(Clearwisdom.net) Over this past year, I have deeply felt the preciousness and seriousness of cultivation. I have come to understand how to look inward, be selfless, and cultivate myself well, doing what Master and Dafa require. I can now focus on my responsibility to save sentient beings while cooperating with fellow practitioners as a whole to validate the Fa.
Learn How to Look Inward
I have cultivated for a very long time and always felt that I understood the Fa well and knew how to look inward. I thought that I had cultivated quite well. I often looked at the shortcomings of my fellow practitioners and thought that they were not doing as well as me, and I always tried to force my opinions on others. As a consequence, starting in the latter half of 2008, everything came back at me. The practitioners I was close to all told me that I had no compassion at all, and the way I talked was like stabbing others in the back. When I heard this, I could not stand it. I said I would look inward, but the truth was that I felt like my heart was going to explode. After I calmed down, I realized that I should cultivate my speech and have true compassion in my heart. From then on, whenever I spoke with other practitioners, I stopped pointing out their shortcomings because I was afraid of hurting their feelings. But this was still not looking inward--it was just protecting myself and not provoking others. By doing that I hoped that nobody would criticize me and I would not get hurt. The truth was, I just could not get rid of my selfishness.
This year, 2010, practitioners and I have been working together to hand out Shen Yun DVDs and truth clarification materials. Initially, my thinking was only to provide the materials and let other practitioners hand them out. A practitioner from another Fa study group expressed a willingness to do it, but I disliked almost everyone in that group and didn't want to get involved with them.
When we validate the Fa and save sentient beings with a heart of disliking each other and wanting to change others, the results are predictable. Initially, everyone cooperated well because everyone knew the importance of the Shen Yun shows. However, since none of us had looked inward to preserve this environment, loopholes emerged in our cultivation and practitioners became lazy. Those who wanted to hand out materials experienced a lot of interference, and there seemed to be an unwillingness to do this task. As a result, my aversion to working with this group grew stronger. I thought that if they would not do it, then I should just do all the work myself. I was so deeply focused on doing this work for the Fa that I became confused and did not look inward. Compassionate Master probably saw me as a practitioner who genuinely wanted to cultivate, but who could not move forward. Master used many practitioners' words to help remind me of my shortcomings. I understood that, during a practitioner's cultivation, one should only pay attention to his or her own shortcomings and not be attached to other practitioners' shortcomings.
Master said:
"You have grown used to focusing on other people's shortcomings, and never take examining your own self seriously. When others' cultivation one day meets with success, what about you?... Why won't you accept criticism, and why do you keep focusing on other people? Why not cultivate inward and examine your own self? Why do you get agitated when you are criticized? How many of you seated here can keep at ease when someone points at you out of the blue and berates you? How many of you can stay unruffled and search for the reason on your part when faced with others' criticism and chiding?" ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles")
After reading Master's words, I calmed down, truly looked within, and asked myself why I would not let others criticize me. Why did I always hurt others? Why have others pointed out my shortcomings, and why do I feel so bad about it? When I see other practitioners not doing well, I felt sad, why? The reason was that I was protecting my opinions, formed over many lifetimes, and always thought that I was right.
However, cultivation is a process of cultivating away human notions to unconditionally purify ourselves based on the standard of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Once I realized this, my heart filled with happiness, as I felt my level being elevated. I began to have high expectations of myself, and would pay attention to my character at every incident. I would try to improve myself to comply with what Master wants of his disciples. I thanked fellow practitioners from the bottom of my heart for all their help, and at the same time felt that my xinxing had increased and I had a greater ability to understand and forgive others. I suddenly discovered that everybody had many strong points that I had never noticed before. After I genuinely let go and stopped expecting others to change and only corrected myself, I found that my fellow practitioners also changed. They, too, started to look inward. They became more proactive with Fa validating work and wanted to get involved and use their respective skills to validate the Fa.
Eliminate Attachments to Fame and Desire
I am very strong willed and, from a young age, could not stand being criticized. A close fellow practitioner reminded me that a practitioner should pay attention to his or her behavior when with the opposite sex. When I heard that, I was insulted, as if my reputation was being tarnished. I thought, "Why would someone remind me of this? I am very old fashioned and usually behave very conservatively." When I calmed down, I looked inward and realized many things. Since I was young, I had read many romance novels and always had a desire for the perfect love story, but in reality they were very difficult to find, and so, in my heart, I was always in search of it and did not want to rid myself of such a desire. My husband is also a practitioner, and we have a deep affection for each other. Sometimes I didn't want to let go of my emotions for him. I realized that Master wanted me to walk a purer path during Fa rectification, so I decided to let go of my desire for the love between a man and a woman.
The evil knows when you want to destroy it, so it will try to protect itself and this causes interference. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate it, continuing to purify my every thought. But, because cultivation is a repetitive process, my desires and bad thoughts would fade away for a while, but then resurface again later. I did notice that the thoughts were becoming weaker each time. My husband and I both noticed our feelings toward each other becoming less and less intense, and our hearts were calmer, too. We were coordinating better and encouraged each other on Fa validation work and saving sentient beings. At the same time, I saw my strong attachment to fame.
This past year, the biggest change in my attitude was to be able to face matters with a calm heart, think about what I should do, and how to let go of my attachments. During the process, I also felt the beauty of cultivation and the grandness of Master and the Fa.
March 19, 2010
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Category: Improving Oneself
