(Clearwisdom.net)
Greetings Esteemed Teacher!
Greetings Fellow Practitioners!
I have been a Falun Dafa practitioner since June 1998. When I think back over my cultivation path, it was just as Teacher said, "Whenever he upgraded himself to a higher level, he looked back and realized that the Dharma he just taught was all wrong." (Zhuan Falun)
I walked the path arranged by the old forces many times and often acknowledged the persecution. Therefore, I experienced many ordeals and caused great losses to Dafa. I know that Teacher worried about and shouldered a lot for me. I must progress diligently and do the three things well to repay Teacher's grace.
1. Eliminating Attachment to Time
After I learned Falun Dafa, I was able to let go of my attachments. My illnesses disappeared. The benefits granted by the Fa allowed me to progress.
When a practitioner told me that I should just hang on because the Fa rectification might end in 1999, I developed the attachment to time. I assumed that I could not reach consummation in just a year and was upset that I learned Falun Dafa too late. One day I had a dream. I was walking up the stairs and near the top floor going on became rather difficult. A voice told me "almost home." I looked up and I had two more floors left. I was excited because home was not far away and I could reach it. After I woke up, I realized that Teacher's was telling me to let go of the attachment to time. From then on I practiced diligently. The following year, I used all of my spare time to study Zhuan Falun. Besides reading it, I copied it five times. I watched Teacher's lecture tapes and did the exercises daily. I felt I improved and changed daily. Gradually I let go of the attachment to time.
When the persecution started, all regular media programs stopped throughout China, and the public was exposed to the propagandas that framed and slandered Falun Gong. I couldn't stand it, so I went to Beijing three times between July and December 1999. I don't want to talk about how difficult it was to practice Falun Gong at that time. I did not break the old forces arrangement with rationality. The second time I went to Beijing, I lost my job. The third time I lost my family.
On January 15, 2000, I was taken to a forced labor camp. I refused to give up Falun Gong and was imprisoned for two years. There were over 1,000 practitioners in the camp and 98 percent of them were tortured and forced to give up Falun Dafa. Those who refused to give up the practice were tortured inhumanly and brainwashed. The camp claimed to make 100 percent practitioners give up Falun Gong. In that kind of environment, a second felt like a year. My attachment to time crept back in. I knew I would not make it if I did not let go of the fear of death. I tried not to have any human notions and continued to recite "Having heard the Tao in the morning, one can die in the evening." ("Dissolving Into the Fa," Essentials for Further Advancement).
I felt the evil was going to destroy me. A practitioner brought me Teacher's articles "The evil will soon be completely eliminated, the vile ones in the human world will receive due retribution, and sins can no longer be allowed. Disciples are waiting to reach Consummation, and I can wait no more" ("Towards Consummation"). All of a sudden I saw hope and became confident. Later, I read the article "Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)." My mind became calm and my righteous thoughts were abundant. Teacher helped me through this harsh test. Teacher walked me through step by step, constantly encouraging me. If I knew that the persecution would last for ten years back then, I would not have made it. As I continued to improve and could understand the Fa based on rationality, my attachment to time disappeared.
I shared this experience because practitioners claimed that there were still many people to save and the Fa rectification would not end for many years. They were going to look for a job, get married and earn enough to buy houses. They said that Teacher mentioned there wouldn't be much time left but ten years have passed. They even said that many practitioners are looking forward to the year of 2012. So many practitioners are attached to time! This is not something trivial. We are making it difficult for Teacher to push the Fa rectification forward. The truth is that the Fa rectification is being pushed back because we have so many human notions and attachments. We have not improved enough in the practice and therefore couldn't save more beings. It is us who delayed the Fa rectification process. Compassionate Teacher continued to wait for us because otherwise we would not reach consummation. Teacher is also waiting for us to save ourselves.
2. Harmonizing with the Fa Rationally
When the persecution started, I stayed in the practice based on my feelings toward the Fa. I know I should be steadfast but did not know how to harmonize with the Fa. I knew I should clarify the facts of the persecution, but I did not use my wisdom. I caused many losses. I remember the second time I returned from appealing for justice for Falun Gong in Beijing I was taken to a police station. After I was let go, my parents and family were waiting for me at home and told me not to go to Beijing again. I refused to listen and said a lot of senseless things. My family couldn't reason with me and did not understand Falun Dafa.
