(Clearwisdom.net) I have always considered myself very diligent in my cultivation. Aside from the three things Teacher asked us to do, I was extremely reluctant to do ordinary work. In addition, whenever I did not finish the goal I set for myself every day, I would feel bad. I was nervous and did not dare to stop. I felt as if I would lose something if I stopped. But I did not dig deep to find the reason. Rather, I thought that this could force me to be diligent. A fellow practitioner once reminded me that I was too attached to my personal cultivation and tried to hide my attachment. I did not pay attention and thought that "there was nothing wrong with being diligent."
Several days later, I shared experiences with this fellow practitioner again. He mentioned that people who will be left behind will have to bear lots of hardship before they can enter the new universe. I looked into his eyes and said, "I must cultivate to reach consummation. I will never be left behind." I was frightened by my strong attachment. He said immediately, "You must have an attachment. It is the fundamental attachment that made you start cultivation."
I recalled my cultivation path. Before I started practicing Falun Gong, I suffered hardships in ordinary society and often felt that life was hard. With the mindset of getting away from bitter ordinary society, I started practicing Falun Gong. In 2000, after I unfurled a banner in Tiananmen Square, I was taken to a detention center for several days and was tortured. When I saw the torture other practitioners had suffered, my heart of not being willing to bear hardship surfaced. I hid and studied the Fa at home after that. Because I did not keep up with the pace of Fa-rectification, I quickly dropped down to the level of ordinary people.
In 2006, I was shocked by the death of my mother-in-law. Witnessing her suffer miserably for three months, I was moved. I started to think, "Although I need to bear hardship if I practice Dafa, I can ultimately escape from the pain. To remain human, however, I must bear hardship endlessly because of accumulated karma." I then made up my mind to become resolute in my conviction to practice Falun Dafa. and to never be shaken. In the past two years, I was indeed very diligent. Fearing that it would interfere with my doing the three things, I was unwilling or dared not to work in ordinary society. Now I realize that this is not true cultivation. It is instead pursuing my own personal interests from within Dafa. In other words, I still have not given up my fundamental attachment to this day.
I am ashamed of myself, as fellow practitioners are whole-heartedly saving sentient beings in the Fa-rectification period. Many practitioners completely let go of their own selves and make Fa validation and saving sentient beings their priority. But I am still here with my filthy selfish thought.
Letting go of my fundamental attachment is a breakthrough on my cultivation path. I will eliminate my selfishness and truly melt into Dafa and become a Dafa particle. With a pure heart, I will do the three things well and live up to Teacher's compassionate salvation.
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Category: Improving Oneself
