(Clearwisdom.net) I memorized Zhuan Falun over and over again lately. This made me see many attachments I still needed to get rid of some of them that were deeply hidden. One of them is my desire to validate myself. How come I did not discover it before? I am now determined to let go of this and other attachments.
Memorizing the Fa broadened my mindset tremendously, so that I could see other practitioners' many positive sides. In the past I tended to focus on their negative qualities. The more negatives I saw, the angrier I was. My past attitude now seems foolish.
I overcame a bothersome attachment and great hardship before I could memorize the Fa. I would like to share my cultivation experience of this process.
My biggest handicap was the wish for comfort and being self-centered. I wasn't motivated enough to help others unless people specifically asked for help. I thought that, since Master emphasized Fa study, I interpreted that to mean that I could practice less or not even practice the exercises. Studying the Fa was much easier. Being reluctant to help others made me think, "How great it would be if I could reach consummation by just studying the Fa all by myself and not encounter hardships in this world.
This thought made me focus on Fa study only, to the neglect of xinxing cultivation. I was covered with karma and attachments. How could I melt into the Fa? Because my motivation for Fa study was wrong, for a long time I felt drowsy, was easily bothered, and had odd thoughts when reading the Fa. Although I attempted to read a dozen pages of Zhuan Falun each day, the other notions kept me from genuine study. I could not concentrate and could not look inward.
I often spoke of Fa study as a priority, and this gave others the impression I studied the Fa diligently. I could fool the others because I have a good memory and could remember certain paragraphs. Nevertheless, some practitioners still commented about me. They either talked to the other practitioners or talked to me personally, saying that, although I appeared to study the Fa constantly, I really had not cultivated well.
I knew I needed to genuinely study the Fa to raise my xinxing level. But a thought crept in: "Is this useful? Master asks us to do the three things. How can I improve by merely relying on Fa study?" I was confused, lost the motivation to study the Fa, and did not realize at first that this was interference getting in the way of my cultivation.
A lack of Fa study kept my xinxing at a low level; this was the reason for my lack of power and wisdom in general, but especially when I tried to explain the truth to people and expose the CCP persecution. I became frightened. I identified my selfishness and self-centeredness, which kept me distant from other practitioners. I thought, "Merely concentrating on Fa study is not all I can do; I must also participate in a Dafa project." But I neither studied the Fa well, nor worked on a Dafa project. Getting rid of notions was so difficult, and I wasted much time.
Reading practitioners' experience sharing articles made me decide to memorize the Fa. It began slowly and gradually got faster. My previous "pretend Fa study" was plagued by a sense of unwillingness. Memorizing the Fa made me want to memorize more--the more I memorized, the more I wanted to memorize. I began to assimilate into Dafa. Fa- memorization motivated me to participate in a Dafa project and clarify the truth to people.
Memorizing the Fa also raised my cultivation environment. My family no longer prevents me from clarifying the truth and have accepted the facts.
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
