(Clearwisdom.net) Once when practitioner A and I were chatting idly, I asked her if her husband was not eating much at home, because he had looked frail and not very healthy. I asked out of concern for his well-being, but she was taken aback by it. After I explained to her why I asked, she told me that for a moment, she thought I was trying to imply something inappropriate and stirring up some conflict between her and her husband. After I saw how my words were misunderstood, I felt badly about what I had said.
The next day, I shared this experience at the Fa-study group. I said, "I know I need to practice cultivation of speech; but I still feel that practitioner A was being narrow-minded." Several practitioners agreed with me, saying that practitioner A should look within. At this moment, practitioner B added, "Several years ago, you said to my daughter that you felt sorry for her because I didn't know how to cook, and that I didn't take good enough care of her. My daughter cried afterwards. At the time, I really blamed you, feeling that you hurt my daughter and affected our relationship." Practitioner B then talked about an article titled, "Some Reflections on the Need to Cultivate Our Speech" that was posted on the Minghui website. The article pointed out that some casual words might hurt others and therefore cause gaps among practitioners, which in turn affect the whole body. I felt unhappy after hearing this, thinking that practitioner B didn't do well; she didn't take my suggestion to look after her family better and blamed me instead. Practitioner C then reminded us of what Master said,
"When two people have a conflict and a third person sees it, even that third person should think about whether there are any problems on his part--'Why did I happen to see it?'" ("Teaching the Fa at the Eastern U.S. Fa Conference" in March 1999)
Practitioner C said, "Today, since I have heard this story, it might be that I have some attachment; I should look within." Practitioner B said, "Master said before, if everyone feels someone has a problem, it might be that everyone has some attachment."
This sharing really gave me some new insight. Cultivators should look within with whatever we encounter. During this incident, I thought from my own viewpoint and measured others with my own opinions, rather than looking within to find my attachment. I thought that practitioner A didn't do well in certain aspects, and then I held a bias against her. I felt practitioner B had some attachments and didn't let others criticize her. But actually, these two things occured for me to find out my own attachments. Why did I feel unhappy? It is because I had a bias and I always found fault with others instead of looking within myself.
Looking within to this point, I suddenly remembered that I criticized my daughter yesterday, telling her that she spoke rudely to her boyfriend and didn't realize it after having hurt him. Then looking back at myself, I found indeed it was me that didn't speak compassionately. I was often overbearing towards my own mother, and criticized her for her shortcomings, thinking that she wouldn't hold a grudge and that I could say whatever I wanted, rather than thinking about her feelings before I spoke. This was my attachment, so I really should practice cultivation of speech.
Regardless of whether others are right or wrong, we must look within to find our attachments and get rid of them. This is our cultivation environment; this is the cultivation path we should walk on. Although I understood this Fa principle, when encountering a problem, I still often forgot to look within.
I finally understood why I often felt wronged. For quite a long time, I always thought that I was being responsible to others when I kindly pointed out their shortcomings. However, things always went contrary to my wishes; others usually didn't take my suggestions, and they even blamed me. I always looked at others instead of looking within my own heart and getting rid of my attachments. I realized how many opportunities I have missed to upgrade myself! It was not until this moment that I deeply realize how important looking within was.
"Cultivation of speech" is not just a simple sentence. We should look within when our minds are disturbed about specific things, dig out the attachments that are deeply hidden inside, and then get rid of them. This is practicing cultivation, the true practice of cultivation.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
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