(Clearwisdom.net) I am a 70-year-old Falun Dafa practitioner. I started the practice in 1997. It was most painful for me to read other practitioners' experience sharing articles because time and time again, I had failed to finish writing my own sharing. A month ago, I had a dream that practitioners were preparing for an examination, but I did not want to participate because I had not revised the lessons. After having that dream and having read related Clearwisdom articles that encouraged practitioners to share their cultivation experiences, just a couple of days ago, I decided to share about my experiences regarding sickness karma and human attachments.
Before practicing Falun Gong, I was riddled with abnormal physical conditions. I was suffering with lumbar vertebra 2-5 Ossian proliferations and also proliferations of the shinbone. I was also suffering from sciatica and had been for the last 20 odd years. I also suffered from cervical vertebra syndrome and bursitis in my shoulder. All these stubborn conditions quickly dissipated when I started practicing Dafa. I also put on nearly four and a half pounds, and my skin became very delicate. People would comment that I looked 20 years younger than my contemporaries. I knew that this was due to my practice of Dafa. At the height of the persecution, in the spring of 2002, I suddenly experienced a new form of sickness karma. After breakfast one morning, my heart just stopped beating, my face turned icy cold, and my lips pale. I thought I was going to die. It was a very human thought. In all the time of my cultivation, my one and only desire was to see Teacher once before I died. My husband was terrified and even suggested that maybe we should inform our children. I disagreed because I didn't know how to let them know that I was dying or reaching consummation. When I realized how panic-stricken my husband was, my thoughts changed immediately. I realized that I mustn't die as it would have a negative effect on Dafa. Everybody knew I was a Dafa practitioner and those unrighteous people would certainly slander Dafa and attribute my death to practicing Dafa.
I then decided to send forth righteous thoughts. Three hours later, the sickness karma disappeared. It was certainly a life and death situation. It was like being in a bad dream. At that time, I hadn't realized that it was the old forces that were taking advantage of my lack of Fa study and lack of sending forth righteous thoughts.
Just before March 2008, I experienced two more instances of life-threatening sickness karma. However, I was very calm and didn't think of death. I sent forth righteous thoughts and asked Teacher for help to cleanse the evil in the other dimensions that manipulated and persecuted me. I am a student of our Teacher and only our Teacher can decide whether I live or die. Soon after sending forth righteous thoughts at the designated time of 12 o'clock, my sickness karma disappeared.
Due to my immense trust in Teacher and the Fa, I am not afraid of death anymore. I realized that not being afraid of death is a Buddha's thought, but then Buddha doesn't suffer from any sickness karma, so these instances of sickness karma must be due to the old forces persecuting me!
After having gone through all these episodes of sickness karma, I decided to really examine myself and look within. The most difficult attachment to discard was human sentimentality. My cultivation path had been relatively smooth and envied by some practitioners. My family had always supported my practice, including financially. They had renounced their Chinese Communist Party (CCP) memberships in 2005 and had assisted other people to withdraw from the Party. Then why was I still unable to get rid of my human attachments? I had often found fault with my spouse and my employees over very petty things. I was dissatisfied with everything. In 2000, I had decided to go and live with my son and his family to avoid being persecuted. While there, I constantly harassed them and bossed them around. Each time after it happened I was very remorseful because I knew that I wasn't behaving like a Dafa practitioner should. I would then vow to do my best not to be critical and be more tolerant. In the four years I was there, I neglected my Fa-study, my exercise practice, and truth clarification work. I did realize that if I continually neglected doing those things, my cultivation would suffer. In 2005, after sharing with fellow practitioners, I decided to move back home. I had realized that I was holding on to my attachment of sentimentality towards my family, and I needed to consciously let go.
Not long ago, my attachment to human sentimentality was exposed again. My son was having marital problems and I was sympathizing with my daughter-in-law and feeling sorry for my grandson. I was totally consumed by their problems. I knew that the attachment to sentimentality toward family would weigh down and entangle my heart. I then started to recite:
"Live with no pursuit,
Die not caring about staying;
Clear out all wild thoughts,
Cultivating to a Buddha is not hard."
("Nonexistence" from Hong Yin)
However, I knew that my attachment to sentimentality was still there, because the old forces were persecuting me. Actually Teacher had said:
"You are unable to interfere with lives of others and neither can you control others' fates, including those of your wife, sons, daughters, parents or brothers. Can you decide those things?" (Zhuan Falun)
I then enlightened to the fact that I must face the truth of my son and daughter-in-law's divorce by discussing it with them. Only then was I able to go with the course of nature. With my own husband, I realized that I should concentrate more on his good qualities than his bad ones. When one encounters a tribulation, one must look within, endure, cultivate diligently, and eliminate all evils and thoroughly disintegrate the wicked Party's culture that is poisoning us.
In conclusion, I would like to kindly remind all elderly fellow practitioners that if you are suffering from sickness karma, don't try to identify what it is or consult a doctor and have a prescription filled. If you do, the sickness karma will manifest as a sickness and then you won't be able to let go of the notion that you have this or that sickness. In other words, if you ask for a sickness, you will most likely get sick. This could create interference in your cultivation and have a bad effect on Dafa at the same time. We need to have complete trust in Teacher and the Fa, cultivate our xinxing well, sever all desires, do the three things well, denounce the old forces' arrangements, and walk steadfastly the path Teacher has designated for each of us.
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