(Clearwisdom.net)
Letting Go of the Attachment to Personal Interests
My experience of practicing Falun Gong proved that it is Falun Gong that offered me a new life. Without Dafa and Teacher, I would not be the person I am today. When Dafa needed me, I gave up my business without hesitation. My daughter and I have devoted ourselves to Fa-rectification. For me, there was no other option. When our truth clarification material site started to operate, I worked hard with the conviction that I should contribute my efforts to Fa-rectification because I am a Dafa practitioner. I thought that there must be those who step out in advance of others, and I can pick up my business again when fellow practitioners improve their cultivation level as a whole body and would like to do Dafa work later.
As time passed, the money that we possessed diminished, and we had to save money from what it cost us to buy food and clothes. We had barely enough food or clothes to maintain the most meager existence. My daughter said to me, "Mom, do not accept clothes from other people anymore. You look really bad when you wear those clothes." Some of those clothes were quite fine for me, so I said to her, "This one looks fine on me. If I had to buy it, I'd need to pay." Then she said no more. After my daughter started to work, she always gave her salary to me and we spent almost all the money on our living expenses. One day, she was paid a salary of 1,000 yuan. She said to me joyously, "Mom, this is really good. Apart from the 400 yuan that we pay for our rent we still have 600 yuan left. That will be enough for the three of us." I was moved to tears by her words.
Some of my fellow practitioners paid quite a lot money for renovating their houses and for food and indulged themselves in their family all the time. Besides feeling regretful for their wasting precious time, I also felt a little envious of them when I compared myself to them. This feeling became especially strong when they bought new apartments. I was extremely afraid of being asked whether I had bought a new apartment. When this happened, I was overwhelmed by my attachments of pursuing fame and the unwillingness to be criticized by others. I even developed a feeling that it was more difficult to clarify the truth of Falun Gong to unfamiliar people. Such feelings lasted for quite a long period of time.
One day when I was on my computer, I saw by chance the picture of the shabby apartment where Teacher had lived in Changchun City. I suddenly enlightened: Teacher did not stop disseminating Dafa around this world because of the shabbiness of his accommodation. How could I not clarify the truth about Dafa to people simply because I did not have an apartment? All of a sudden, I let go of my attachment for a new apartment and my desire for money became lighter and lighter.
In late 2004, I read many articles on the Clearwisdom website about the establishment of small truth clarification material sites in China. I was engrossed by the thought, "This is good. When we set up our own small truth clarification material sites, I can have some spare time and pick up my business again." However, things did not go as I expected. After I set up a small material site and learned the necessary computer techniques, my workload was larger rather than smaller. I always said to myself, "The situation will improve soon. Let me get through this busy time and see how it goes next." Such a thought kept coming up for many years.
The thing that made me worried most was giving up my business because of my Dafa work. Teacher has taught practitioners to cultivate in accordance with normal society to the greatest extent. I was very suspicious of my cultivation status whenever I read such Fa lectures, not knowing what to do to meet the requirement of Dafa. After I read "Fa Teaching Given at the Fa Conference Marking the Tenth Anniversary of the Minghui Website's Founding" in which Teacher taught the Fa about the full-time work of fellow practitioners working for the Minghui website, such worry was gone.
Negating the Arrangements of the Old Forces
In my 12 years of cultivating Dafa, I have become a broadminded person who considers others before myself. Every day I am graced by the happiness and pride of practicing Falun Gong.
After I began to practice Falun Gong, I worked as a practitioner coordinator. In the beginning everything went very well in my coordination work in whatever we did. I never came across any xinxing conflicts with other practitioners. However, after more than a year, maybe it was time for me to improve my xinxing. Everything started to be at odds with me.
