(Clearwisdom.net) Master told us on many occasions that as cultivators we should look inward whenever we meet with conflicts. But as a practitioner who has cultivated for the past ten years, I didn't fully understand the meaning of looking inward until today.
I am someone who likes to show off, and I get jealous easily. I tend to compete with others and I have many other attachments. I am in my forties, and before becoming a practitioner, I had many illnesses. I started practicing Falun Gong in 1998. Master purified my body and all my illnesses disappeared. From that moment, I vowed that I would be steadfast in my cultivation to the end, and have faith in Master and the Fa. I thought I had been very diligent for the past ten years, but I felt that however hard I tried, every three to five days Master would enlighten me to various loopholes in my cultivation.
Last night, a few words from my husband suddenly shook me awake. I had sternly told my husband, "For the past few days you have been slacking off again. You read very few pages of the Fa each day, and you only do one set of the exercises each day. How can you go on like this?"
My husband replied, "You think that because you spend more time studying the Fa and doing the exercises that you are better than me, but a practitioner should not act like that. You are focusing on the shortcomings of others. You should also try to see the virtues in others. I have not seen you observing the virtues in others and recognizing those who are better than you. I have never felt that I am better than you. I always felt that you were better than me. How about you? Do you always feel that you are better than others?"
After hearing these words, I reflected upon myself solemnly. Yes it is true. When have I admitted that others are better than I? Even if I were wrong, I looked for the flaws in others to cover up my own shortcomings, and I didn't allow others to criticize me. The moment I heard criticism I would lose my temper. I was like this before I started cultivation, but after taking up cultivation, how much have I really changed? For the past ten years I have always felt that my cultivation state was better than other practitioners. When I performed well, I exhibited a show-off mentality in front of my fellow practitioners. When I did badly, I found excuses for myself, and I feared that others would look down on me. When the situation was good, I would be gregarious and not watch what I said. When the situation was bad, I would have fear and slacken off in my truth clarifying efforts and efforts to persuade people to renounce their CCP membership.
Looking inward this time gave me a big shock. I have always felt that I was cultivating very well, so why do I still have so many bad elements? Why do I still argue with others over what is right and wrong? I believe it's because I haven't cultivated away the fundamental attachment to "self," and I am still selfish. When I meet with tribulations I think of myself first and am not compassionate in dealing with sentient beings, and thus there are conflicts.
I want to totally eliminate the element of selfishness from my dimensional field. From today on I must study the Fa more and learn to truly look inward. I will learn from other practitioners. I am very grateful for my husband's help during the past ten years. I am also grateful to those practitioners who maintain the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. I will listen to Master, try hard to keep up with the pace of Fa rectification and do the three things well.
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