(Clearwisdom.net) Early in 2006, a fellow practitioner asked me to go to a location to produce various materials to clarify the truth about the persecution. I did not dare to because at one time I had been persecuted and was not able to keep up with the Fa. I did not have the confidence and felt that other practitioners were better suited to do this.
One day I had a dream where I was in a two-room hut. There was a table in the living room and I was standing near the door. When I raised my head, I saw Master sitting at the table, looking at me with compassion. He looked dignified and serious. My heart was saying "Master," but I did not say it out loud. There was a lot of things I wanted to say, but I did not go over to tell him. I felt ashamed of what I had done and felt really uneasy. While battling between going over and staying, I gradually woke up. I did not like the dream but dared not think too much about it. Fear had taken over.
Fellow practitioners were telling me that I should go to a certain city to set up a materials production center. An older practitioner was willing to go with me and so we went. Upon arrival that evening, we sent forth righteous thoughts. There was lightning and thunder coming down at the time. My throat was itching, and I was coughing. It occurred to me that we must not acknowledge the arrangements of the old forces. I recalled the statement made by Teacher, "not even acknowledging the elimination of their ordeals' manifestations." (Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference). However, I was not very confident.
I thought about that dream quite a bit. I hope that all practitioners can accomplish what they are supposed to do. Otherwise, they will not be able to face Master. Fellow practitioners asked me to go to that city. Actually, I knew that it was Teacher's wish. I knew I should go there too, but was held back by fear. While I was hesitating, a fellow practitioner used excessively strong language on me, which led to me stepping back to look at the situation calmly. I started to check inside myself. I asked myself, "What is the purpose of my being here?" Why should I be afraid when I had the support of Teacher and I knew the Fa? A few days later, I made up my mind and discussed setting up a materials center with other practitioners. They were happy about my decision, and I was happy about it too.
With the help of fellow practitioners, we set up a materials center. To avoid possible loopholes, we stopped communication with practitioners not working on this project. For practitioners on this project we used one-way contact. We ate only instant noodles to save time and money. We did not care what we ate, as it did not make a difference. What was on our mind was how to maintain this center so that it could expand safely and how to make progress in our cultivation.
Shortly after, I had another dream. In a splendid and magnificent living room the Master was sitting in the seat of honor by a grand table, and I was sitting on the other side of the table facing him. We were talking happily. Behind me there were lots of people doing what they were supposed to do. After a while I gradually woke up. I felt very happy about this dream, knowing that I was doing the right thing. Master must have used this as a means of encouragement.
There was a time when I lost communication with a critical fellow practitioner, and I didn't know how to track him down. After a while, he contacted me and told me that he often dreamed of validating the Fa and saving sentient beings with me. It seems that whom we should be with, over what period of time, and what we should be doing, has all been pre-arranged.
For a period of time I had worried about how useless I was, why I had so much fear and how I could cultivate to a compassionate and selfless level.
After a while, fear gradually gained control over me. Wherever I went, I felt like someone was following me. The more I thought this way, the more I felt this way. It was "transformation follows mind intent." When I contemplated what kind of car was likely to follow practitioners, that kind of car appeared. The pressure on my mind was beyond description. I suspected that I could be arrested any time.
An excerpt from a cultivation story came to mind. The idea showed up, " If I have faith in Master, why not just follow him without question?" Then, I recalled another statement made by Master in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles",
"If your mind is unsteady, that means you are not meeting the standard to begin with, and prolonging the process won't lead to any changes. And if someone holds out for the purpose of saving face, that is adding attachments on top of attachments. In such cases there are only two choices: You either go to the hospital and thus give up on trying to overcome the test, or you completely let go of everything, behave like an upstanding and noble Dafa disciple who has no resentment or attachments, and leave it to Master to arrange whether you stay or go. When you are able to do that, you are a god."
I understood that I should "completely let go of everything, behave like an upstanding and noble Dafa disciple who has no resentment or attachments, and leave it to Master to arrange whether you stay or go." I was completely confident about this. Then, I recalled another statement made by Master in my dream, "Child, do not worry. You are by my side. Just do well in what you are supposed to do." My eyes were filled with tears. I should not let Master worry about me.
I continued to think over many, many points. My mind began to open up. I understood the proper relationship between personal cultivation and cultivation during Fa-rectification. At an earlier period, regardless how hard I cultivated, the idea of wanting to reach a certain status never left me. This idea belongs to the old universe, because it is selfish. In the past, I was striving toward "selflessness and altruism". This may be fine in the personal cultivation period, but more is expected during Fa-rectification. A cultivator's priority must not be for himself, but to assist the Master in Fa-rectification, save sentient beings, clarify the truth, expose the evil, do the three things and be a responsible individual towards fellow practitioners. Our job is to assimilate to the Fa and do what Master says. If there is a weakness, we should just correct it in accordance with the Fa. Everything seems so clear and simple. I feel like all the weight has been lifted from my mind.
Since then, regardless of how busy I am or how tired I get, I always study the Fa every day. By sending forth righteous thoughts and with guidance from Master, I have been able to do my part in saving sentient beings safely.
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