As time passed, more and more of my attachments were exposed. Because I was busy doing Dafa work all day, I could hardly spare time for Fa study, and I failed to cultivate myself well. The old forces took advantage of these loopholes, and my stubbornness and unwillingness to be criticized created distance between me and fellow practitioners. At that time I felt I was always right and had done everything that I was supposed to do. When I thought I was treated unfairly, I would be grief-stricken. In addition, my family affairs also put pressure on me. It was like the heavens had collapsed. I was overwhelmed by a dark energy so intense that I could hardly breathe. I felt everything was going against me and I could not find any chance to take a rest to placate my mind. It was such an agony. I warned myself, "The xinxing problems that I have are caused by my failure to look inside. I should never look outside to solve problems." I remembered the classic story that Teacher mentioned in his Fa lecture about Han Xin being humiliated by having to crawl between someone's legs. I came to understand that I should do the right thing despite what others might say against me. My ill feeling was exactly the manifestation of the attachment that I must let go of. Although I kept rectifying myself by measuring myself against Dafa and although my attachment was indeed less than before, I still had a feeling of being choked by something. It made me feel uncomfortable. What was the problem? After talking with a fellow practitioner, I suddenly realized that I had walked the path arranged by the old forces. I had tried to solve our contradictions by making a clear distinction between who was right and who was wrong. I would be agitated if I could not do so. It was clear that the old forces had taken advantage of the predestined relations between me and fellow practitioners and our failure to understand the Fa well. Their aim is to prevent us from assimilating to Dafa. Teacher said:
"you have no way to cultivate if you don't know the Law at high levels, and if you don't cultivate inward, if you don't cultivate your character, your gong won't increase. Those are the two reasons." (Zhuan Falun)
With these understandings, the ill feelings that had kept tangling me up were gone immediately. In place of them, I had a joyous feeling of brightness and comfort.
Looking back, the complaints and resentment that I used to have of my fellow practitioners and family members were gone. On the contrary, when looking at those fellow practitioners who firmly went through the persecution, I found they were really worthy of my respect.
Improving Together
My xinxing level has kept ascending over the past 10 years. But there are still attachments barely discernible deep in my mind, such as egoism, pursuit of fame, an aspiration to change others' points of view, a desire for rewards for what I did, and an unwillingness to be criticized by others. Teacher arranged many occasions for me to trace and remove them one by one.
A practitioner, the family member of one of my fellow practitioners, was arrested. My fellow practitioner was so worried about her relative that she could not maintain her cultivation state. She was irritable and did not accept any suggestions from others, let alone study the Fa with a peaceful mind. She planned to move to a new place, but no fellow practitioner dared to take her in, although they were very worried about her. She finally found me and wanted to rent an apartment with me. I had just moved to a new apartment about 40 square meters in size. With three people living there already, I could not spare any free space for her, so I declined without any hesitation. But afterwards, I reconsidered my decision. I had come across this matter not by chance, and she was seeking my help during hard times. I thought she might improve her cultivation state after a certain period of time, and her arrival would help us set up a Fa study group, so I decided to take her in to live with us.
I planned to take her to my temporary apartment so that we could do Dafa work and study the Fa together. To spare her more time for Fa study, I tried my best to help her do her project. In the meantime, I also talked with her about our cultivation experiences, anticipating that she might calm down to study the Fa. As such, we spent two busy months. Unexpectedly, after she came, she was so motivated by her human mind that she could not sit calmly for a single minute. She kept going here and there all the time and was usually at odds with other practitioners when she was not home. She never studied the Fa but disturbed me quite a lot. I felt very sorry for her.
One day, I had a hint from Teacher that "Compassion can harmonize Heaven and Earth, ushering in spring" ("The Fa Rectifies the Cosmos," Hong Yin Volume II). I suddenly realized that Teacher might have seen my unstable xinxing and was giving me a hint me to enlarge the capacity of my xinxing.
That practitioner could not continue to be like this, but how to get her to change? One day she asked me to do something for her, but I declined because I thought it was unnecessary. When I told her my opinion, she went into a rage, indicating that she knew I was mocking her when she was in dire straits. I was really upset by that. She had been in acute xinxing conflicts with me before, but I had offered my help to her when she had nowhere to go. Now she was not only not grateful but she also wanted me to obey her and would get angry and say such harsh words when I did not do what she wanted. I was so angry that I was not able to maintain my xinxing. I felt regretful when I thought of the Fa teachings. The next day she left with her things without letting me know. I was so remorseful that she left and thought she would never return. Three days later, however, she returned. I was relieved and warned myself that I should maintain my xinxing no matter what happened in the future.
