(Clearwisdom.net) I was a teacher, and one of my students went on to work at the same school where I taught. Both of us retired around 1990. A few years ago, we arranged to meet, and she told me that she had organized an after-school writing class in her home. She had many students and was earning a lot of money. I felt uneasy as I listened to her. Later, I realized that I was jealous. From then on, I kept adding a thought about getting rid of my jealousy when sending forth righteous thoughts. I thought that all of my attachment to jealousy had already been eliminated.
After Clearwisdom published "A Compilation of Articles Related to Eliminating the Attachment of Jealousy" (http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2008/1/28/93737.html), I read all the articles at once. These articles were mirrors that let me see myself, inside and outside. I studied Teacher's Fa about jealousy again (The Seventh Talk, Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation):
"Jealousy is very serious, because it directly impacts whether we can cultivate to Perfection."
"...a person who doesn't get rid of jealousy while cultivating cannot achieve a True Fruition-he definitely won't achieve a True Fruition."
"But that's definitely not possible if you don't get rid of your jealousy."
With a heavy hammer, Teacher's Fa pounded my heart open and let me look at myself again: Had I completely eliminated my attachment of jealousy? The answer was...no! Not only did I have this attachment, but it was also very severe.
After finding my attachment to jealousy, I also found many other attachments, such as a show-off mentality, competition, fear, lust, pursuit, seeking comfort, selfishness, and desire. I had displayed many of these attachments unknowingly. For example, I would feel very proud when other people admired the good health that I had attained through Falun Dafa. When several retired people working new jobs became ill, I was not sympathetic, and I thought that their pursuit of fame and self-interest caused their trouble. I felt that I had superior insight and was thus better than others. When I observed fellow practitioners making major advances in cultivation, I asked Teacher to give me some more abilities and advancements. As for the attachment to lust, my heart would suddenly beat faster when I noticed a handsome man.
A very severe attachment of mine was fear, which for a long time had prevented me from going out to distribute truth-clarification materials about Falun Gong. I only clarified the facts about Falun Gong to friends and relatives. I feared both being arrested and having conflicts with my family. My attachment to jealousy thus became even more severe.
My mother passed away in 2006. All my siblings and I went back home for her funeral. After the funeral, my younger brother, who had lived with my mother, gave each of us a bag of food. My younger sister received a much larger bag than I did. My jealousy and attachments to pride, fame, and self-interest all exploded. I could not hold back my tears. There had been other examples, but I had not taken them seriously.
Teacher said, "Because jealousy is really intense in China, so intense it's become natural, and people can't sense it in themselves anymore." "If jealousy isn't eliminated, all the thoughts you've cultivated become fragile." (The Seventh Talk, Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation) Teacher's words targeted my problem directly. I started to wake up. After so many years of cultivation, I was still in this state! I felt ashamed and not worth Teacher's benevolence and salvation.
With so many attachments, I was taken advantage by the old forces and was very sick for a month. I almost did not recover. I had strong fears then, and I was worried that I had some strange disease. And I was also afraid that my sickness would create a negative impression of Dafa for the people around me, but the more afraid I was, the sicker I became. It was Teacher's Fa that finally woke me up:
"You're a practitioner, so if you always think it's a health problem you're actually asking for it--you are asking for that problem, and now it's able to set in. To be a practitioner your character has to be high. Don't always be afraid that it's a health problem. Fearing that it's a health problem is an attachment in itself, and it can bring you trouble just the same. In cultivation you need to eliminate karma, and eliminating karma is painful--how on earth could you increase gong in total comfort! And how else could you get rid of your attachments?" (The Sixth Talk, Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation)
I had read this Fa many times; why was I was still so unclear? This was a question of whether or not I really understood the Fa. Thus, I calmed down and looked inwards. I asked myself, "As a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple, have I done well the three things?" Compared to other practitioners, I was far behind, especially regarding truth-clarification. "What should I do? I must be strict with myself. I should not stay in bed and acknowledge the 'illness.' I should go out to clarify the truth, distribute the truth-clarification materials, and reject the old force's arrangement." Under Teacher's protection and with my family's help, I distributed truth-clarification materials on the street for several days in the freezing cold. My illness disappeared.
Via this experience I further realize that:
1. We must study the Fa with our hearts. Being able to read or recite the Fa does not mean we can act according to the Fa. Reading without understanding does not help in elevating one's xinxing. I started reciting the Fa even before the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Gong on July 20, 1999, so why do I still have so many attachments? It was because my Fa study was superficial, and I did not understand the subtle meanings of Dafa. Teacher said, "Our discipline focuses directly on your mind." ("Loss and Gain," The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation).
"The whole process of cultivation is a process of constantly getting rid of human attachments." ("Truly Guiding People Up to High Levels," The First Talk, Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation).
Therefore, we should calm ourselves down to study the Fa and proactively look inwards. Whenever we find a problem within ourselves, we should fix it right away. Normally an attachment will not be completely eliminated the first go-round. It may resurface many times. Therefore, we need to continuously study the Fa and let go our attachments until we reach Consummation. Therefore, Teacher repeatedly has told us to study the Fa.
2. Any attachment does not exist by itself. All attachments are extensions of the attachments to fame, self-interest, and sentiment and essentially, all originate from "selfishness."
The example of attending my mother's funeral demonstrated my attachment to jealousy on the surface. However, deep inside, there were also attachments to fame, self-interest, and sentiment. At that time, I was thinking, "I helped my brother a lot when he was under stress. They were nice to me, too. But why have they changed? Isn't it because my sister is a doctor and can help them more? And my brother now feels that I can't help him any longer because I have been retired for 20 years?" I felt that I did not get enough respect from him, so I tried to take revenge. I refused to take his gift and went home with empty hands and in tears.
Such a simple incident exposed so many human attachments within me: jealousy, fame, self-interest, competition, pride, and so on. I thought so much about myself, but not for others. Where was my benevolent heart?
What should I do? I should study the Fa continuously, eliminate bad notions, follow Teacher's Fa-rectification process, and do well the three things so that I can purely and openly "follow your master to return, consummated." ("Destined Return for the Holy Fruition," "Hong Yin," Translation A).
March 14, 2008
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
