(Clearwisdom.net) I had thought of sharing this quite some time ago, but it did not come to mind until my eye suddenly turned very red. Before a family member noticed, I was not even aware of it. I thought it was ordinary sickness karma and did not give it a second thought.
Later on I stumbled badly on my cultivation path and had a very big disagreement with a fellow practitioner. He said I had some problems, though he could not put a finger on them. First I thought it was simply that he misunderstood me, but I later decided to look inward and find my problems. I looked inward for nearly a week and finally I found my problem before sending righteous thoughts.
Oh, so it was jealousy leading me to ruin! But it was stealthily disguised, like a natural part of me.
I had known that I was often jealous of other practitioners who cultivated better than I or did the three things more skillfully. For instance, the local Dafa coordinator, the person over a Dafa project, or fellow practitioners who behaved well in my eyes—they were all subject to my inward jealousy and sense of unease. But other kinds of jealousy were hidden very deeply and not so easily noticed. For instance, when I met practitioners whose appearance was not so good or had failed some test in cultivation, I detected a subtle happiness hidden deeply in my mind. Sometimes that happiness was replaced by a feeling of excitement. The thought generated in my mind was: “So and So is worse than me.” This jealousy developed to such an extent that I would laugh at others when I saw them encounter bad things or experience misfortunes. When I realized these attachments, including jealousy, and started to let them go, I truly felt that a layer of bad substances was removed from my body and replaced with compassion.
Now I realize my experience with pink eye was a hint for me to enlighten in this area, which Master has described:
"Jealous types look down upon others and don't allow others to surpass them. When they see someone more capable than they, their minds lose all perspective, they find it unbearable, and they deny the fact. They want to get pay raises when others do, get equal bonuses, and share the same burden when something goes wrong. They get green-eyed and jealous when they see others making more money. At any rate, they can't take it if others do better than they." ("Ridding Yourself of Jealousy," Falun Gong)
After enlightening on this issue, I continued to explore deeper inside myself and found jealousy lurking in me from other angles. Accordingly, I remind fellow practitioners to be sure to dispel any and all notions of jealousy camouflaged within.
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