(Clearwisdom.net) Master said, "What's not a right mind? It refers to a person's inability to always treat himself as a practitioner." (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun, Translation Version 2000)
Over the course of the past few years I occasionally did not act like a cultivator and was unwilling to let go of my ego. This resulted in my arrest and a month of detention. I simply want to share my experiences and have a discussion with fellow practitioners so that we can diligently strive forward together.
Several months ago a group of officers took me to a police station. Prior to this incident I had never imagined the persecution would affect me personally. I truly regretted [lacking righteous thoughts]. However, Master said, "If you've fallen don't just lie there, get up right away!" ("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference") So I thought, "Since I am here, I will do what a Dafa disciple is supposed to do." I told the officers about the wonders of Dafa and advised them not to persecute Dafa. About eight of them were present, and they were all quiet while I spoke. When I finished, they tried to get me to cooperate with them in getting a confession, saying, "When we were listening to you, we felt you could write pretty well. Have you written for the Minghui/Clearwisdom website? What have you done for Falun Gong? Do you know why we arrested you? You are well-known; do you know that? Police in several different places are looking for you. When did you start practicing Falun Gong?"
They failed to get a confession from me. In the evening, eight of them took turns interrogating me. They would not let me sleep or use the restroom. I protested, and they reluctantly allowed me restroom access. They demanded I give them a urine sample for testing. I refused. Several officers came up to me and held me and tried to measure my height and take photos of me. I sat on the floor and refused to go along. They were exasperated and swore at me. The only thing they could write in their notebook all night was "silence."
They took me to a detention center the next day. I refused to submit to a physical exam, urine test, or fingerprinting and refused to sign anything. They locked me in solitary room for 24 hours, during which I did not eat, and they did not let me use the restroom. The detention center head came to see me several times. I kept telling them about Falun Gong. I sensed they were touched by my determination. They let me out after 24 hours and put me me in a regular cell. The detainees there were eager to be rescued; more than ten of them stood around me and urged me to tell them about Falun Gong and sing Dafa songs.
A guard brought a slip of paper on the fourth day and told me my sentence had been extended by 30 days. He told me to sign it. I refused and said to him, "I disagree with the extension. I request unconditional release."
I went on a hunger strike, and Master's words suddenly appeared in my head:
"Imprisoned as you are,
don't be sorrowful or sad
Carry on with righteous thoughts and actions,
and the Fa is with you
Calmly reflect on the attachments you have
Remove your human thoughts
and evil will naturally die out"("Don't Be Sad," Hong Yin II, Translation Version A)
I calmed my mind and looked inward and found lots of attachments.
I had opened a store prior to the arrest and was hoping that running this store would make it possible to speak with more people about Falun Gong. I was relatively late in stepping forward to defend Dafa. Very few people in my area had learned about Falun Dafa and the persecution, so I was anxious and eager to do more things, and the evil took advantage of my gaps.
First I encountered lots of interference, and my two computers broke down in turn. They would not turn on, or they would keep turning on and off, yet I did not look inward. I constantly fought with my practitioner sister and stopped attending group Fa study sessions because I was busy with the store.
Although I still studied Zhuan Falun on a daily basis I did not take it to heart. As we fought more and more, sometimes I knew I was in the wrong, but I could not let go of my ego and was obsessed with her shortcomings. I wanted to apologize to my sister on several occasions because she had done so much for me. I was more often in the wrong--from the perspective of an ordinary person as well as a cultivator. However, my strong ego and the attachment to saving face, as well as concern for self-protection, prevented me from opening my mouth.
Master prompted me in a dream to dig out the "heart," or attachment, but I was unwilling to do that and continued to ignore safety precautions while distributing VCDs and speaking with people. I thought I was dong a good job validating Dafa, but I had actually deviated from the Fa.
I was taken to a hospital on the third day of my hunger strike. The guards ordered inmates to tie me in a bed and give me IV infusions and conduct different tests. As they prepared the force-feeding tube for insertion the next day, I gave up the hunger strike because I felt I should not let them abuse and mistreat me.
Looking further inward I discovered my strong competitive mentality. I was anxious to get out, so I resorted to talking to everyone and caring for others to validate the wonders of Dafa. Whenever I had time I would recite the Fa, send righteous thoughts, and look inward. I truly regretted that I had not studied the Fa well. Only passages from Lunyu and Hong Yin popped into my head from time to time.
When a police officer interrogated me for the first time he said, "If you really think Dafa is good, how come your own family doesn't believe in it? You should convince them to practice Falun Gong with you!" I was silent and felt ashamed. Although my husband had quit the Party, his family did not know the facts. They still don't support Dafa. My husband's attitude toward Dafa vacillates. I never truly passed "the family test" and even wanted to solve this problem through divorce. I discovered my strong emotional attachment toward my husband.
