(Clearwisdom.net) Although I do the three things daily, I often forget the Fa principle of looking inward and cultivating inward. Whenever I encountered a tribulation and I needed to pass a test, I did not validate Falun Dafa with my true self, but used my human notions to distinguish right from wrong. I felt wronged.
Several months ago, I suffered serious sickness. My hands were numb and my arms ached. I could not finish the second exercise, and also could not hold the hand gesture of 'large lotus flower' for five minutes during righteous thoughts. I made a promise to Master while crying, "Whether it is eliminating karma, or the persecution of the old forces, neither should affect my sending forth righteous thoughts. I will deny this state totally, and just do what I should do and firmly hold my righteous thoughts to deny all of this." Afterwards, I could do the second exercise, but I still had some resistance in sending forth righteous thoughts. My arms and hands ached and were numb. This was more evident during the Olympic Games, when I was sending forth righteous thoughts with fellow practitioners for forty minutes at a time. After I had finished, my hands would be completely numb. I still kept on sending forth righteous thoughts every hour, eliminating evil beings and factors that persecute Falun Dafa and its practitioners. I maintained the thought that since my cultivation path is arranged by Teacher, nothing could change me or my mind. Thus the symptoms lessened, and I could finish sending forth righteous thoughts each time.
Teacher gave me hints in my dream. The place where I grew onions two years ago became a road, but the onions kept growing with light green leaves and in a line. I realized that Teacher was giving me hints and encouraging me to pass another test.
A while back, I had a conflict with my husband, who is also a practitioner. On my way home one day, I bought two pastries. Since I was hungry, I started to eat when I got back home. I knew my husband would be hungry, so I left a pastry for him. After a while, he came back. When he saw that I had eaten without him, he was upset. He uttered some unpleasant words. At that time, another fellow practitioner was also at my home and witnessed the scene. I thought I had cultivated well since I did not argue back.
I was not holding myself to the high requirements of a cultivator. Although I was not fighting back, I could not let it go in my mind. I did not upgrade at all. As a cultivator, one should have "no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy." ("Realms", Essentials for Further Advancement) I did not pass this test well. Another incident happened the next night. My daughter's room has a door that is equipped to have double layers. Since it was getting cold, my daughter asked her father to put the second layer on. Since there was a lot of dust on the door, he held the door and asked me to clean it. I said, "Let's do it tomorrow and do it thoroughly." He got angry and started shouting. Reacting to him I said, "Why should I do everything as you say?"However, I went ahead and cleaned the door. He kept on complaining and got very angry. Seeing his behavior, I laughed. However, he became angrier and insulted me. I thought, "Why does he behave like this, getting angry at such a trivial thing? I should look inward."
When I failed a test, another one would follow. I thought about why I was laughing at him when he was angry. It was not compassion, but bad human notions. As my righteous thoughts came out, his anger went away immediately as if nothing had happened. What happened in the past two days was related to my xinxing. I had to look inward and cultivate myself. Whatever happens to me is related to me.
The next morning during breakfast, I remembered again the unfair things which happened between my husband and me. Since I had not completely given up various emotions like attachments to competition, hatred, anger, jealousy and selfishness, they came to test me again. I had cultivated for six years, but still had a tendency of protecting my self-interest. I sent forth righteous thoughts, rejecting and disintegrating it. It was not my true self, but various notions and a false sense of self. After distinguishing right from wrong, I was clear again. I "poured the dirty things out of the bottle", and upgraded my xinxing. The distance between me and my fellow practitioners has been eliminated. I felt very happy.
Encountering conflicts is a good opportunity to upgrade our xinxing. We should cultivate our own minds solidly. Cultivators should consider things in reverse of what ordinary society does. Misfortunes are good things. The laws inside the three realms are the opposite of the universal truths.
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Category: Improving Oneself