My employer fired me because I was absent from work too long. I signed the dismissal papers without hesitation. I completely followed the old forces' arrangement. This caused my husband and family a great deal of pressure and my husband divorced me. I walked the path of the old forces again, thinking I was letting go of personal gain, fame and emotions.
As my understanding of the Fa improved, I knew I had to make up for the damage I had caused to Dafa. When I was released from a forced labor camp, I read all of Teacher's lectures and gained new understanding of the Fa principles. I was able to stay calm. I knew how to clarify the truth to save people. I went to my mother's house. After seeing how I had changed a miracle happened: my mother began to practice Falun Gong and renounced the religion she had been following.
I wrote letters to my former colleagues and my supervisor who used to help me. I told them how I was tortured. I knew they would not understand why I went to Beijing to appeal for justice for Falun Gong and was divorced because of the practice. I said in my letters that it was the government that was responsible for slandering Falun Gong and that it destroyed families.
I later heard those who received my letters had changed their views toward Dafa and me. I distributed flyers that told of how my younger sister and mother were tortured. I used my mother and sister's real names and distributed the flyer to every home in our area.
Because I did not do well, I brought tremendous mental pressure and damage to my family. It was hard for them to accept what I wanted to tell them about Falun Dafa. It was especially difficult for me to clarify the facts to my husband's family because of the divorce.
I started to study the Fa.
"Cultivation practice must take place through tribulations so as to test whether you can part with and care less about different kinds of human sentimentality and desires. If you are attached to these things, you will not succeed in cultivation."
"It can evoke one's jealousy, for if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people's minds will feel uneasy."
" If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit--absolutely not." (Zhuan Falun)
I found my main attachments, sentimentality, vanity, jealousy and the attachment to fame. When I gave up my family and my work after I went to Beijing three times, I thought I had let go of all attachments. I was wrong. I was calm once I found my attachments and realized that I wasn't good enough in the practice. "What is emptiness? Non-attachment is the true emptiness. It does not mean that there is no existence of matter" ("What is Emptiness," Essentials for Further Advancement).
My ex-husband's girlfriend and I had attended the same school and I knew that she was an honest person. I mailed her Falun Dafa fliers. When there was a holiday or celebration at my husband's family, I would always be there. Initially the situation was tough. I had to let go of my pride. No matter what they said to me or how they misunderstood me, I put up with it. I told myself that I have to be considerate and follow the principles Truth-Compassion-Forbearance. I finally met his girlfriend and talked to her about the facts of the persecution. I showed her my indictment and the letters I wrote. After that our relationship improved. She even asked me to live with them. My mother-in-law made a comment, "It is unbelievable that they got along so well. Falun Gong can really change people."
My family gradually accepted me and I started giving them truth clarifying materials and the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party booklets. I looked for opportunities to talk to them about Falun Gong instead of just forcing it upon them. I offered to cook for them during Chinese New Year. They were so happy that I had changed and helped me. I finally understood that when we follow the Dafa's principles, everything we do and say is validating the Fa.
Later my ex-husband split with his girlfriend and dated a doctor. This time his family was against it and forced her to leave their house. In 2008, my mother-in-law passed away. A lot of relatives came to the funeral. I took the opportunity to tell them about the persecution and helped many of them quit the Chinese Communist Party. The doctor came to the funeral to help but all the family members were mocking her. I felt sorry for her and wanted to tell her the facts of Falun Gong. For me, everyone was the same and needed to be saved.
I found out that she had ill feelings towards Falun Gong and felt even worse for her. My righteous thoughts told me that she and I had a predestined relationship and Dafa would definitely save her. I talked to her for a long time. She gradually showed her respect and believed what I said. She happily resigned from the CCP as I suggested.
Now almost all my relatives have quit the CCP. I came to realize that when we clarify the truth to people we don't know, we can make them understand and accept it well in five minutes. However, when we clarify the truth about Falun Gong to our families, we are not doing that well. This is because we hold human sentimentalities in our hearts. We often want to rush things.
Also, for those practitioners who are together but are not married, they need to rectify the situation. It's a serious issue and we must walk our paths well.
3. Negating the Old Forces' Arrangement and Following Teacher's Path
In 2003, a practitioner in another city was arrested. I went to that city and took over the practitioner's tasks at a truth clarifying material production site. In less than three months, the evil broke into our place and took all of the Dafa materials. I and four practitioners were arrested. The police interrogated me for several hours and I said nothing. Several officers came and one had an electric baton in his hand. I looked at him and was not a bit scared. I knew he could not hurt me. They looked at me confused. Later, I went downstairs and saw that one of the other practitioners face was badly burnt and he could not walk anymore. One of the officers called him tough because he did not provide any information. Listening to their conversation, I knew the officers tortured the practitioner many different ways. I felt painful looking at the practitioner. I had one thought, "I must get out immediately and expose to the world how the officers torture practitioners."
