me. The problem was making it so difficult for her to communicate with me that she no longer wanted to share cultivation issues with me. She said that I was rarely expressing my own point of view. Whenever there was a problem, I would say that I shouldn't have done this, or I should have done that, or that Teacher had said this and that about this issue, or that fellow practitioners had done things this way according to Clearwisdom.net. Whatever the issue, large or small, I would always refer to what others had done. This practitioner also said that whenever she would share with me, she felt that I was examining myself, that I was lecturing her, or that I was showing off how much I had studied the Fa (although I truly don't have the mentality of showing off). All in all, the feeling I was giving others was not good.
After I heard this, I felt as if I had been hit over the head with a stick. Lately I had felt that my cultivation state was pretty good; I would look inside myself when faced with a problem, and I would expose my attachments when sharing with other practitioners. I thought that this would allow me to elevate myself, but I didn't realize that I was causing problems for other practitioners. After careful reflection, I decided that my problem was a serious one. Why was it that after I gave my own opinion on something, I would discuss how practitioners on Clearwisdom had dealt with the same issue? Usually, the examples I gave were from practitioners whose understandings were similar to mine, or from sharings that had benefited me. That's why fellow practitioners felt that I would never express my own opinion, only others' opinions, as if I had no thoughts of my own. I realized that I had been using the practitioners on Clearwisdom to confirm my own thinking in order to convince others that my opinions were correct. But we should take the Fa as teacher during cultivation, to act according to the Fa and not simply imitate other practitioners. The articles written by practitioners are only for sharing and encouragement; they do not provide guidance on the Fa. Teacher said, "If you want to be a practitioner, it all depends on cultivating your heart and on you, yourself being enlightened since there are no role models" (Zhuan Falun). It's all about using the Fa as teacher.
I have also encountered a misunderstanding about the idea of taking the Fa as teacher. Usually when I have an issue, I will remember a portion of Teacher's Fa so that I can examine myself and compare my issue to what Teacher had said. But why is it that I never accomplished anything? I tried to do things according to the Fa, but I did not do them very well. I would spend a great deal of time on the same problem. Every day, my mouth would recite Teacher's Fa, but my actions would be different. After a while, other practitioners said that I talked too much and did too little. Now that I think about it, they were right. I would think that I had exposed the problem as I recited a part of Teacher's Fa. But deep in my heart, I only wanted to prove to others that even though I had this problem, I was still a diligent practitioner. I was clear about how to do things according to the Fa, but in practice, I was accomplishing nothing. I feel that I have already tried hard, but I still haven't reached the standard. The basic problem is that I haven't cultivated solidly.
In the future, I will endeavor to say less, do more, and truly cultivate myself. This is my personal understanding, I hope fellow practitioners will kindly point out any inaccuracies or deficiencies.
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