(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Dafa in November 1998. At that time I was only focused at the perceptual level and did poorly in maintaining Fa study. Though I did the exercises and recited Lunyu every day, I did not cultivate my xinxing very well. My behavior was far from the standard of a cultivator and I really did not understand what cultivation was. After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Gong on July 20, 1999, I did not dare to go out to validate the Fa as I was afraid and wanted to protect myself from being hurt by the CCP. I did not know what it meant to validate the Fa or how to do it. I just told my friends and relatives that Falun Dafa is good and clarified the truth to them from my perceptual understanding. I was mainly by myself and rarely talked to other practitioners. Until I got in touch with practitioners in 2003 and read Teacher's Fa lectures and articles written after the persecution began, I gradually understood that Dafa disciples had been in the Fa-Rectification cultivation period since July 1999. I thought I was cultivating in Dafa, but actually I was not doing it in the right way. I realized that I needed to catch up with Teacher's Fa-rectification process.
Studying the Fa Is the Most Important Thing
I knew the number one thing was to study the Fa. I did read Zhuan Falun before. But when I read the book, I could not concentrate, and I kept thinking about other things. I did not remember much after reading through the book. I was worried. I knew that my xinxing had not elevated much. Other practitioner's articles encouraged me to memorize the book so that I could recall the Fa to direct my cultivation any time. In March 2006, I started memorizing the Fa. I overcame many kinds of interference, including bad memory, eye fatigue, and feeling sleepy. Since then, I have finished reciting the book twice and I am working on a third run. I feel that reciting the Fa has changed me a lot both physically and spiritually. I can calm down and have fewer distracting thoughts while studying the Fa. And I have a better and deeper understanding of the Fa. Dafa continuously cleanses my bad thoughts and fixes my old notions. "Fear" was a big challenge for me. Through reciting and studying the Fa, I realized that I would not break free from the mindset of a human if I could not get rid of fear. As I kept studying and reciting the Fa, I felt that Teacher took out a lot of the bad materials of fear in me. I gradually joined other practitioners to clarify the truth about Falun Gong and tell people to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations.
Sending Righteous Thoughts Diligently Makes My Righteous Thoughts Stronger
I did not have much confidence about myself when I first started sending righteous thoughts because I did not see or feel anything and my enlightenment quality was poor. So I only did it on and off. After reading Teacher's article "The Effect of Righteous Thoughts" many times, I realized that sending righteous thoughts clears away the damage the old forces deliberately do to the Fa-rectification, and thereby lessens what Dafa disciples endure during the persecution, while it saves all sentient beings and harmonizes Dafa. I started sending righteous thoughts diligently. Teacher also gave me some encouragement.
Once, I saw a large poster about the CCP's accomplishments hanging high in the street. I said to myself, "It is no accident that I am seeing this. I should send righteous thoughts to eliminate the poster so it will not poison people." I sent a thought quietly and purely, "Eliminate the evil poster that the CCP uses to poison people. Make the rope break." I sent these righteous thoughts twice, for five minutes each time. The next morning, I saw that one of the ropes had broken but the banner was still hanging up there as it was attached to an electric pole. Only the CCP posters had been affected. I then sent another thought to make the rope break in the middle. The next day, this poster was taken down and a rickshaw man used the rope on his cart. I witnessed what Teacher has told us, "Cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master" (Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation). Teacher did the work and used it to encourage me. I had a lot more confidence about sending righteous thoughts after that. I worked with several practitioners to send righteous thoughts to eliminate Jiang Zemin's picture on the gate of our local county government building and it worked.
Therefore, I would send righteous thoughts before I went out to distribute truth-clarification materials, post truth-clarification posters, or use truth-clarification money. I also kept sending righteous thoughts while doing those things. My fear gradually disappeared. Now I send righteous thoughts at the four global times, at our region's special times, and when we gather for Fa study. My righteous thoughts are becoming stronger and stronger.
Changing the Family Cultivation Environment
My husband and I started cultivation at the same time. However, since July 20, 1999, he stopped cultivating because he was deeply poisoned by the CCP and had a lot of fear. He tried to stop me too. In early 2000, the police from our local police station ransacked our home. I hid our Falun Dafa books and materials, so the police did not find them. As I was not at home, the police took my husband to the police station, asking him where I was. When he was allowed to go home, he burned all the Dafa books and materials. He told me that he had put the books in a relative's home for safekeeping. Later, I found out what he had done. He said that he was afraid that I would be imprisoned, tortured, and deprived of my pension if the police found the books. He did not allow me to interact with other practitioners. He controlled my communications and even followed me when I went out. Whenever he found Teacher's new articles or Dafa materials, he would destroy them. He refused to listen to me and was afraid when I did the exercises at home. I felt like I had been put into a solitary cell in my own home.
In 2003, with help from a practitioner from another city, I was able to get some Dafa books. I could not let my husband see me studying the Fa. I talked with other practitioners about how to change my environment. I realized that what was happening was caused by my attachments that were manifesting through my husband. The more scared I felt, the more strictly he controlled me. My fear strengthened his crimes against Dafa. I had to let go of my selfishness and fear of being arrested, tortured, deprived of my pension, etc. I said to myself that I needed to cultivate openly. I said to my husband, "I am cultivating the most righteous Fa, and I intend to continue to cultivate. Nobody can stop me." He said, "If you continue, you will lose your life, which will hurt our children and me." I said, "For my belief, I will not regret giving up my life because my true life is saved forever. It is not me but the evil lives and bad people who persecute our family and me."
I have clarified the truth to my husband many times over the past several years. I was also very careful about my own cultivation, took care of the housework, and cared for him when he was sick. Gradually he saw the big changes in me that Dafa brings to people. He no longer asked me to stop practicing. However, he was still concerned that cultivating Dafa was participating in politics. I watched several relevant truth-clarification videos with him. After watching "Mao: The Unknown Story," he understood the CCP's crooked, villainous nature. He finally quit the CCP after hearing many truths and listening to Dafa's Law. Teacher's benevolence saved his life. From then on, when I come home late after doing the three things, he has taken care of the housework. He reminds me to send forth the righteous thoughts at the scheduled times.
Because I did not get rid of my fundamental attachments, I became sluggish in my cultivation as my home environment improved. Then some interference happened and I failed because my righteous thoughts were not strong. Recently the police from our local police station came to my home and I complied with their orders to sign a statement renouncing my belief. I was very regretful, feeling that I was hopeless and did not deserve to be a Dafa disciple.
With help from other practitioners, I realized that even though I did not do well according to Dafa's standards, I should not be trapped by the old force's trickery. Nor should I keep blaming myself and giving up on myself. I should look inside to find my fundamental attachments and get rid of selfishness, make saving sentient beings the top priority, rectify my every thought in Dafa, make sure every sentence and every action is on the cultivation path arranged by Teacher, integrate saving sentient beings in everything in my life, and live up to Teacher's expectations.
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