Master said,
"If this sentimentality is not relinquished, you will be unable to practice cultivation. If you are free from this sentimentality, nobody can affect you. An everyday person's mind will be unable to sway you. What takes over in its place is benevolence, which is something more noble." (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Two weeks later they sent me back to the detention center. The detainees in the cell were excited to see me. They huddled around me and said they had missed me, and that they would say, "Falun Dafa is good, Truth, Compassion, and Forbearance is good," whenever they thought of me. They insisted I was innocent and agreed with me when I refused to recite detention center regulations, refused to have my head shaved, and refused a physical exam, because they thought I was different.
I defied all of the officials' intimidation attempts and threats, nor did I answer any of their questions. Instead I asked them, "How long have you persecuted Falun Gong? Who is the head of 610 Office? How many Falun Gong practitioners have you arrested?"
They were overwhelmed and begged me, "Please don't use the word 'persecution.' Just one practitioner like you is enough headache for us. Look, you keep 'brainwashing' us."
During the fifth interrogation I suddenly realized, "Why are these officials able to interrogate me over and over? Isn't it because my strong competitiveness is once again evident and I am being argumentative?" So I protested and said in a stern voice, "Please, do not try to force your will on me. What do you think I would do if you put a knife to my neck right now?" The official was shocked and said, "I wouldn't do that." I retorted, "Actually, I just wanted to tell you that a Dafa disciple's willpower is indestructible!" He was subdued but didn't give up and said, "You have so much stuff in your computer and U drive." I was alarmed at first, because I had not known that they took my computer, but soon righteous thoughts took over and I thought, "Even if there is a lot of information in my computer, any information is witness to the mighty virtue of Dafa practitioners, and any possible evidence of criminal activity is non-existent! We are doing the most sacred things to rescue lives, and the evil is unworthy of persecuting me." They hastily ended that day's interrogation but threatened they would resume the next day. They never did.
My heart was heavy when I returned to the cell. I kept looking for my omissions, because even though I never cooperated with them over the previous more than 20 days, they still refused to let me go. Their words still rang in my ears, "We can hold you for a few more months, or we can send you to a labor camp." I knew I had too many attachments and that Master could not help me when I did not relinquish them. I kept thinking about how to respond if they would say certain things and what I would do if they really sent me to a labor camp, what I would do if they force-fed me again, and other such thoughts.
My goodness, I was shocked when I realized my mindset was always geared toward the old forces' logic, which was "negating the persecution while acknowledging the persecution." I adjusted my mindset and thought: "Even Master himself does not acknowledge the old forces. I am Master's disciple; why should I acknowledge this persecution? Even though I have omissions, I will correct myself based on Dafa. The old forces are unworthy of persecuting me. I am a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple and shoulder the sacred mission of rescuing sentient beings. This is not the place for me. I must break free, and Master will arrange a specific date."
Examining my thinking closer, I realized I had come to terms with being inside the detention center because I wanted to save face. I did not want to face my husband and family and wanted to escape from reality, so I did not have a strong desire to get out. Now I was anxious to get out, because I had learned that my mother had come from out-of-town. I didn't want her to worry about me, which is an emotion. But I felt sad when I thought about the officials who interrogated me. I had talked to them for many days, yet they still did not completely understand the truth. If I got out now I would be free, but they would still be in a sad situation! If I stayed for one more day I could tell them more facts.
Master told us to cultivate into selfless, altruistic, great, enlightened beings. I had decided to protest the persecution through a hunger strike. I ended the last hunger strike because I did not want to suffer and lacked the determination to persevere, but this time I was set on getting out: I would not eat anything more inside. I hoped my solid belief would suppress the evil. My mind was calm. I was not attached to getting out on a specific day and did not think about what could happen.
The head guard and doctor were angry that I started another hunger strike, because they felt I caused them trouble. I said, "I am doing this to uphold justice and truth. I only hope you will no longer persecute Falun Gong, because the heavens will not forgive this crime!" The head guard said I did not act like a mother and that I ignored my child. I said, "It's not that I don't care about my child; it's because you hold me here. I did not want to come here." He asked, "What if you husband divorces you? What if you get sentenced to prison?" I thought, "What you say does not count; our Master's words are the only thing that counts." I answered, "Falun Gong is more important than my life. I will never give up!"
Perhaps my righteous thoughts allowed Dafa's mighty power to manifest. The officials discontinued their interrogations. I left the detention center on the 30th day, with a list of more than 20 people who agreed to quit the Party.
This arrest was a lesson. I wanted to share it so we can all realize the serious nature of cultivation and take righteous steps on the path of cultivation. I encountered great interference when I wrote this article. I am truly grateful for practitioners who helped me during my arrest and detention. Their selfless sacrifices truly touched me. I am even more grateful for practitioners who have continuously helped me correct myself in the Fa and encouraged me to write this article. I will be more diligent and rescue more sentient beings.
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