I was locked in a detention center with another practitioner. The guard wiretapped the room. None of us talked and we stayed calm. I sent righteous thoughts asking for the wire to break down. The later half of the night we talked while lying on the bed. I asked how she and other practitioners were tortured. She told me the details and the names and positions of the officers. I memorized everything.
The second day the local police hired two hit men to interrogate us. I felt sorry for them. I sent righteous thoughts asking for the evil behind these people to be eliminated. Soon several local police officers came and took me home. They told me, "Don't come back here again."
The other four practitioners were sentenced to ten or more years prison terms. I looked inward. I think we were arrested because several of the articles we wrote were published and we developed zealotry. At this point of the Fa rectification, practitioners need to save people and help Teacher rectify the Fa. No matter how large our gaps, the evils are not qualified to harm us. I realized that at critical moments, we must first negate the old forces' arrangement and only think about saving people. When we act based on the Fa, Teacher will help us through the ordeal. Afterward, we must look inward to find and eliminate our attachments.
We know now that there are not many of the evil beings left and they can't do much. Then why is the persecution still severe? Some practitioners left us because of illness karma. I think the fundamental problem is these practitioners acknowledged the old forces' arrangement. Other practitioners also had the same mentality and did not support the practitioners. Other practitioners did not think the persecution is unnecessary and passively accepted it. We must improve as one body so we can negate the old forces' arrangement thoroughly.
4. Walking Our Own Paths Without Depending on Others
After I returned to where we live, many material production sites were destroyed. Not many were left. I worked with some practitioners and established one. Not long after the site was set up, two of the practitioners left and I was the only one left. The authorities checked on me every now and then. It did not scare me. But when loneliness fell upon me, I felt vulnerable. It was not too bad when I was busy. But when I study the Fa, did the exercises, or when I ate, I would recall the time spent with fellow practitioners. The loneliness was unbearable. Later I heard one of the practitioners that had left was arrested and tortured. I became sadder. Through studying the Fa, I realized that my attachment was causing problems. I often called other practitioners and didn't pay attention to safety. I was dependent on other practitioners and would find the coordinator to solve my problem, asked for tech support when the equipment broke down and asked male practitioners to come with me when I shopped. I was ignoring the safety issue.
My attachment to dependency and fear of loneliness disappeared within time. When I encountered problems and was helpless, I asked for Teacher's help so I could solve the problem with righteous thoughts. It was very hard and I managed to get by. Every time there was a dangerous situation, I found my attachments and the Fa principles necessary to eliminate the attachments. I saw the miracle of Dafa and became more confident in the practice.
Since 2005, many material production sites were destroyed and practitioners arrested and tortured. This has a lot to do with practitioners depending and relying on others. For example, when I wrote articles to expose the evil persecution, I always waited for other practitioners to give me firsthand information. It had become natural. Therefore, when these practitioners who worked on getting firsthand persecution information were arrested, there would be a long time that I could not report and expose the evil. The dependency put me in trouble.
Practitioner A from my city died due to the persecution. Her case was known by the international society. The police did not want the case to go further and hence harassed her family and secretly cremated her body. No information was available after that. Teacher arranged me to meet a practitioner who knew practitioner A. We went together to A's hometown. Practitioners there told me that her family may not cooperate with me and I needed to be careful. We sent righteous thoughts and found practitioner A's sister. Through careful communication, we got the firsthand information. When I got home the second day, I realized that the firsthand information I got before from other practitioners was so precious! The practitioners on the front line risked their safety and lives to gather information! I turned on the computer that night wanting to write an article about it. Suddenly my stomach was killing me, I could not even hold my hands in the positions when I sent righteous thoughts. I knew the evil was trying to stop me. I asked Teacher to help me eliminate the evil factors that were trying to hurt me and stop me from exposing them. The pain went away and I was soaked in sweat. I was very weak as I looked at the screen of the computer and I was very sleepy. As I was about to fall asleep, I stood up and told myself that I must finish the article that night. I woke up and the article was sent out the next day.
Now I am able to obtain firsthand information, go online, download, write articles, typeset, and purchase necessary goods. I have let go of my dependency and walked my own path.
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