(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time, I felt a discomfort in my body. My left shoulder, back, and neck felt tense, as if they were swollen or stretched. This feeling was increasingly controlling me.
I searched inward and wondered what attachment had caused it. I looked from the angle of different Fa principles and discussed it with fellow practitioners. But the fundamental issue eluded me, and I did not rise above this state. Although the symptoms lessened after I sent forth righteous thoughts, and it did not affect my ability to do the three things well, I was still bothered by it everyday.
Recently I felt that the pain had moved to my left leg, which became very heavy and stiff. When I was meditating, I was in great pain and could hardly keep my legs crossed. I remembered Master's teaching, "Because the transformation of gong is very complex, what one feels accounts for nothing. One cannot practice cultivation based on how one feels."(Zhuan Falun) I told myself not to worry about it, but I did not let go of the attachment. Every day my mood changed based on how I felt. I felt helpless, but I did not give up. I encouraged myself by reciting Master's words: "Whether you can practice cultivation all depends upon whether you can endure, sacrifice, and suffer. If you can commit your mind, no difficulties can stop you. I would say that there is not a problem."(Zhuan Falun) I vowed before Master's photo to break through this barrier and asked for Master's help. I promised to let go of human attachments.
Master saw my firm will and gave me an opportunity to see my attachments. One morning after I finished reading a lecture of Zhuan Falun, I wanted to take a break and picked up a copy of Minghui Weekly. An article in the periodical touched me. The author had a lot of things in common with me, although we began practicing for different reasons. I thought back to when I first started practicing and realized a huge attachment of mine: the attachment to how I feel. Before I practiced Falun Dafa, as I was searching for the right teacher, I was involved in a lot of different kinds of qigong. My body was messed up. A friend of mine recommended the book Falun Gong. As soon as I saw Master's picture in the book, I felt a strong energy field enveloping me, and I felt wonderful. It was something I had never felt before. I could not put the book down and finished it in one sitting. At that time, I only thought the book was great but was not sure what the book really talked about. The wonderful feeling was overwhelming, and I did not have a deep understanding of the content. In other words, I began practicing because of how I felt at the time.
Because I am a sensitive person and have always felt changes in my body, I did not realize that the sensitivity could lead to a strong attachment. Instead of using righteous thoughts and Master's Fa to measure things I encountered in cultivation, I used how I felt as a yardstick. When I first began practicing, after we were finished the fifth exercise, other practitioners would stand up and walk away. I kept sitting there, waiting for the pain to go away. When I studied the Fa, I felt the Falun (Law Wheel) turning in my body. This was actually a good thing, but I was distracted. When I did not feel the Falun turning, I looked for it and the good feeling. When I clarified the facts about the persecution to others, I also used how I felt to judge whether the person would be easy to convince. If I didn't feel good around a person, I thought that it would be difficult to clarify the facts and that I needed to send forth righteous thoughts. When I felt good around a person, I thought it would be easy to clarify the facts. I also focused on how I felt when I sent forth righteous thoughts. Sometimes I felt the energy field was strong, and I was glad. Other times, I felt the energy field was weak, and I thought it was bad and I needed to find out why my energy field was weak. I also used how my body felt to judge whether I had cultivated well.
Master said a long time ago, "Some people go by how they feel in practicing something. What does your feeling account for? It is nothing." (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun) Yet I let how I felt, instead of the Fa, dictate my actions. I was not genuinely cultivating. I nearly missed the Great Fa. This was indeed very dangerous.
Why did I develop such an attachment? What was its root? I think it was caused by an attachment to pursuit and comfort. In my cultivation, I had not fundamentally changed my human notions. Instead, I used human notions to judge things. I did not use righteous Fa principles to handle things. Whenever I ran into difficulties, my attachment would be stirred up, and I wanted to return to comfort as soon as possible. If we don't meet Master's requirements, we will be walking a path arranged by the old forces. That was why I continued to have discomfort. Since I wanted to pursue comfort, I would get the opposite effect. If I didn't remove this attachment, I would be ruined by the old forces.
Everyone feels things in their bodies. As I studied the Fa and gradually understood the Fa principles, I realized that I had to let go of my attachment to how I felt. As cultivators, we can't be chasing how we feel. We need to use upright principles to evaluate things. Everything that happens to us is beneficial. We must keep a calm heart. Actually, as long as we remove the attachment to comfort and follow upright principles, how we feel means nothing. Our path of cultivation has been arranged by Master. We must study the Fa more and harmonize with it to understand Fa principles at different levels and put them into practice. This is walking the path arranged by Master. If we hold on to human attachments, notions, desires, and old principles, we may face grave danger.
It took me 11 years of cultivation to recognize this fundamental attachment; the attachment to pursuit has blocked my improvement. I felt ashamed. At the same time, I realized the seriousness of cultivation. What will happen if we harbor attachments until the end? We are near the end of the Fa-rectification, and I have lagged behind for so long. I need to follow Master's requirements, study the Fa more, and catch up. In "To the First Fa Conference in India," Master said, "study the Fa well and abundantly--and do so frequently--become true cultivators of Dafa, and shoulder the responsibility of helping Dafa to spread widely and save sentient beings." Let us truly follow Master's words and be his genuine disciples!
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Category: Improving Oneself