Later, I underwent similar things twice. Teacher said:
"But, usually when a conflict comes along, if it doesn't provoke you, it doesn't count, it doesn't work, and you won't be able to improve from it." (Zhuan Falun)
After she returned, she made no concessions to me and said to me arrogantly, "I will not stay here for long. I will move out once I find new accommodations. I used to host a fellow practitioner in my home, too." Seeing her contempt for me, I felt unbalanced again. But I caught the ill thought immediately and tried to remove it. The next day, she did not study the Fa but asked me to do things out of her human attachments. I declined as before, and she went into a rage and started to speak harshly to me. I knew this was hitting my human attachment, but the demon nature that was beyond my control was proliferating in me and expanding in my head. I even felt my head swelling. Every word she said was like a sword stabbing into my heart and agitating my nerves. I sat down in a meditation position with the conviction that I would safeguard every single thought of mine so that I would not be carried away by her no matter what happened. I suppressed my impulse to look outward, "Today this matter happens only for my sake. I will try my best to remove the degenerated substances in myself and the evil elements that make her irrational." At last, I eliminated the substances of anger and I felt greatly relieved. It was like I became a completely different person. After that, when I saw her again, I got along with her just like nothing had happened. When we talked about our cultivation experiences, I first talked about the loopholes in my xinxing. Then I reminded her of her attachment that she had failed to see in a peaceful manner. She said, "I have been carried away by my human emotions and been entirely irrational these days. I do have human attachments that I failed to see. I am sorry for all the troubles that I brought to you." I used to think I was helping her, but the truth was that Teacher had arranged for her to come to me so that we could improve our cultivation together. This is is a living testament of Teacher's Fa:
"When you're going through an awful tribulation, or maybe a critical juncture, give it a try. When it's hard to endure, try to endure it. When it seems impossible to do, or just hard to do, give it a try and see just what you can do. And when you can really do it, just like that worn and weary traveler, you'll see, 'the shade of willows, the blooms of flowers, a place to rest my head'!" (Zhuan Falun)
Cooperating as a Whole Body in Rescuing Arrested Fellow Practitioners
After July 20, 1999, we set up a Fa study group. We kept studying the Fa in groups no matter how frenzied the evil was. As the Fa-rectification pushed forward, our major material site started to produce the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, and fellow practitioners from our Fa study group took the booklets and cooperated to distribute them. After we set up many smaller material sites, practitioners from our group cooperated to produce other materials, such as the truth clarification booklets, videos, and pictures. Although practitioners might have xinxing conflicts with each other, we never let it become a hindrance to our cooperation in Dafa work. Every practitioner was saving sentient beings in their own unique ways.
In late 2008, one of the practitioners from our Fa study group was arrested. We had a special meeting to discuss how to rescue him. We all agreed that the persecution of that fellow practitioner was the persecution of ourselves. We promised, while doing Dafa work as usual, we would send forth righteous thoughts for him whenever we were not studying the Fa: "Eliminate all evil beings and elements involved in persecuting him, help strengthen his righteous thoughts. He will break away from the den of evil in a noble manner and save more sentient beings." Some practitioners went to his family and asked for their cooperation by directly going to the detention center to demand his release immediately.
After we learned that the authorities of the Chinese Communist Party were going to bring him and three other practitioners from other cities to trial, we discussed whether we should go to the vincinity of the court to send forth righteous thoughts at a short distance. Because that practitioner lived in another city about 200 km from our city, it would be difficult to send forth righteous thoughts at a short distance. However, all the practitioners, from those in their 70s to the young families, did not hesitate to go despite their personal affairs. They arranged their personal affairs two days before the trial. On the day of the trial, many practitioners participated in sending forth righteous thoughts at a short distance. This largely eliminated the evil beings and elements in other dimensions. The fellow practitioner pleaded "not guilty" himself, which suppressed the evil remarkably. In the end, he was released immediately, while the three other practitioners were wrongly sentenced to long terms of imprisonment. Although we successfully rescued our fellow practitioner, we still found loopholes in our xinxing. We were serious about sending forth righteous thoughts for practitioners that we knew but not so serious for practitioners that we did not know. This is an attachment that we must let go of.
Considering the limited level of my cultivation, please kindly point out anything improper.
Written on October 10, 2009
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