(Clearwisdom.net) I am a young veteran practitioner. During my ten years of cultivation, I have experienced many tribulations that include accomplishments and difficult times. No matter how difficult it may seem, I continue to cultivate with determination. I have been trying my best to fulfill my mission.
I have been consistently clarifying the truth to people. I have been busy engaging in buying supplies, making and distributing truth-clarification materials, making the most of face to face opportunities, learning new technology, and meeting and coordinating with fellow practitioners. There was a period of time when I went to one Fa-study site this week and then to another the next. It seemed that fellow practitioners were all welcoming me to join them. I always think about fellow practitioners who need help and I diligently work for Dafa.
However, just when fellow practitioners started to rely on me, I began to have difficulty breathing and felt pressure in my chest, thus creating pain in my heart. I started to look inward. I read one lecture of Zhuan Falun every day and seldom missed studying daily. I do not read too fast, but I was often not focused. I always make sure to send forth righteous thoughts and sometimes I do it more than six times a day. However, I do not practice the exercises often with the excuse of being too busy. I did the exercises once every two to three days. In the beginning, I felt that I had been practicing for a long time and felt that Master would take extra care of me because of the work I had been doing (it was in fact my inflated ego).
This incident still did not get my attention so that I would truly treat the Fa as the teacher and truly look inward. Everything still went on as usual. Gradually, the chest pressure became greater and lasted longer. I still ran around trying to keep up: I am a Dafa practitioner. I cannot slack off!
Finally, one day, when I was distributing informational materials, I found somebody following me. When I finally got rid of the follower, I wanted to let fellow practitioners know to be careful. But when I got to one of the practitioners' building, I saw the person that was following me there. He was caught off guard when he saw me. I immediately left while sending forth righteous thoughts.
Later, I persisted with my efforts in trying to keep up with the things a Dafa practitioner must do. The evil instigated some bad people to bang on my door to harass me. However, I negated it. (I know that I would never be able to tell how much Master had endured for me.) I was not able to hold up any more and when I worked, I could not catch my breath. Sometimes, I needed to force myself to take a deep breath to feel better.
I told fellow practitioners that I might have been interfered with and followed. Practitioners all encouraged me and told me not to be puzzled by the illusion. I told practitioners that I would not be running around to different Fa-study sites and I would like to truly cultivate myself. Fellow practitioners were not too excited about hearing that I would not be joining them daily. In fact, I did not share with fellow practitioners about my current state because I felt it was shameful. I did not want to lose face and lose my reputation amongst practitioners.
Later, I could not lie down flat because of my breathing problem. So I could only lie down sideways. When fellow practitioners asked for my help on technical issues, I stayed up at night to help because of saving face. Again, the evil people came to harass me, but Master arranged me to be away from home, thus avoiding the persecution.
I moved to a different place but still I could not become energetic. I practiced the exercises less and less because I did not have the energy. I taught a fellow practitioner how to handle the technical issues, so I had more time to study the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts. But I had less time to clarify the truth. Later, the Fa-study sites discontinued one after another. I did not have the energy to help and became numb about the situation as well. Soon after that, a very diligent practitioner was arrested. Then one after another, more practitioners were arrested. I was struggling and did not know what to do. I went to talk to fellow practitioners, but they were all afraid of seeing me. The only thing I could do was to send forth righteous thoughts.
Why was this happening? We did not have many practitioners to begin with. What was causing all this?
Two weeks ago, I made up my mind to start diligently studying the Fa and doing the exercises. I downloaded Master's lectures from the Minghui website to my MP4. I did the exercises every night at 9:50 p.m. When I read the Fa word by word carefully, I cried. As a veteran practitioner, this was the first time I read all of Master's lectures wholeheartedly. I put my entire mind into the Fa and the Fa principles enlightened me. I have been awakened again by the Fa. Master, I finally understand that all of this was because I had not been paying enough attention to my own cultivation.
In the past two weeks, Master has been encouraging me. I no longer feel the pressure or pain in my chest. One night, a snake came out of my right arm in my dream. Another night, vermin, a worm and centipedes came out of my left leg. Later, in my dream, I saw red check marks on my exam paper. In another dream, I realized some issues about a fellow practitioner. The next day, I went to the practitioner's home and told her about my dream. She said my dream matched exactly with her current state. She has not been able to calmly study the Fa for over a month. When I started sharing with the practitioner, we found that when we meet with fellow practitioners, we should all greet each other and ask if we have truly been studying the Fa.
Master has stated very clearly,
"study the Fa well and abundantly--and do so frequently--become true cultivators of Dafa, and shoulder the responsibility of helping Dafa to spread widely and save sentient beings." ("To the First Fa Conference in India")
This is my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
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