(Clearwisdom.net) Some time ago, the authorities rounded up more practitioners and took them to a brainwashing center to try to force them to renounce their beliefs. I was harassed as well. Many of my human mentalities surfaced although I tried hard to eliminate them and examined myself constantly. This kind of behavior has occurred many times.
Recently, one night I could feel that my field was not pure, and bad stuff was constantly surfacing. I had a feeling that I would soon be arrested. I could not eliminate the thought and neither could I suppress it. When I sent righteous thoughts, I could feel that my field was black and filled with all kinds of bad stuff. In addition, my righteous thoughts didn't have any effect. I either fell asleep or got distracted. I realized that I must have some attachments that allowed the evil to hide from my supernormal capabilities.
The next day, when I was doing the exercises in the morning, I again became distracted and was thinking about things with a human mind. Then I realized that maybe this was the problem: I tend to see things from an ordinary person's point of view, instead of from the perspective of Fa principles. Why did my colleagues report me to management? Was it because my heart was not pure? I examined myself carefully and found that my selfish thoughts had not been entirely eliminated. Deep in my mind, I was afraid of falling behind, not completely thinking about saving people. I hadn't been treating myself as a Dafa particle, or doing what I was supposed to do. I was just solving my own problems.
I feared the local 610 Office and the Domestic Security Division. I was afraid that they would persecute me. I also hated them because they have persecuted so many practitioners. My righteous thoughts were not strong and neither was my compassion. When I sent righteous thoughts, I wanted to protect myself from being persecuted.
After I found these notions, when I sent righteous thoughts, I felt that they were very strong. Within a moment, my field was purified, the fear of persecution disappeared, and the bad thoughts were eliminated.
The above is my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
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